Sunday, 29 July 2012

Like a washing machine

I can type pretty fast.

Me sitting in front of 'the laptop' typing up
scribbled notes and pages of text over the past
year or so has given people the impression i am
good at writing.

Sometimes they will ask me to
put things together for them.

Letters to wives..


Things like that.

I've seen it all..

I try to give people advice and school them on the
tell-tale signs and symbols of what is to come in the near future,
how would be best to go forward and generally try to let them know
that i've been through this!!

Just like myself when i first came in her though..

They ain't hearing it.

They know best.

Nobody understands them.

That's fine.


You can only lead a horse to water..

It usually starts with the individual telling me they havn't
heard from 'wifey' in a while..

That she starts arguments over petty shit and keeps bringing
up incidents that happened months, even years before he
got knocked..


Between you and me..

This means his chick is on the way out the door.

She's sitting around..


He ain't about to pay for the bills..

Look after the kids..

She's missing the intimacy of the relationship,
and she's seeing all her freinds running around having
fun without a care in the world..

It's getting to her..

She wants out!!

An is looking for any excuse to bounce..

Now everything i just told YOU,
i'm not going to tell all that to an emotionally unstable,
extremely violent individual who is towering over me,
clutching a romantic poem that he's succesfully drooled
onto a piece of scrap paper..

His bottom lip is trembling..

He's teary eyed..

Fists clenched on his little poem..

Looking for ANY excuse to break a motherfucker in half..

If i was honest?

I'd tell Conan straight up that his girl is offski an
there's fuck all he can do about it.

Writing her soppy emails talking about the good
times doesn't mean shit..

Arguing ain't gonna do shit either,
an neither is reminder her good you used to
'beat the pussy up'..

Unless you WANT to speed up the process of her
finding a new dick to smoke..

You are powerless.

She knows this.

All the fly grammer in the world ain't doin' SHIT,
if she genuinely haves love for a motherfucker she's
gonna do the right thing an hold you down..

If not?

Then count yourself lucky you got a heads up
so early on in life that your partner wasn't genuine,
now you can concentrate on the people that DO give
a fuck about you..

You'll know who they are..

People don't wanna hear that.

After the fifth or sixth time i shared this advice to an individual,
they nodded their head in agreement..

Gave me about ten handslaps/shakes..

Then when i finished talking?

Looked at me with a blank stare..

"yeah but.."

An gave a list of completely irrational
reasons and naive explanations for 'wifeys'


Now i just do what they want me to do!

You want a next romantic letter where i make up a
load of qualities i love about your wife while you play cards?

No problem!

You want a next freaked out letter where i talk about flicking
your wifes asshole 'til it winks at me an i proceed to stuff it
full of 'my big black cock'?

No problem!

You want a next emotional letter where i talk about how,
before i sleep each night, i look at your wifes photo and place
my hand on the cold steel wall, hoping that your wife still remembers
how much it meant to look into your wifes eyes and know that god
created us as two of a kind and that i would go to the ends of the
world to find your wife just to hold her hand and tell her i love her?

No problem!

If doing this for someone who is not ready to face what is happening
in their life will make them happy, give them some hope, get them through the day,
then it's not a problem..

As long as i get AT LEAST a cup of coffee and some cake,
i'll do my best for them..

I really will..

Perhaps one day it'll actually work!!

Instead of their wife reading an email that CLEARLY wasn't written
by their delinquent husband..

Then proceeding to run out the house an
go gobble up a mystery dick..

They are reminded that somewhere in their city,
behind tonnes of concrete and steel..

Underneath all those bullet holes and tattoos..

Sits a man who is pining for his wife.

Despite how critial his reality seems,
he just want to know she's going to be there for him
through these hard times he's found himself in..


But this New York City.


Friday, 27 July 2012

fuck man

A very tiring day..

This is day three without coffee..


No one's got any.

The few people that DO are being ULTRA petty
and ain't hooking a motherfucker up..

Anyone else who does have some, i don't fuck with, so I'm not gonna
ask them for any..

It opens doors that are best kept closed.

Anyways I'm trying to look at this like a choice
opportunity to knock it on the head for a while,
it'd save me a shitload of bread each month
and I'm sure drinking more water can't be a bad look?

To the right of me, in the corner of my bed,
between the mattress and a tiny bit of space on the metal frame
sits a couple stacks of books, a few Style files, a load of assorted
self help an next bugged out books, but perched on the top,
i got a hot cup of tea.


My bunkie is asleep..

He keeps squeaking out baby-shit smelling farts every
half hour or so, which i think is in protest of me having the light on.

It ain't gonna work..

It usually continues for an hour until i bust out
a fucking HENCH fart an he just shuts up an goes to sleep.


I fucked up my arm very badly yesterday playing football,
skidded all over the ground like a mug,
a lot of people laughed..

Until they saw mad blood pissing out my arm..

It took a few chunks out my right fore-arm
and I'm finding it challenging lying down without
soiling the bed with blood, semen and shit.


Which is nothing new..

Before we got locked in i was walking around for a while,
aimlessly scuffling my feet from one place to the next,
trying to kill some time..

I wondered to a foreign window an just stood there,
gripping the bars, staring out into the street while
two goblins played cards behind me..

"Tim dogs, watch me school this bum-ass n****r!!"

"FUCK YOU! Tim dog, you know what they call me?!"


"The TRUANT officer, n****r!! Cos im'a take this n****r to school! Word!"

"How the FUCK you gonna take the TEACHER to school!?!?"

"WATCH this n****r gimme all his motherfuckin' money, WATCH!!"

"THIS n****r talkin' mad wreckless, walkin' round with'is wallet open, im'a teach him, im'a teach him"

And so on..

It looked really nice outside tonight.

People are slowly strolling past my window in shorts,
t-shirts, dresses, summer clothes..

Everything seems really picturesque..

Everybody's lit up by the golden lamps lining the street..

Tonight this tiny glimpse of the world
i have up here provided a nice reminder
of life outside..

There was this one couple that walked by.

The guy had his arm around her waist,
every few steps they would stop, he'd pull her close
an they would just stand there kissing each other,
like there was no one else in the world..

I watched them walk away into the distance..

It was nice..

Seeing a peak at real life had me thinking.




Good things.

I used my imagination to take me out of here..

i imagined what it might feel like to go create new memories..

I try to picture being somewhere new..

Going somewhere i have yet to see..

Meeting new people..

Everything is different..

Better than before..

I wonder how people will react to me in the future.

I can't help asking myself questions like this sometimes..

Do i need to tell people i was in prison?

Will people be able to tell?

Does it even matter?

It's not as if I'm going to be leaving the States
talking out the side of my mouth, limping,
throwing up gang signs an sporting a du-rag,

But still,

People might be able to tell..

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Send me a kite

Tell me what's good outside!!

It's been about three and a half years since i was in London,
and it'd be really cool to get a heads up of what is out there
at the moment.

Not specifically in London, but wherever you are from,
i want to know what it is you love about your city.

I'm originally from South London,
an apart from when i was minorly involved in the
Punk an Hardcore music scene, i didn't really explore
the whole city like i did in New York, and i want to start
planning for when i get out..

Where is cheap to live, good music, transport,
interesting things and places, good people..

i'd really appreciate it if you told me about it,
what you love about your town, your city,
what makes it special for you and why
you live there..





Timothy Ozer Guvercin
MCC New York
150 Park Row
New York, NY

Wednesday, 25 July 2012


You don't have to wait

My hearing is super fucked at the moment,
woke up a few days ago an couldn't hear fuck all out of my right ear,
it's mad jarring having to constantly say "what? WHAT?" on some Pee Wee Herman
flex anytime someone asks me shit..

This shit's mad disorientating..

I dun like being around crowds of people like this.

i'm not aware of my surroundings an i can't tell what the fuck is happening,
it ain't cool constantly being on code-red looking for someone about to do pull some bullshit.

it's very fucking tiring!!

A Spanish freind of mine gave me some ear drops,
despite being in Spanish an having NO instructions as to
how i should use them or what the fuck they're even FOR,
the gesture was still appreciated.

It was a tad bit worrying that HE didn't even know
exactly what they do, just smiled an said,

"fo da ears"


"Ma n****r, yhu gad anodder ear, yhu be goud sern!"


My brother just helped me put them in my ear.

I've spent the last half lying on my side like a muscular slug,
listening to a high pitched noise that isn't going anywhere..

I think this bullshit has done about all it's
going to do today..

(Which is fuck all)

With my one 'good' ear i'm listening to the radio.

Instead of lying down on my side sweating my full to the brim balls off,
i've shifted to the middle of my bed, sitting sideways.

Besides wearing a pair of pretty bate looking "uncle bob" shorts
and drinking ice water, resting my bare back against the wall
is the only thing i can think of to keep..

So it's July.

Almost time to celebrate another year on this earth.

What did i do with that year?

I spent it in Federal Prison.

Unless some kind of miracle of justice and morality happens in
the next twenty four days and i am released from my incarceration,
which i stupidly havn't given up hope on JUST yet..


The whole of my 26th year on this earth
was spent in a maximum security prison.

It's not all been doom and gloom though!

Not really..

There are a lot of things i have needed to work on.

Things i don't think i ever would have got round to doing 
had i stayed in the street doing the dumb shit
i was doing year in year out..

There have been many instances where i had to make a decision,
which would have lead to two very different outcomes.

Turning points in my life.

And a couple come to mind as i write this..

It was the spring of 2010 and i had just been made redundant from my job
as an office messenger, something i wasn't happy about but was out of my hands.

Some equipment had gone missing and even though i wasn't actually at work that day,
i ended up having to take the bullet..

I was going through difficulties with my living arrangements
and a freind of a freind gave me a call, offering a legitimate way
of making things work and staying on a healthy track as far as how
i was living and the decisions that were open to me.

It was exactly what i needed at the time,
a minor role in a restaurant he was managing..

The pay was WAY better than what i had been getting..

It was right next to Times Square..

The hours were good..

**Cash in hand**


I did initially take the job,
but from the second day i was there,
i was looking for an excuse to bun it off.

My twisted logic was that i needed to concentrate on my
personal life, which was in its early stages of decline, ironically,
down to my lack of focus and discipline.

The job this guy had hooked me up with would have actually
put me in a position where i had the finances to stay fully
independant and in control of where my life was headed,
i would've had options..


I bunned it off..

Citing some completely irrelevant personal matters
i was going through, i didn't even have the decency
to call the dude to tell him..

I sent him a text.

It wasn't my finest hour..

Sorry about that..

"The mind functions this way:
"If this relationship falls apart, i'll fall apart, my job might go, and with it my lifestyle,
and following that, my body may change from alive to not alive." At a deep subconscious level,
an argument with the boyfreind/girlfreind becomes a threat - a life-and-death struggle- not just
a discussion about the dispute in question. That's why people can get so upset about things that
seem so trivial." - Stuart Wilde

In the middle of 2010,
i was REALLY starting to lose the plot..

I wasn't eating anything other than fried bullshit,

Apart from being an un-paid advertisement for eating lard an smoking dicks,

I didn't know WHAT the fuck i was doing with my life..

At one point,
when shit really started to get out of control,
someone suggested we take off for a few days,
just head out the city, to Maine i think, we was
gonna breeze down there for the weekend..

It would've given me a much needed break,
some time to take a step back and evaluate what
the fuck i was doing, get a better perspective,
at the least just get me out of my surroundings
for a couple of days for some fresh air..

I chose not to..

"Human beings have derised a vast repetoire of strategies for avoiding having to experience suffering.
Sometimes we use external means, such as chemicals - deadening and medicating our emotional pain with
drugs and alcohol. We have an array of internal mechanisms as well - psychologixal defenses, often unconscious,
that buffer us from feeling too much emotional pain and anguish when we are confronted with problems. Sometimes
these defense machanisms can be quite primitive, such as simply refusing to recognise that a problem exists. At other
times, we may vaguely recognise that we have a problem but immerse ourselves in a million distractions or entertainments
to avoid thinking about it." - Howard C. Cutler

Before finishing this piece of writing,
i got into a huge argument with someone in here,
over some incredibly petty and pointless bullshit.

It was a reminder that,
although i have learnt lessons from my past mistakes,
that doesn't necessary mean i won't make bad choices
in the future..

You can have all the knowledge in the world,
but unless you actually put it into practice..


You're still a fool..

I'm at a point in my life where i don't want to argue with anyone anymore..

I'm fine with just agreeing with people.

You're right, i'm wrong.

You're good, i'm bad.

You go your way and i'll go mine.

If i spend my time arguing with idiots,
i will always lose..

If i spend my time arguing with scholars,
i will always win..

"Accept life as you find it rather than struggling against it,
and you'll know there's no death and no failure..
 So accept the comings and goings of life, and flow to your
highest good with little resistance and great joy" - Stuart Wilde

In the next year i'm on this earth,
i'd really like to do some travelling.

That would be nice..

Tuesday, 24 July 2012


Bigger picture..

Look at the bigger picture..

I just spent half hour an hour in a screaming match,
and i have no one but myself to blame.

All over a fucking newspaper..

There is one paper that gets given to each house.

The jail paper.

There is an order of who gets the paper and when,
it basically goes from cell to cell over the period of
about three days.

I'm supposed to get it after this guy next door,
he gives it to my brother, who then passes it on to me,
when i'm finished, i pass it onto the next dude,
and so on..


Due to unforseen circumstances,
my brother wasn't around for a while..

So the paper SHOULD have been going straight to me
from the guy next door..

But he didn't do that.

Instead he just skips me altogether an starts giving
it to someone else down the line..

I'm EXTRA pissed about this as i used to get my OWN paper,
a good freind was kind enough to send me some copies of
the New York Post, an after i finished reading it, i'd pass it
next door..

So now he's completely skipped me,
an i got to run after the paper before it gets
hacked to pieces by all the fucking perverts in
here trying to make some next creepy collages..

All this dude has to say,

"After ME, i don't give a FUCK"


This statement sure SOUNDS good,
but when you're DELIVERING  it to someone when you're finished,
you clearly DO give a fuck where it's going..

Especially given that as soon as my brother skanks back onto the scene,
low and behold, the dude starts hand delivering it to him again.

I tell him how lame it is that he just completely fucking skipped me,
and he just runs like a bitch to the hench dude he skipped me for,
telling him i "feel a type'a way" about it..

I do not "feel a type'a way" towards this guy,
it's not his responsibility to pass me SHIT, HE didn't skip me,
and after explaining this in a very passive way, waving the biggest
fucking white flag you've ever seen, he agreed with my point of view..



All in all, a good half hour of my day was spent arguing with someone i KNOW
is unreasonable, petty and has no self respect, he's shown me this a thousand
billion times over the past twenty two months, letting me know i should have
absolutely nothing to do with him whatsoever..

Yet today he was not at fault.

I was.

People were looking at ME like i was the fool.

Rightly so..

I knew better.

How many times am i going to stick my hand in a fire
before realising it is not a good idea?

I need to focus on the BIGGER picture..

NOT retards and newspapers..


Monday, 23 July 2012


Through an ever-shrinking supply of funding and my complete and utter
lack of being able to budget the few beans i am spotted every month,

(I'm enjoying eating food at the moment. It's fun and gets me through the day.)

I've been burning through all my loot before the end of the month and
having to go weeks on end without any means of communication or contact
with the outside world.

On a basic level,
that means no food, coffee, emails
or blams on the phone to my people.

On a broader scale,
it actually presents me with a platform to
take a step-back and evaluate what I'm doing..

"The key to serenity is not necessarily in satisfying your preferences.
Rather, it's in reducing your preferences and absolutes" - Stuart Wilde

I wasn't perfect in the town.

I made many mistakes.

I've spent a good amount of my time on this earth as a mug.


Despite all of the above..


A few motherfuckers are still checking for me!

Whether it be in the form of emails,
letters or the rare occasion I'm blessed to get tarted
up an rolled out on a V-I (visit)..

I believe only a fool repeats the same behavior expecting different results.

So i like to take time out during these periods of complete isolation from the outside world
to evaluate my recent behavior..

How did i react to certain situations?

Am i learning or going round in circles,
perpetuating the same retarded behavior?

When your behavior was,
or at least peoples perception or memory of you
and your actions were askin to a funked out, red,
bloated, shaking asshole thats boofed full of laxatives,
randomly shooting out streams of white hot shit into
peoples open mouths..

To STILL have a handful of these people checking for you
after a considerable amount of time away from the human realm..

It's more than a blessing..

An I'm TRYING not to royally screw that up too..

I understand that i would do well not to react off emotion
and take a little time before responding to given situations,
a lot of the time i actually get that right, but occasionally the
red-blooded, stubborn/passionate, moronic Turkish side of me
grabs the steering wheel an puts me into a fucking nosedive..

This was a problem of mine in the town.

I was very bad at just leaving things be.

Taking my time..

That's why these periods of isolation are good for me.

Before you get it fucked up,
it's NOT good for me not to have coffee, food,
phone or email access for weeks on end..

So please DO NOT translate this as me
saying i don't need no fuckin' bread, i do need bread,
i'm always broke and in need of funding to support my
eating habits..

What i AM saying is that me taking a week or so pouring
over my interactions and the way i behave..

Whether i am being a positive influence on the people who,
for whatever severely perverted reason, still derive some kind
of arousal from peering down into the pathetic cesspool that
is my current existence..

Right now it's slowly helping me move away from self-sabotage
and towards leading a more discplined life.

Or at least stopping me from ostracizing
the few people that are still checking for me.

"To understand others is to have knowledge;
To understand oneself is to be illuminated. To conquer others needs strength.
To conquer oneself is harder still." - Tao Te Ching


"Sometimes the deeper spirituality part of you, the infinite self within, protects you from disaster. You'll head off,
trying to achieve something that the inner spiritual you, the deeper subconscious self, doesn't actually want. So it will make sure you arrive too late, or the person you seek will not be there or the chek bounces. Things generally don't work"
-Stuart Wilde




Special occasions..

I'm aware of their presence.

It doesn't do me well to think about them though.

I try to keep busy instead,hacking away at the infinite abundance of time
like it's any other day of the year, which in the bigger picture,
that's exactly what it is..

Just any other day of the year..

Nothing special it going to happen for me.

So i might aswell do the shit i normally do each day..

It will pass..

There is always SOME difficulty or discomfort,
by now that shit is expected, i'm not a fucking robot,
no matter how good my day is planned out of whatever motivational
horse shit i'm applying to the situation at hand, at some, or perhaps many
points of my day..

I will fuck up..

Thoughts of the outside world
will start to flood to my tiny brain..

If i was outside today..

-What would i be doing?

-Who would i spend it with?

-How would it feel to be back?

A little daydreaming never hurts..

Sometimes it can even lift my spirits to picture
the outside world and all the things waiting for me.

I do try to keep it short,
limit the time i spend daydreaming,
concocting all kinds of imaginery bullshit..

Otherwise when it's time to come back to the reality of my current circumstance,
when you're mentally one foot out of the door of this place, personally i find that very hard
to live with, i crave too much and can't focus on the present..

All discipline and strength begins to diminish..

I start to resemble a dog on one of them charity commercials,
watery eyes, trembling top lip, shaking, covered in shit..

An that ain't a good look in jail.


Before getting locked in,
one of my Spanish freinds asked me if i was good.

My kneejerk reaction?

"I'm a little hungry"

He then turns around..

Shouts some shit in Spanish..

An out of nowhere all these old Spanish dudes
start shuffling an hobbling their slippered-up feet
out their rooms with mad bags of chips,
soup, bagels, fruit, cereal, cake..


One of them physically wouldn't let me return to my room
without at least two hands full of munch, dude just kept patting
his fist on his chest with his eyes closed, shaking his head,

"My broddur! My broddur!"

I could genuinely tell this older gentleman gave a fuck,
the man clearly did not want me to go to sleep hungry..

It struck a chord with me.

We have never had a conversation and speak
completely different languages.

Yet he heard i was hungry and did everything he
could to help me.

Might sound like a minor but considering where i am
and the majority of peoples attitudes in here, his act of
compassion was greatly appreciated!


Now i have something nice to munch
with my coffee..


Sunday, 22 July 2012

Good Times

"I remember this one bitch that used to eat a MEAN dick up!"

Good to hear.

"This one time, i skeeted in the bitches mouth,
she just spat that shit straight in the trash!"

Personally i'd take that a type'a way.

"Reminded me'a when you said if a bitch eat your dick up,
it's just 'expected' that she gonna swallow!?"

More or less.

"SHEEET N****R!"

Maybe i just been spoilt?

"Ma n****r, when you finally get a black chick to eat that turkish hammer,
you better NOT tell her to 'swallow that shit', bitch might spit that shit
in your fuckin' face"

I guess so.



"After i skeet in a bitches mouth, i don' give a SHIT what she does with that shit,
ain't like i got any use for the motherfucker!"

He has a point.

The return of..

For those who have never done a bid in the Federal system,here's a lesson in jailhouse ettiquete just incase you too find yourself
locked up abroad in one of these high quality establishments.

If you're locked in and you need to take a dump,
then you just shit, there's two of you there but if you need to shit it's on you,
but each time a chunk of turd is squeezed out your pink asshole, you flush,
this goes some way towards ridding the smell confines of the stink, it ain't as
purely fonged out with shit vapours and gets rid of any shit in the cell apart from
the pieces cakes around your asshole.

But one should also involve a little common sense in applying this technique.

Recently i found myself in the company of some old Spanish dopefiend,
mandem speaks NO English but up until now that has not actually been a problem,
to be honest it still isn't a problem, the motherfucking issue is more in this dude
being purely smoked out..

Last couple days i've had to wake up at like three in the morning,
i don't give a fuck if you need to curl out a log at some ungodly hour, do you,
but FUCK man, there's no need to flush the toilet a thousand times for about
five minutes straight, just shit, i'm sleeping, flush the toilet once you're done,
that way everyones happy!

You get to shit an i get to sleep!


An i ain't buyin' the whole lost in translation gig anymore,
as he did this dumb shit yesterday then apologised to me through an
interpretor later in the day, so you know you's dead wrong, i ain't goin' for that one,
if you're simply on some next violation flex in an attempt to get me to move,
which people do very often instead of asking someone to move they just progressively
act more an more like a dick, we can play that game,
i ain't got no fucking problem with that..

Im'a turn into Captain Culo.

I Stay eatin' apples

Picture this..

I'm sitting cross legged on my bed looking disheveled,
facial hair lookin' scraggly, hair is un-combed an stickin'
up all over the place, i got specks of sleep still around my
eyes an i'm wearin' a rather yellow looking pair of shorts
that were kindly donated to me about twenty two months
ago by a dude known as 'Smelly C' while i was waitin' for
my wife to put bread on my books.

I'm still waiting.

"Inmates' families and friends may send inmates funds through Western Union's Quick Collect Program. All funds sent via Western Union's Quick Collect will be posted to the inmate's account within two to four hours, when those funds are sent between 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. EST (seven days per week, including holidays). Funds received after 9:00 pm EST will be posted by 7:00 am EST the following morning. Funds sent to an inmate through the Quick Collect Program may be sent via one of the following ways:

1)    At an agent location with cash: The inmate's family or friends must complete a Quick Collect Form.

To find the nearest agent, they may call 1-800-325-6000 or go to
2)    By phone using a credit/debit card: The inmate's family or friends may simply call 1-800-634-3422 and press option 2.
3)    ONLINE using a credit/debit card: The inmate's family and friends may go to and select "Quick Collect."
For each Western Union Quick Collect transaction, the following information must be provided:

1) Valid Inmate Eight-Digit Register Number (entered with no spaces or dashes) followed immediately by Inmate's Last Name
2) Committed Inmate Full Name entered on Attention Line
3) Code City: FBOP, DC
Please note that the inmate's committed name and eight-digit register number must be entered correctly. If the sender does not provide the correct information, the transaction cannot be completed. The Code City is always FBOP, DC."

whenever you're ready..

I'm gazing out the window at all the lovely New Yorkers
walking below, with a healthy mixty of jealousy, lust and
misplaced, un-waranted animosty..

I'm slowly sippin' on some cold coffee an slippin' little
pieces of some gobshite cake in my mouth..

Listening to this..

The self-induced black clouds of pity and depression are beginning to form over my brain..

The light in the cell is starting to dim..

The whole in the front of my draws is starting to leak out a fleshy tube meat..


I'm gradually starting to not only resemble but actually PERSONIFY
the definition of a pure MUG..

Wouldn't be for the first time in my life either..


Perhaps i should change the radio station..


Straight off the bat,
the bowl of cake gets dashed out the door, the shit flies out my hand
on some next spiderman flex, each piece exploding in a cloud of crumbs,
phenylanine and asboestos as it hits the wall in a pathetically un-aggressive
show of pent-up sexual frustration..

After apologising profusely to the table of angry 'homies' who
were ever so kind in not "checking a n****r" for the "straight violation",
i swept up the cake and sheepishly washed up my bowl..

Headphones went back on an the poormans hype continued..

Time to get back on my bullshit..

Even at the grand old age of twenty six,
i still find it hard to shave without getting mad cuts an shit all
over my neck, leakin' out mad blood, might be down to a lack of patience,
coordination, maturity, intellect, whatever the case may be, after a few
minutes hacking away the job is done.

What else?

-Wash face..

-Take a HENCH dump..

-Put on sneakers,
long socks pulled up to knees (LA),
Triple X size shorts that almost reach my ankles..

-Brush teeth..

-Slick back hair..

-Half close eyes,
stick bottom lip out to the side of my mouth
and tilt head back in a diagonal fashion..

I go grab a couple plastic blocks
and some grips for the bar/pipe..

"Yo let's get this fuckin' money"

"Ho-kay wa-boy!"

I been mad sloutching recently,
today i'm back to concentrating on my form,
gettin' that GOOD money..

For the pushups i got one block under my feet so i'm slightly raised,
the other two are shoulder width apart and are for my hands, being raised
and having your arms apart means when you go down you are closer to the floor,
which i'm pretty sure is good for your chest and under your arms.

I only do ten to fifteen a set as i'm trying to concentrate on going all the way down
til my chest touches the floor, then all the way back up until my arms lock out,
people tell me the locking out shit is bad but other say it isn't, everyone is an expert
in talking pure shit in here so if it works stick to it, for me this works,
i'm also trying to concentrate on tensing my core and getting my composure down,
if i do more than fifteen or twenty in a set, after the first ten sets i'll start to get
really sloppy an not do it properly..


One hour later and the following has been achieved..

-Fifteen sets of fifteen pushups

-Fifteen sets of eight pullups

-Fifteen sets of thirty to fourty dips

An most importantly..

-At LEAST twenty minutes spent pacing back an forth like a peacock,
nodding, occasionally spitting a bar or two while pretending to bus' shots
from an imaginery strap comprised mostly of my right index finger,
each time any reference to prison, the Feds or illicit activity is mentioned
on the radio accompanied by all the 'homies' barkin' mad loud like dogs..

Fun Times..

Anyways, no time to waste,
gotta keep it pushin', the clock is tickin' an i got some shit
i still need to knock out before lockdown..

Quickly jump in the shower,
scrub socks, shorts an draws, rinse,
wash hair, scrub body, rinse, brush teeth,
wring water out my clothes, get dressed..

Run back to room,
hang up clothes on chair, put on deodorant,
cocoa butterm slick back hair, pull on figure-hugging
3/4 length long sleeve (to front of course), grab my bowl
of apples an head to the kitchen..

I got REAL fly with this whole 'fruit salad' shit that i been freakin' recently..

-Three apples in a bowl,cover them in ice and let it sit for some time,
go talk some shitm check your emails or even knock
one out while your roomie is watching Des Control..

This show is fucking deep by the way..

-Wash your hands

-Either borrow something sharp,
or if people are being dicks an ain't givin' it up,
take a spoon and peal the skin of all the apples an place
the apples back in the bowl of ice, place skins in a
seperate bowl

-After a couple minutes,
chop up the apples into little pieces and place them
in a seperate bowl also.

-If you got one,
squeeze half a grapefruit over both bowls of chunks
and apple peels.

-Evenly shake two packets of fruit punch flavoured jailhouse kool-aid
and one packet of sweetener on apple chunks, same shit with the bowl of peels.

-Pour some of the water from the ice bowl onto each mix,
stir both bowls til the kool-aid has made the shit 'soo-woo' red.


-Find somewhere quiet and go enjoy your trampy fruit salad in solitude..

Usually around this time,
testosterone starts to diminish and
i return back to my room..

My bottom lip shifts from the side of my mouth to the front..

Eyebrows tighten into a frown..

My head tilts down til my chin touches my chest..

Arms defiantely fold and shoulders arch up..

Top lip raises to show front teeth and as a deep grumble is heard,
my draws start to shake as a flesh-like snake slowly makes its way out its crusty cave
and onto the window, squidging its purple face against the glass, drooling profusely,
until i coax it back by squeezing its hair eggs til the motherfucker spews.

8====> - - - -

Saturday, 21 July 2012

N****rs want variety

I just had to sit and listen to four grown men,
all of them in their mid to late thirties and weighing
no less than two hundred and twenty pounds each,
discussing how i would be viewed as "exotic meat' in
certain penitentiaries by "DC n****rs" an "Booty bandits",
then hear them arguing about how much people would
pay for "That pink asshole" before some Hench dude walks
over with a cane, looked me up an down,
sticks his bottom lip out an spat,

"N****rs ain't payin', they'd just TAKE that shit.."

Saturday, 7 July 2012


I started to bug out earlier today.

Then i sat down an picked up a pad of paper,
a pen, when i was finished,
this was on the paper..


You're a retard.

Your predicament is no different than yesterday..

Nothing has actually changed!

Yesterday you were happy, smiling, positive,
you had a good outlook and was doing well,
your time was spent productively and your
grasp on reality, the present and the future
was realistic and hopeful..

So remind yourself,
think back to yesterday and remind yourself
of all the reasons why you where smiling,
happy and optimistic.

Nothing has changed since then..


I felt a lot better afterwards.

Friday, 6 July 2012

You can fart right here

There's a Spanish dude in here who i get along with pretty well.

At least i USED to get along with him..

When he first came in,
for various reasons we wasn't too cool.

That shit got squashed and now we are pretty tight,
he looks out for me, sets me ingredients when i'm cooking,
or will run around asking his Spanish connects until he finds
whatever it is i'm trying to get my hands on.

He's a good dude.

Got a very gravely voice.

A bit like Benicio Del Toro!

Anyways today he woke me up,
be loudly shouting as he made his way past my door,

"Yo that bitch Serena Williams, man, she can fart dead in my face,
i'd just suck that shit in!"

He then pouted his furry lips together an
breathed in deeply, making a loud whistling noise,

"My N****r, straight after one'a them Wimbledon games, i'd tell her straight up,
yo, if you need to fart, you can fart right here!"

An pointed at his nose.

Later in the day we get locked in,
but he's outside the door doing some cleaning..

My brother is preparing to take a 'Brontosaurus Shit',
which i'm not fucking happy about..

I TOLD him about HALF HOUR ago that if he needed to shit,
he should do it now, because we're about to get locked in,

"Nah. I'm good. Im'a wait"


He's prepped the toilet,
there's a towel draped around the rim and pieces
of wet toilet paper placed in arms length of the mother fucker..

He's just smiling..


I'm NOT happy about this..

"FOR FUCK SAKE, lemme fucking take a piss first!!"

He just laughs..

"A'ight gambler, calm the fuck down, go ahead an piss!"

I drank a fucking HUGE cup of really good coffee prior to
all this ridiculousness, so i'm fucking dying to take a slash!

I whip my meat out an start pissin'.

A strong current of urine unleashes from my stinkin' bellend..

As soon as it starts goin',
this idiot starts screamin' at the top of his lungs,


Dude outside walks up to the window smiling..

Looks at my idiot brother smiling..

Looks at me standing by the toilet..

Then looks down..


Dude jumps away from the door like he just got an electric shock.

By a ghost.



Fucking idiot.

4th of July

It's an American holiday today.

Independance day.

And for the second year in a row,
someone has asked me,

"What do you guys do to celebrate 4th of July in England?"

Amazing stuff.

It's so hot at the moment,
not much you can really do to stay cool,
especially as you're supposed to wear a fucking
jumpsuit all day..

Sweatin' an shit..

I feel like a pure tramp..

At least i got me a couple new looks for summer 2012!!

Something to be chirpy about!!



It's absolutely beautiful outside,
the sun is shining, everybody is smiling walked to a barbeque,
to go fuck somebody, go drink beer, chill in the park, relax on a rooftop,
have some drinks in a bar, eat some ice cream, everything and everybody
looks great, heads walking around flossing summer garms,
pussy is absolutely everywhere..

chicks walking around with no panties on,
pussies on FIRE, looking for some big dick to
spray em down with cum..

And that's great.

For you.

For me?

Out of my reach at the moment,
at least out of firing distance anyway,
if i shot out a lick from up here and it somehow
managed to hit the street, it'd probably get mistaken
for pidgeon poo instead of a prisoners penis spittin'
white hot semen..

I should probably concentrate on some GOOD things
that i've got going at the moment?

Where to start..

sub-human fucking DUNGEON..

*deep breath*

That's SOMEthing good to concentrate on..

What else?

Oh yeah..

A couple new looks for the summer!

I am making a statement,
you are not supposed to alter clothing in here, i would never dream of doing so,
have never done so and would never plan on doing so.


I imagine if you did..

You could possible,

-turn a longsleeve thermal tshirt into a three quarter length fitted baseball style tshirt

-turn sweatpants into a deep pair of shorts

An i imagine it might cost two tunas to do so.

I have a very vivid imagination,
so don't take anything i say too seriously.

I'm sporting a fresh new haircut.

An that's about as many good things i can think of right now..

If you can please let me know..

I need some kind of inspiration.

There's some mints in my locker.

I can't actually be bothered to climb down an
get them though..


I know..

"Yo dickhead"

"wudup kid"

"Yo you wan'a mint?"







"You wan'a jolly rancher?"



'"Next time jus' ask me to pass you the motherfuckin' mints"

Point taken..

He passes me a mint..

He's now listening to the radio..

they're actually playing some pretty decent
tunes at the moment.

All of a sudden in his extremely deep voice,
he loudly barks,


Then raps along to the rest of the tune..


Life could always be worse.



This is my favorite time of day.

Just after lunch has been served.

I sit on my bed and drink my morning coffee,
sometimes accompanied by a couple slices of cake.

Holding the cup with both hands, one on either side,
i breath deeply and try to clear my mind of all the bullshit
from the night before or the day so far..

Dreams that pissed me off..

Stupid interactions..

Thoughts that are not doing me any good..

I try to concentrate i breath in,
to think about the feeling of the air as it enters my lungs..

As i exhale..

I picture that i'm breathing out all the negative
shit, all the thoughts and feelings inside that are
clouding my brain and stopping me from enjoying
my day and my surroundings..

I got this from a Buddhist meditation technique.

It's a nice way to start my day.

I can feel the sun on the side of my face,
breaming through the bars on the window.

Disfigured mugs keep appearing at the door.

They keep tapping on the glass.

Now is not a good time.

Under my feet is my prayer rug,
i sometime picture being somewhere far away
from this place sitting on the same rug.


At some point..

I have to stop daydreaming and get on with the day.


Time to make breakfast.

It's nice spending time putting together some food,
even if it's mad budget and looks like pure shit, the fact that you
put the effort into making something always makes it taste better.

In some strange way it actually gives your meal a little more significance,
makes it special rather than simply gagging on the contents of a brown tray.

After a couple minutes of chopping, peeling and crumbling,
i got me a bowl of cereal, cake and apple, plus a bowl of cherry
flavoured apple skins and a cold glass of milk thats got this chocolate
wheat drink and a banana mashed in it..

Ballin' right?


Before i enjoy my poor mans banquet,
i am blessed with a couple reviews..

"Oh-kay wah-boy!"

"My n****r tim eatin' good!"

"This n****r STAY eatin' cereal!"

"You freakin' it like THAT Timdog!?"


Yes i am.

Someone even decided to join me.



i don't like eating my breakfast around other people,
especially if i don't have enough to share, but Dread had
his own bowl of oatmeal, as i couldn't be bothered to pick up
all my shit an breeze back in the room, i thought i'd just sit there
and enjoy his company while eating today.

What's the worst that could happen?

"Yo IN-glun, yu-wan ear mi-choon?"


There wasn't really any response i could think of that
wouldn't offend him, at least none i could think of at the time.

I've seen this dude spazz out at people for a lot less.

Didn't fancy myself being at the recieving end of,


Or something similar.

Too early.

Way too early for bullshit today.

"Sure..Go ahead."

And with that..

My peaceful, relaxing breakfast was no more.

in it's place?

An quiet English dude with his head buried in
a bowl of cereal having a NEXT rowdy yardman spit
dancehall bars at him across a table.

All the while, he's violently slamming his fist onto
the table trying to fashion a beat, making the whole
thing shake and constantly spill my food and drink all
over the place.

Beautiful start to the day.

Premium Albercore

I think it's about three in the morning,
ain't shit on the radio an just to top the night off,
the motherfucker just died on me..

My brother fell asleep a long time ago,
it's just me up at the moment, sitting on my bed,
trying to get my mind to calm down so i can go to sleep..

The hustle and bussle of the day is done an dusted,
no more shouting, people ain't coming and going from the room,
there isn't any loud screams or banging of chairs, fist on tables,
feet on walls..

Only the sound of an industrial fan outside the door
and faint snoring coming from below my bed..

He had a good day today,
so with some tunas to spare i got us some crackers,
mayonaisse and plantains and we had a little snack,
it was the good tunas too, which i think is to blame for
putting my brother to sleep..


I wonder to myself at times like this,
when everything is quiet and it's just me and my
thoughts swirling around, whether people still think
about me out there.

When i sit here,
unable to sleep, staring at the blank white walls housing
me in this tiny concrete toilet, i wonder what the future has
in store for me?

Where will i end up next in life?

Another spot?

Will i finally go home?

I'm not going anywhere tomorrow that's for damn sure,
so it's probably wise to concentrate on tomorrow instead,
what i can do with my time..

Before i pray,
i look down at the pattern on my rug,
staring it at, almost asif i'm looking for answers or some shit,
like it's one of them magic eye pictures..

I could never do those magic eye pictures,
they always gave me a mad headache..