Friday, 26 April 2013


What's good.

I've been in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn for just over a month now..

-Dave H







It's been really nice to receive letters and books since coming here. I really appreciate you taking the time to do so as things have been a little testing recently and your letters have helped a lot.

About a week ago i managed to borrow a book of dollar stamps from this little Mexican guy.

He is very short but has a really big head and does an extremely good job of cleaning your cell if you payhim three "macarellas" but don't offer him a bowl of food as he gets offended very easily.

"no soy perro"


I apogize to my freinds and family if i was a little unclear when explaining when i got ass-raped/sentenced back in March.

The man sentenced me to fifty months of incarceration which out of every year you don't get caught fighting or doing any kind of stupid fuckrie you get fifty four days of good time and i think that means that out of the fifty months i end up serving around forty two.

If everything goes to plan and i stay out of trouble i will be coming home in April or possibly before than depending if all the urban legends are true about how if you go to an INS spot they send you home a month or so early.

Amazing stuff.


But yeah how am i doing?

What am i upto at the moment?


I had little very little sleep last night as i stayed up listening to some bluegrass and blues show on the radio. I also do not have a pillow. Up until this point of being in MDC Brooklyn i have been improvising by folding up a pile of clothes and putting a soft thermal long sleeve on top but to be fair all it's really doing is leaving me with a waffle print on my face and serious neck pain.

Also for whatever reason they have seen fit, the air conditioning has been turned on full blast, shooting out arctic breezes straight onto my bed and considering i am Turkish,

When i wake up freezing cold i am too stubborn to put on a t-shirt so attempt to staunch it out day after day and this is resulting in me not getting any sleep.

Real clever!!

Today is a Wednesday..

It is now about mid day and while i am typing away on this computer there is a small piece of paper in front of me that is folded up with telephone numbers on it i plan on using when i get off the computer, some of my freinds have hooked up Skype numbers so i'm going to give them a call and see how they're doing today but other than that i do not have much planned. To my left there are a line of tattooed guys talking about "my son smoke" and how "that's my SON" and "that's what's UP" and so on and so forth.

Next to them is a guy wearing all white who's name starts with a T and he works in the kitchen..

He's my connect..

Next to him is another guy wearing all white who works in the kitchen. He's about four hundred pounds and i can't stand him. From being in prison all this time with so many shady motherfuckers you get a sixth sense as to what kind of person a motherfucker is just by how they move and the way they talk to people, their body language and the type of things they talk to you about.

I know his type very well..

For some reason writing all of this is starting to get me pissed and since i got sentenced my mind-set has changed 'dramastically' so it is probably best that instead of sitting at this computer tapping away so hard that the monitor is shaking from left to right i just go lay down in my cell with the lights off and try to get some sleep.

I'm PISSED right now..

Listening to this is not helping..

Tuesday, 9 April 2013


It is mid day in Brooklyn and i am sat in the corner of a very hot and humid room that has temporarily been transformed into the jailhouse barber shop.

In this room there are around ten people standing around talking or rapping while angrily watching two men carve away layers of waves and braids with a couple pairs of old rusty clippers.

I am drinking my first cup of coffee today and next to my cup is a small plastic bowl with a microwaved piece of brown cake.

Next to the two men cutting hair is a table  with three Jamaican men slumped in chairs and one who is leaning against the wall with a plastic toothpick in his mouth.

They are all talking Pattwa.

They don't usually talk in Pattwa.


Everyone is looking at this book..

A big man who is my cereal and apple connect is passing the book around the room asking if anyone knows the answer to the following question..

"Tommy's mother has three children represented by the three coins below"

"The first child's name is penny.."

"The second child's name is Nicole.."

"What is the third child's name?

Underneath the puzzle is some text written upside down.


I leave the room.

Sunday, 7 April 2013


What's good.

Things have been pretty quiet as of late. I'm in a new spot in Brooklyn which i THINK is in Sunnyside where all the Turks live in New York City and i have been spending my time recently getting myself together. Been putting together a new routine and meeting keeping myself busy staying away from all the 'dick washers' in here. MDC Brooklyn as a whole is a BIG improvement on MCC Manhattan as it's a shitload bigger and i get to go outside anytime i am not locked in my cell. Even the cell is painted an off-coloured peach which is a welcome change to the sludge-white of the rooms at my last spot.

I'm only here temporarily. Not being a citizen of the United States i do not qualify to be 'cadre' which basically means i have to get shipped in a dog-van to a proper bum-rapey prison in the next month or so. I have heard through the grapevine that it'll most likely be in Ohio or Pennsylvania but according to this SUPER fucking rude Dominican dude who told a Spanish dude in front of me in the exact situation i am in that he's "definitely going to Moshannon Valley (Pennsylvania)" that i could be going to any jail in the country. Even the dude who asked him the question was like "i just ask him same question as you" so i don't quite know what to make of that other than that the man was a pure dick smoker..


From what i have gathered i will be going to an INS low security jail (no bum raping-I hope). Although getting legally married to a citizen as i did not apply for my papers and am now a convicted felon (hi mum hi dad) i can expect deportation at the completion of my incarceration. They used to have mugs like me serve their time then go to an immigration holding facility but 90 per cent of people would make bail, so to combat that, they now have immigration prisons where you serve your Federal jail time and at the same time get to 'fight' your immigration case. So by the end of your bid you know whether you're staying or getting squidged back into the dog-van and going back to your country of origin.

My (Mexican/Dominican/Puerto Rican) compardres tell me that there is no email access in any of these jails which i am not overly keen on. But what the fuck can i do about it other than just push on through and get it over and done with in the best manner possible right? Speaking to motherfuckers who can be bothered to set up a Skype number and people that are kind enough to write to me are going to be my only ways of communication with the outside world. This may explain why there has been so little activity on here as I'm trying to prepare myself for the isolation i am most likely going to be experience for the next eleven to nineteen months of my life. I know that i can do it and in some way i bet it will be good for me to isolate myself before coming home as it'll be a good opportunity to brush up and dust off a lot of the skills I've picked up in here so i come home in the best way possible.

Recently I've been looking after myself. Most my time recently has been spent going back to a lot of the books and texts that helped me during very stressful periods of my incarceration. You'd think that now i am sentenced things would be a lot easier right? Well they are and they also are not. For example every now and then i get very agitated and annoyed when i think about what happened at my sentencing. A lot of information was purposely withheld from me concerning the arguments the prosecution had made behind closed doors which were not repeated in my presence at sentencing nor was the information given to me so i was not even remotely prepared for what happened. Thinking about this makes me fucking pissed you know. Thinking about how my sentencing may have gone had i have known all the details and had been properly prepared for it all. I know it's not good thinking like this. Replaying moments like that in life. It's done and all that should be concentrated on is the present and my day to day life. I did the best i could given what i had. But it still leaves a nasty-ass taste of purely pubed-out tramps piss in my mouth and that's something which, at least i hope, will fade in time. Like my old bunkie Sha used to say when i would bore him to death with 'what if' questions about my life and what was happening, he would say,

"if my auntie had a pair of balls she would be my uncle. But she doesn't"


There was some advice i read in a book which has helped me recently. I read it a long time ago and i think it was in a Wayne Dier book but i am not sure. It basically spoke about giving yourself a pat on the back each time you consciously acknowledge that you are thinking negatively and should think about something else, do something else, spend your time on something more productive. I've been doing this when thinking about my sentencing and case as a whole, like for example, if i start getting agitated thinking about the details of what happened i will tell myself "Timothy that is finished and thinking about it is a waste of time" and then a couple moments letter telling myself "You did well, you did the right thing, keep it up" and i feel a lot better and that i actually achieved something today.


I have a new bunkie who is from Palestine and cooks me nice spinach and 'macarella' curry. I get along with him very well and we talk a lot. I know that as I'm in 'transit' I'm not going to be here long so it's been really nice that I've managed to spend some time with him and get to know him a little better as we actually know each other from another spot we were at. God willing (inshallah) he should be going home soon and being reunited with his family and i know that he is going to be a blessing to them. I admire him a lot for the way he lives his life and the choices he has made. It makes me wonder sometimes where i might have been at this point of my life had i not have made the decisions i did over the years but also I'm grateful for the life i HAVE lived and the lessons it HAS given me along the way as we all have our own paths through life we make and comparisons are never a good thing.

As there's a big ass line for the computer at the moment and i can feel some next un-brushed hot-ass breath on my neck from absolute fucking retards that don't understand you're NOT SUPPOSED TO STAND BEHIND PEOPLE WHEN THEY'RE USING THE LAPTOP i should probably wrap this up pretty sharpish..

Thank you to all the people who are picking up shirts. It was only supposed to be a very small run so the response has been much appreciated. Also a big thank you to HurtYouBad and Upmost for the support in spreading the word about them too. I got sent my first letters in MDC Brooklyn this week too from my friends Revekka, Dave, Keely and from someone in Bratislava but the address on the letter had been crossed out and I'm not sure whether that was done by the sender or a passive aggressive staff member so if you're reading this and that address is cool to reply to let me know as soon as possible. My new address should be posted somewhere on here if anyone feels like writing to me and telling me a bit about themselves. Receiving letters from people while i am doing time has been one of the biggest things that has got me through the last thirty one months I've been
incarcerated and i hope that people will continue to do.

Friday, 5 April 2013

The Angry Arab Routine

"..Because i'm an Arab and i work out the best when i'm angry.."


"Before working out i suggest you drink a tablespoon of instant coffee
mixed with no more than a thimble of water. Like a super thick Turkish coffee"

"Then you must squat."

"..medical research has shown that using the bathroom with your knees
at the same level or lower than your anus is very unhealthy.."

"..treat the toilet as if it's a the top of the toilet at ground level
and get naked and stand on the toilet with each foot on the toilet bowl then squat down
so that your ass cheeks are resting on the back of your heels.."


-Ten sets of eight pull-ups. Do the first three sets with your arms as wide apart
as you can with your palms facing out and the next three with your palms facing
towards you before changing to shoulder length with your palms facing towards
you and finishing with two sets of close gripped pull-ups where your wrists are
basically touching.

-Ten sets of fifteen dips. Do the first ten regularly then the last five try to
come down as low as possible so you get a better pump going.

-Ten sets of fifteen pushups. Standing up find some kind of ledge or metal pole
that is around knee height and slightly bend your legs, stick your ass in the air
and put both hands on the bar/pole. You're aiming to do a pushup motion but
the bar is going to be going behind your head and doing this works your back
very well.

-Eight sets of ten reps. Use the towel to loop through the knot at the top of the pillowcase
so you have something to grip hold of (a 'rope' grip) and for the first four sets hold the towel
with your palms facing upwards. Make sure to slightly bend your knees so as not to put too
much strain on your back. Your last four sets are done with your palms facing downwards
and you may want to take your shirt off for the last set just to gas yourself up.

-Eight sets of ten diamond pushups.


"I like to eat either a tuna sandwich or a soup mixed with
all the meats off the trays of the day. That'll satisfy your salt
cravings, everything, the crack head soup is the carbs and
in the evening you can have your peanut butter and banana
sandwich for the sugar before you sleep"

"What are you doing with two bagels?"

"..Just tell me what to want me to put it back or throw it in the trash?"


"I'm NOT gonna have a conversation with you about this!! you're a COP an you're policing BREAD!!"

"I'm NOT gonna have a conversation with you about BREAD at SIX in the morning.."