Sunday, 9 January 2011

dress for success

Being in a pre-trial facility, there are very few things to do. Other than work out, type bullshit emails, and use the telephone. I don't watch TV, see it as a serious waste of time..The other inmates here don't, and sit around watching the Jersey Shore and reality shows for most of the day..
 I've got a few good freinds in here. Most people know me, i get on with most people, but try to keep myself to myself..One of my best freinds in here is T a tall, bugged out looking individual, who i catch many a joke with. He used to be a fashion designer, worked with Mark Ecko...but as i said, is pretty bugged out.
 One of the things you can do here is teach classes.
T has started a class, Dress for Success, all about teaching people how to dress for job interviews, interview techniques, and generally how to represent yourself in a professional manner. Most/all the things in his class is mostly common sense, but you would seriously be suprised on what some people in here think is the right way to go about getting a job...actually you wouldn't be suprised, it's federal jail, and you're swimming in the bottom of the gene pool...anyway..

 So we have our first 'class'. We have been given a questionaire to fill in before the class..Questions such as..
1.Is it appropriate to wear a baseball cap in a job interview?
2.Is is appropriate to wear Jordans to a job interview?
 And so on...people got these questions wrong.

 The class is made up of me, F, and a Russian dude that is 21 but looks 54 who's name i can't pronounce..who made the class pure jokeries. T takes fashion seriously. Too seriously. To the point that if he thinks you are right, and he might be wrong, he gets seriously wound up..And Russia did this for the whole class...
 One of the questions was
5.Where should the tip of your tie fall?
Answer=just above your belt.
 Russia "In my country, the size of your tie says the size of your...your...your fuck"
Everyone at first looked very confused...then burst out laughing
"Do you mean the size of your dick?"
"yes yes, but no, i like girls"
  Errr next question..

Everytime we get to a new question, Russia has a story from the old country which T finds increasingly infuriating..To the point were he can't even sit down, he's standing up shouting at the whole class
Russia "You calm down"
"No no, if you have twenty student, not one of them is wrong, they are all right"
And so on and so on...
Russia "look look"
he writes down 2 + 2 =
"what does it make?"
T "it makes four. don't try and tell me it doesn't, it makes four"
"no, no, with physics, i can make five :D "
Just to make matters worse, i look at the bottom of my 'test' and Sha has added an extra question that the whole class sees
"If T went to see Sha for a job interview should he A. Suck sha's balls B. Take Sha's dick up his ass C. All of the above"
T sees it. Class is dismissed.

 I get back to the cell before we get locked in and tell Sha, who finds the whole thing hilarious..then has some bad news for me
 "I gotta take a Hulk Hogan shit son"
There is very little toilet paper left. I explain i need to shit too, but wanted to wait til the doors unlocked..
"Well fuck you dude, do as the romans do wanna have that brittish class? Ok, but i'll be the one shitting son, not you"
 Great...absolutely great..
"Yo, play 'window' while i wash my ass, son"

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