Sunday, 6 February 2011

Shit in a Bag Yo

It's been a FUCKING long day..

 Right at this moment, i'm enjoying an ice coffee, listening to 'The Night Train' radio set on 89.9..chilling.
But all has not quite been so hunky dorry in the last twenty four hours...

 I usually don't get up until around eleven o'clock..I should get up early,
especially as Sha has warned me (and i have witnessed) people will fuck you
up while you're asleep..But the assorted array or crude hidden tools i have stashed
at arms reach around my bed keeps me feeling safe enough to snooze as much
of my bid away as possible..Plus, when you're dreaming of being on the tv show
'American Gladiators' and have Scarlet Johanssons legs wrapped around your face,
mans wants to keep snoozin' you geeeeet me!
..Not today i'm afraid...just before miss Johansson eats the sujuk
i am awoken abruptly by my cellie
"YO! It smells of turkish balls and n****r nuts in here, wake the fuck up man..we got class"
 Before i leave, Sha informs me that there is no water til One pm today.
Yep, no WATER. Taps don't work, toilets don't flush. SERIOUSLY!?

..I guess my morning shit can wait til later today..
It's 9am, i can let it ferment for a few hours still..

 There is a huge line at the ice dispenser, people are stocking up on ice and microwaving it for something to drink..i don't bother, i've brushed my teeth already and 1pm isn't that far away, i can wait... to class!
Our teacher's name is 'Biz', and ironically enough, the class is to learn the basics of starting your own business!
 After a brief introduction, we go around the group, stating our initial ideals or plans for our business'...
Like most things in this jail, this class turns into pure jokes..I mean,
when you have KNOWN coccaine barons stating that there 'new' ideas for a business is, in their own words,
"export product from my country'
and even the TEACHER is saying shit like
"do something you love to do! i love to smoke trees, so i'm gonna start growing my own trees when i get out"'s hard not to crease..
 The jokes part is, all these 'classes' go on record, you get a certificate at the end, and that is shown
to your judge upon sentancing to show that you used your time inside productively! Nice!

..class is done..
..One o clock passes..
..Still no water..
 The rumour on the 'street' (i fucking wish), is that the water isn't coming back
on until after five thirty..i THINK i can stop Donatellos bonce from sneaking out my butthole til then..

SEVEN o clock rolls around, and STILL no fucking water is up in this joint..
 The atmosphere is getting extremely shitty. Literally. You can smell it in the air..
Heads are walking around licking off the rankest farts, and these joints ain't wafting away..these
are protest farts, standing their ground, kicking up a stink of biblical proportions..

 Word gets around that we may not get water until tomorrow...


 FOR FUCK SAKE, they expect us to sleep in our cells, with shit just marinating up in the motherfucker?
Yes. Yes they do..
 FUCK that. and FUCK YOU! It's time for action!!

 Without proper running water, there is no way to dispense of your waste. So you improvise..
Plastic bin bags are distributed around (on the low, po po dun know) and almost perfectly
sychronised, man dem start shitting in their bins...Once shat out, one then proceeds to dump
the little package of jailhouse truffles into the rubbish bin next to the guards office :D !
 But the fun doesn't stop there!!
Some of the more off key inamtes feel this doesn't send a loud (or rank) enough message
to the powers that be..

..Bags of shit are placed in the microwave, hidden around the unit like prizes, and put in the
clothes dryer on the highest heat setting.. :D :D :D

 While watching the guards running around on their scavenger hunt for bags of poo is rather
humurous, today has been very eye opening and humbling also..
..I mean, i never thought i would be in a position that i would think of a working
sewage system as a luxury..

..As i said, it's been a long day.
The water is back on, i have taken a shit, shower and had an amazing meal cooked for me by my freind
Q, it consisted of fried rice and bbq for that one mate! He works in the kitchen,
and always puts aside packets of sugar for me in the mornings (i never get up for breakfast) as i
drink coffee like a fiend, using 6 packets of sugar in each one..
 Speaking of, it's around 230am, i should probably stop drinking coffee now and get some sleep..who knows
what tomorrow might bring?
 Some mail? My attorney? Crack?
retribution for the shitfest earlier? who knows!? but on that note..

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