I wake up to the sound of an astronomical fart. It sounds like someone savagely strangling a duck.
"Yo cellie, i just farted..an it smells like straight shit..i think i shat myself"
Another day in paradise..
Jail is long. It's fucking LONG man, seriously.
You start to look at things in a different light after a while, you kind of have to otherwise you would go completely mental and it would turn into shanksville tennesse.
Being in here, you are detached from society. Most people know this. Life in here though, is a society in itself. There are a lot of politics, business, jokeries and general everyday shit going down that would be happening on road. Overall, you should count your blessings. Everyone. There are motherfuckers all around the world that simply didn't wake up today, people that didn't have a chance at life like me and you get every morning. To wake up, and have the gift of being able to get out of your bed and go make yourself a cup of tea or coffee ('corfee' as they say here..retards) is a blessing in itself.
It might not be fucking gourmey el swanky le noshy, but in jail you get food. It's warm, it's edible, and it will keep you going throughout the day.
In general, if you put the effort in, most of the luxuries you get on road you can get your hands on in prison. You can eat good, you can get some kush, coke, or whatever your poison is, cigarettes, anything. For a certain price. The biggest thing, and the only thing other than freedom that you will miss, is female companionship. That was the biggest adjustment for me, and i assume for most inmates in here. It's fucking lame. Man's is a lover not a fighter, and i've had to turn that around into being a pure fighter in the last couple of months. When in Rome i guess..
..But the point is, you still live. You still laugh. You have good days, and bad days. Most importantly, you need to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Your time in jail needs to be spend as productively as possible, as that is all it is, time. They can't hurt you, they can't break your legs, all they can take from you is time..it is all mental. It doesn't have to be wasted time though. Up until about a month ago, i was stuck in the mindset that my life had been stopped, completely put on hold, while i am in this facility going through this nightmare. That is not the case. Life doesn't have to stop, it's all upto you. As long as you are learning something new everyday, your day has not been wasted. If you are expanding your mind, learning things about yourself and how you view the world, you are gaining new things every day..things that on the outside you would not have the time to do. This is a place to polish up on parts of you that are rusty. Sharpen your tools, focus your mind on dealing with your problems in an Intelectual way, instead of emotionally. Train yourself. Fuck how you got in here, your here now so you have to just deal with it. It was all in gods plan, it was written out for you a long time ago. You couldn't have done anything differently, as if you would've, it wouldn't have been you doing it! What's going to be is going to be...i just need to make sure i have a hand in it, to make it the best it can be. This is, in Sha's words, Gods way of saying
"N****r, tighten the fuck up"
God gave me a slap on the wrist. I should, and do, count my blessings. The negative lifestyle i was leading, and the people i had surrounded myself with were only leading me on a path to unhappyness, unfulfilment and drama..all things i don't need in my life. My time is very precious, no matter where it is spent. There is only ever going to be one Timothy G******* in this world. I was put on this planet at exactly the right time by my creator, for a reason..And so was everyone else.
"Life is a stage, and everyone has their part to play"
I've spent time trying to figure out other peoples actions also.. How people can treat me/others the way they do.. But it's pointless. Something i forget, and need to be remembered of often, is that not everyone has the same values and principles that i do. Not everyone has had the same upbringing that i have. Everybodies parents are different, and they help shape you as a person and the moral fibre that you are made of. Luckily, my parents are amazing human beings that showed me how to love and show compassion for my freinds, family and loved ones..and no matter how hard you try, some people,
will never change.
Sha has some extremely good advice along the same lines...
"know the limitations of kindness. If you pick up a snake from the road so it doesn't get hit by a car, and it bites you, you shouldn't be angry. Despite your intentions, it was still a snake."