Monday 25 November 2013

5/11/2013


In New York I was taught through a mixture of observation, trial and error, plus heads that did me a solid an dropped a few jewels on me, how to behave in American prison…

What to do…
What not to do…


How to basically do time in a way that is respectful to others and in turn leads people to respect you too…

Sadly…


None of this seems to apply at the Moshannon Valley Summer Camp…

At first I thought everyone here was crazy.
Perhaps it is me…


 

For example…

 
Farting in a communal area is not just bad etiquette in real prison. Oh no…



Do it around the wrong motherfuckers and they take that as a sign that you are homosexual and want someone to fuck you.

 
A “mating-call” is the name given to this practice.

But in the holiday camp?

 
Dudes are way out of line…


Farting next to people eating, busting shots in crowded areas, I seen a guy bend over in front of like four dudes and bust a fart!

Am I losing my mind?!
How the fuck is this shit normal behaviour?!

This is supposed to be prison!

Maybe I’m losing it…
Maybe I’m the one who is burnt the fuck out.

But…

How the fuck…

Like…

 
When the fuck did it become ok to walk around the unit in a fucking towel like a broad?

I must have missed that announcement.


 I must have missed the announcement that said it’s ok to sleep with no draws on…

In a fucking dormitory.

Motherfuckers sleeping with their bare bum cheeks hanging off the bed…


So fucking out of pocket…

Sunday 17 November 2013

Don't worry



I have just finished my evening prayers…

Each row of bunks is separated from one another by an eight-foot wall of big bricks painted white. If you are on the top bunk and sit up, you can peak over the wall and see what else is happening in the unit. I am sitting on my bunk with my back against the wall, feet dangling off the edge swinging back and forth like a kid on a swing…

I just might have a visit this weekend.
I’m nervous.

The barber did a good job lining up my beard, an ok job on my hair (not much for him to work with I’m afraid) but overall it was worth the four hour wait…

Four hours of sitting in the unit doing nothing just to make sure I don’t get skipped in line…

We won cleanest unit in the jail today.

I say that to say what?

Well…

While I was washing all the excess hair off my shoulders in the shower, police came round and gave out slices of cherry pie and gatorade as a prize. For being well behaved.

Yes…

Things like this get on my nerves. Especially when I see inmates jumping through hoops for this shit… 

After all…

Aren’t we supposed to be prisoners? Held against our will?
Or instead, domesticated animals performing tricks for scooby snacks?

I don’t know…

What I do know is that I have work at three in the morning and I am not getting out the shower for a dog treat…

The police ended up leaving that shit on my bed (thankyou) but I’m trying to use some discipline at the moment, so instead of smearing my chops with pie and bouncing off the walls on gatorade when I should be sleeping, I threw that shit in the stash for tomorrow.

Time to kick back…


My bunk is right at the back of the room, underneath a large air-conditioner and next to a long narrow window, I can just about make out the telly from where I am but there’s never anything on…

Not for me anyway.

On three of the four tvs there is no reception, just a blank screen with a box of Spanish text blinking away, this happens every time there is a storm going on outside…

That is what I am paying attention to at the moment.\

Sitting up, twisting my neck to one side while tilting my head upwards, I can make out thick sheets of rain falling in front of the stadium sized foglight that illuminates this side of the compound,
If I really peer up high over the nine foot window, I can see the sheets smashing on the rows upon rows of razorwire below…

Big panes of glass installed at the top of narrow shafts going up to the roof, originally intended to let natural light into the unit, have turned the sound of the falling water into some kind of never-ending drum roll…

I hope my visitor is ok…


(She made it)