tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59384341998849329572024-03-13T14:54:34.173-07:0063906054New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.comBlogger537125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-5528174987922757322022-12-12T09:30:00.001-08:002022-12-12T09:45:43.027-08:00Anmak<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m trying something a little different.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Things such as <b>this</b>, usually start from a hand written page.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNTJuvzzYOKcc3aZYGfkFEiCetfiPqQc1yBS4Nf2nH6PkLJ3_RBPUjzYkZNiIoUK9mJAL0aXu29YAE84N-mgs5B1dRNVvW7MOhy4bjFHyvsFkchCIP1lnJDsBck9sqED_b5yswGHEqCOd-Fwq5031S__bSE9MP8W_bfU-r1yYyHPSELwuDKwY-AHDFjA/s1280/IMG_9250.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNTJuvzzYOKcc3aZYGfkFEiCetfiPqQc1yBS4Nf2nH6PkLJ3_RBPUjzYkZNiIoUK9mJAL0aXu29YAE84N-mgs5B1dRNVvW7MOhy4bjFHyvsFkchCIP1lnJDsBck9sqED_b5yswGHEqCOd-Fwq5031S__bSE9MP8W_bfU-r1yYyHPSELwuDKwY-AHDFjA/s320/IMG_9250.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I physically <b>write</b> something, </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">it slows my thought process down,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">so I am able to <b>deal</b> with one subject at a time.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>However</b>..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On this day grey, gloomy day..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am taking a <b>different approach</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Which more often than not.. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Will yield a <b>different result</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSo4iRWX1yRo_YYG0i2HyNrvUTLroEAt9Ua7PlrRix6uySSIqZYwZl0BlrbV3i0VJYFw8MeoiIZzTp0jtDbUa4TLnHweeAda__7XSUW-Udk1CNStyhtTZQL70vUVRW-1kOEcFc0VJmRjyHE4JazmapTIebVIQ3MLs78R_BdTmVnVDscuplDuwo2bYVIg/s1600/RKNO1580.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSo4iRWX1yRo_YYG0i2HyNrvUTLroEAt9Ua7PlrRix6uySSIqZYwZl0BlrbV3i0VJYFw8MeoiIZzTp0jtDbUa4TLnHweeAda__7XSUW-Udk1CNStyhtTZQL70vUVRW-1kOEcFc0VJmRjyHE4JazmapTIebVIQ3MLs78R_BdTmVnVDscuplDuwo2bYVIg/s320/RKNO1580.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span><span>The season has changed.</span></span></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>In fact..<br /></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A <b>lot</b> of things have actually changed..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEenVHszaCxBH438Ju01zPXLMhJoX1Bp5O26q_bYdzDm0VJdzaBIQsk-65QON31-yq7_NGRRHnQA2pblmLNY722BDfonn_6GjyceGtYLk7pC76P2MLko5pKc4uNERWuUQhpqDWZmdyxOZ2gAfZemwIc-OBCJkQhACgOn-pzNgy89SeHEYvDOF3sVLFCA/s2440/8f3fdb6a345414b70ece823994d66deb.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2410" data-original-width="2440" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEenVHszaCxBH438Ju01zPXLMhJoX1Bp5O26q_bYdzDm0VJdzaBIQsk-65QON31-yq7_NGRRHnQA2pblmLNY722BDfonn_6GjyceGtYLk7pC76P2MLko5pKc4uNERWuUQhpqDWZmdyxOZ2gAfZemwIc-OBCJkQhACgOn-pzNgy89SeHEYvDOF3sVLFCA/s320/8f3fdb6a345414b70ece823994d66deb.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Awakening to the early morning Mediterranean sun crawling through my doorway is very much a thing of the past.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In its place..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">The soft pitter-patter of salty Aegean raindrops now tap away at the guano that sporadically peppers my dirty, tiled, balcony floor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">For some reason, I’m still sleeping with the door open.</span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">I’m not quite sure why.</span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Perhaps it's nostalgia..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/a2LFVWBmoiw" width="320" youtube-src-id="a2LFVWBmoiw"></iframe></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I imagine that there may be a shared sense of disbelief, or perhaps even relief, that we are all on the cusp of another new year.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Is it ageing?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Accelerating the passing of each year?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">I imagine so.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaRgJXjqP6RrwH8TjT9ByhY9QTslRJhJuPwUPVCUsvcaUbJeUxf0VtvYg9AatHGDP2d6Pe0taOFRu6rJ205uTkVpM7qV4Rzm3Gwz6zKDOdaFhyswc9hQRNO67zyH8KI5_vgv8eIH1e4jJ_q7fJwjladz5hvV1FXPd_iNPZhaZJcM3qSR6jdMttM53SBQ/s3655/FHJX1369.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3655" data-original-width="2924" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaRgJXjqP6RrwH8TjT9ByhY9QTslRJhJuPwUPVCUsvcaUbJeUxf0VtvYg9AatHGDP2d6Pe0taOFRu6rJ205uTkVpM7qV4Rzm3Gwz6zKDOdaFhyswc9hQRNO67zyH8KI5_vgv8eIH1e4jJ_q7fJwjladz5hvV1FXPd_iNPZhaZJcM3qSR6jdMttM53SBQ/s320/FHJX1369.JPG" width="256" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Regardless, at the end of each year, I have somewhat of a ritual.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I take some time, whether it is just before, on or after the New Year, to review the past 365 days, what I <b>did</b>, what it <b>contained</b> and <b>who</b> it was with. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">For better or worse.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">It is an opportunity for me to look through all of my photos, videos and various items that I have accumulated and collected over the year, so I can see, now it has come to an end, how I feel about them and what they <b>finally</b> represent to me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYC6uRb2eL76qb5pWiQw01Bo6WCBjVMwnbx1Eb8hvyCn5HieQiq_eA92-wO5KuBDEfYyY6FHX9Ic1bF2BXZlpdzaQ7kkJX-7JW6UXOY8IstmOIIxfYlEGq3i67GMuBcbL6TNxvMZebf9NtuY-WJTAQLvhAKatNKD0vUi9RSONN1UWepoe-HWFTzoCuHA/s4032/IMG_E9800.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYC6uRb2eL76qb5pWiQw01Bo6WCBjVMwnbx1Eb8hvyCn5HieQiq_eA92-wO5KuBDEfYyY6FHX9Ic1bF2BXZlpdzaQ7kkJX-7JW6UXOY8IstmOIIxfYlEGq3i67GMuBcbL6TNxvMZebf9NtuY-WJTAQLvhAKatNKD0vUi9RSONN1UWepoe-HWFTzoCuHA/s320/IMG_E9800.JPG" width="240" /></span></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When life is actually happening, it's hard for me to always be fully present or conscious of its importance and how much it means.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I do <b>try</b>..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">But I’m also <b>doing</b>. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Rolling with the never ending combination of punches and playing the various cards that I am dealt along the way. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes I <b>win</b>..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes I <b>lose</b>..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">However it's an enjoyable process to go back and <b>reassess</b> it at a later date. To see how I feel. To note what has changed. Take it in for what it was how it pushed me further down the river to where I am now.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">It's a <b>very</b> cathartic experience..</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7HWOOuW2nI4ohXw5Wm0DKOVxUPE-8MT5fuzJhTtREAoCVgFN2NJiaf0g5yic0yz6dc4I02gN3dqz-wARCGcZHbJGvAEW2SKJ_U24LFxZwKBnE6iEyqYt_QYa4deOZ0M8ClfNZNMdVsq_k4XI7Gh-0NlgNO8HDHJrnOKqIwlsMD-LFwEsuqcMpd4hTJA/s4032/BVTY4171.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2738" data-original-width="4032" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7HWOOuW2nI4ohXw5Wm0DKOVxUPE-8MT5fuzJhTtREAoCVgFN2NJiaf0g5yic0yz6dc4I02gN3dqz-wARCGcZHbJGvAEW2SKJ_U24LFxZwKBnE6iEyqYt_QYa4deOZ0M8ClfNZNMdVsq_k4XI7Gh-0NlgNO8HDHJrnOKqIwlsMD-LFwEsuqcMpd4hTJA/s320/BVTY4171.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I am reliant on memories alone, things can often become a little distorted. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Left to my one's own devices, it's not uncommon to conjure your own version of events, a more palatable, acceptable narrative of your life.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">However it can also go both ways..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When life has not gone as we had hoped, a default option is to sabotage genuinely precious moment, tainted it with the forever unhelpful addition of hindsight..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Memories <b>can</b>.. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCq1F5ZH7IFAAY5sBGwiKhSliRZS4CFZzwOSetzkVm8zJQovNhUHsVwhvLx30IfVwzxy3uC2sYAlFUrLqbSjwsLz-tvfuqgKtys1cIA0oFrEnXpHxpKBlEg2c8H90W-RNJbWung55wtUjw_tMlPzRguPeLd1XHm5m3z2v_QXrsnnOGgZXZi1kOTWNcqA/s4032/ESEZ4752.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCq1F5ZH7IFAAY5sBGwiKhSliRZS4CFZzwOSetzkVm8zJQovNhUHsVwhvLx30IfVwzxy3uC2sYAlFUrLqbSjwsLz-tvfuqgKtys1cIA0oFrEnXpHxpKBlEg2c8H90W-RNJbWung55wtUjw_tMlPzRguPeLd1XHm5m3z2v_QXrsnnOGgZXZi1kOTWNcqA/s320/ESEZ4752.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><br /></span></p>And rather <b>often</b>..</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZT1-HgOzBy6yezbO-gAMb_ALcZVdiFyAZ-jm2DSy_udQESau6kpK32bvT22DVyDmbMMts1Lu348upx1_9x1lyxPQhBbaC2nXg70KhjEbFl9iTzgq-wEpjgTcSIoybdcJfUfahGCXg6VedsNC8kBquBlvEoWNsFdap1Yvi5C-LFCANpX9oP7vDR18eSQ/s1280/IMG_9252.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="882" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZT1-HgOzBy6yezbO-gAMb_ALcZVdiFyAZ-jm2DSy_udQESau6kpK32bvT22DVyDmbMMts1Lu348upx1_9x1lyxPQhBbaC2nXg70KhjEbFl9iTzgq-wEpjgTcSIoybdcJfUfahGCXg6VedsNC8kBquBlvEoWNsFdap1Yvi5C-LFCANpX9oP7vDR18eSQ/s320/IMG_9252.JPG" width="221" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><br /></span></p>Become <b>fictionalised</b>.</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS1rUP287UrFbWrDR7_6Og4dbbSLQjoLCAbaAhlS8PCmcl9Oy2Ul1PHq9SL9kcKFF4KJPZMN8M058Lh1a5ZGcnF8l8BI6ChpDYeut0LqNraYziYcUlExisfrq4SGLmtXQQHUYYP2eEVxJ8g6UH0IQvMnlKBpavgjLpupCOZqEa_c9Eh08ZWcOAoFHJ7g/s1280/IMG_8979.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1069" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS1rUP287UrFbWrDR7_6Og4dbbSLQjoLCAbaAhlS8PCmcl9Oy2Ul1PHq9SL9kcKFF4KJPZMN8M058Lh1a5ZGcnF8l8BI6ChpDYeut0LqNraYziYcUlExisfrq4SGLmtXQQHUYYP2eEVxJ8g6UH0IQvMnlKBpavgjLpupCOZqEa_c9Eh08ZWcOAoFHJ7g/s320/IMG_8979.JPG" width="267" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><br /></span></p><b>Romanticised</b>..</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOnj6sL0frCi3WEzgwxDuzUdMzrtJRqLqLN13wNeuzTWkZbTCmHGYhMwUWhmTwuvof_9m0MVDvyEFGvv_U9TGX3LaW4HyhtQaWNCjGE4Z4q_hd3C4_GSCawLzV2vhnRASnNcDx2A9oD-cTShEB2nCK_Qn3SnbtNE1a3VEGQSp-cK0s_t30BzVIcyadaA/s4015/6064FA66-47C3-4BAB-B36B-43B4AE907933.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2564" data-original-width="4015" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOnj6sL0frCi3WEzgwxDuzUdMzrtJRqLqLN13wNeuzTWkZbTCmHGYhMwUWhmTwuvof_9m0MVDvyEFGvv_U9TGX3LaW4HyhtQaWNCjGE4Z4q_hd3C4_GSCawLzV2vhnRASnNcDx2A9oD-cTShEB2nCK_Qn3SnbtNE1a3VEGQSp-cK0s_t30BzVIcyadaA/s320/6064FA66-47C3-4BAB-B36B-43B4AE907933.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><br /></span></p>Even <b>demonised</b>..</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBdF-RjTaFHh_v1wqN3sDtemQeTAUBu4Y7w8U3Ka5oiEH0kHBPB9O4ZcK0qnGV0tBGBWvgHe-UbEKufChv2B4k87DV4Nb9fXkWmYlv9aNqEKt605zOBUdA7hPvJdx-lUed_g1vGvfxXzrSCIo4fLQA2LSzXs0SRytc-rCO3t3zoqp2YSyEzKwZslrZ9A/s4032/DFUF1718.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBdF-RjTaFHh_v1wqN3sDtemQeTAUBu4Y7w8U3Ka5oiEH0kHBPB9O4ZcK0qnGV0tBGBWvgHe-UbEKufChv2B4k87DV4Nb9fXkWmYlv9aNqEKt605zOBUdA7hPvJdx-lUed_g1vGvfxXzrSCIo4fLQA2LSzXs0SRytc-rCO3t3zoqp2YSyEzKwZslrZ9A/s320/DFUF1718.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><br /></span></p><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I quite often can fiddle around with the settings, blasting the saturation, contrast and sharpness of a particular event until it is picturesque enough for me to deal with it.</span></div></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Which..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">In hindsight..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Is <b>not</b> actually reality.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Which removes the opportunity of learning, taking things in for what they were and valuing the people and experiences that have shaped your life up until now.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">So with <b>that</b> being said..</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP5CXtd4svmmIUbnLoiwdoLIfmDOh11yNKZAZE_qLD6LJlFoSMXPth26fLQZeEnNzmEOvnuNLbChvz2de5JcJzNq6-hyw0A_j6z-9-YXGKLfYcX1fpwMhy-2QKQn-sZgZyDwwlw0pWyqTXQaRbjTrWN095t6yuH1j5DkC90u80GGjfwdWWQVjAi8CHoQ/s2759/XGMT9782.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1602" data-original-width="2759" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP5CXtd4svmmIUbnLoiwdoLIfmDOh11yNKZAZE_qLD6LJlFoSMXPth26fLQZeEnNzmEOvnuNLbChvz2de5JcJzNq6-hyw0A_j6z-9-YXGKLfYcX1fpwMhy-2QKQn-sZgZyDwwlw0pWyqTXQaRbjTrWN095t6yuH1j5DkC90u80GGjfwdWWQVjAi8CHoQ/s320/XGMT9782.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><br /></span></p>This is why I am, yes quite a long time before new years eve </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">l</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">ooking back on this year and </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">where</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> I was, </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">what</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> I did and </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">whom</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> I did it with..</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwXZcG59J34xy0t7dU5xGJdZNRL-OABFKxycJe4kIitp6AF5bIfZg5RQQn9lZ_Mw9qzglEW6HechkLAuyoBx79hjsTUyz8TAfm_IcpfClMeG6-CshGRFK55Ejl9tlbII_zxvUhSibEPuiuOFCRMAsyt4q_lC9qcUsqu_zWTV1YlgSokyqIW5Cvdwd7pA/s4032/IMG_6890.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwXZcG59J34xy0t7dU5xGJdZNRL-OABFKxycJe4kIitp6AF5bIfZg5RQQn9lZ_Mw9qzglEW6HechkLAuyoBx79hjsTUyz8TAfm_IcpfClMeG6-CshGRFK55Ejl9tlbII_zxvUhSibEPuiuOFCRMAsyt4q_lC9qcUsqu_zWTV1YlgSokyqIW5Cvdwd7pA/s320/IMG_6890.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>This is my </span><span>second chance</span><span> to definitively </span><b>appreciate</b><span> all that has happened, the times I shared with people, what we did and that</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I simply had the opportunity, no, the <b>pleasure</b>, of experiencing </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">any</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> of it in the first place.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Which is all I really want out of <b>life</b>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj981sK1IRj0xDym34lWtSFe1MVY1r1q7_xARt0fduSGNOPUGAmk59xOuJWElXhuZs_v4ZVxgRfGrnzt5KwZy_wZr71JJs_vblZATTYx9StHcY5liEjE76_Cbkt-VlGzwy12RBVN3beHq2DpdYj9_MTJsv-O45ajAHJVwHwXSHa7KQycsSX_0WrzPHcsw/s1280/SGPN0580.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="879" data-original-width="1280" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj981sK1IRj0xDym34lWtSFe1MVY1r1q7_xARt0fduSGNOPUGAmk59xOuJWElXhuZs_v4ZVxgRfGrnzt5KwZy_wZr71JJs_vblZATTYx9StHcY5liEjE76_Cbkt-VlGzwy12RBVN3beHq2DpdYj9_MTJsv-O45ajAHJVwHwXSHa7KQycsSX_0WrzPHcsw/s320/SGPN0580.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So if you <b>were</b> there..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfwN-Ghu0hiF94qzW_KkavCqk-UuhttMcLQbgLzq6ya2DqdbqLutRsfnFh06Om8GmSfd9IoVbSCXpUnq5tpJIlRF6m_fSu0v4Te6-ck2PsZ3dDNsVraT3SDqbLqvlBm_00OKTfAGssaxo5mIcEPUm-LUQXlcFvVkLkFyFuQhlZNJaIiE_-s0S6ZlVrFw/s1616/1f5a60cc028ccdb6626c5da4703327c8.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1212" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfwN-Ghu0hiF94qzW_KkavCqk-UuhttMcLQbgLzq6ya2DqdbqLutRsfnFh06Om8GmSfd9IoVbSCXpUnq5tpJIlRF6m_fSu0v4Te6-ck2PsZ3dDNsVraT3SDqbLqvlBm_00OKTfAGssaxo5mIcEPUm-LUQXlcFvVkLkFyFuQhlZNJaIiE_-s0S6ZlVrFw/s320/1f5a60cc028ccdb6626c5da4703327c8.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p>In </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">any</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> way shape or form.. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuBznKudOOTW-1xcXSRbc60tt0iLftJz-pDxRHXXaaRihZFlmpLO30QfDNrSHZDmlT_IrideW-9PEaR6C6t4lY8VmZyEwydVf9h3hlQZRcmbZ8xGPZuUnijpsco5M5SbLUfm3DFax05TdkYdB_zOawkYnx6Pdt95JN-tBBwYN1DTBcce51euBsQ6vxsQ/s3473/FC6B9382-56BF-4D9F-AE10-83E4D0078E54.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3473" data-original-width="2809" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuBznKudOOTW-1xcXSRbc60tt0iLftJz-pDxRHXXaaRihZFlmpLO30QfDNrSHZDmlT_IrideW-9PEaR6C6t4lY8VmZyEwydVf9h3hlQZRcmbZ8xGPZuUnijpsco5M5SbLUfm3DFax05TdkYdB_zOawkYnx6Pdt95JN-tBBwYN1DTBcce51euBsQ6vxsQ/s320/FC6B9382-56BF-4D9F-AE10-83E4D0078E54.JPG" width="259" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I appreciate it.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9basvM9_SVFvU6Ap1m5J9m1v-Zp9i_-rShj6uAsTQEgqzeS0s8OMOyymWp0GybguyAwRD0GEtyrMfbqhzl42Domc9kcDOBWSrOqQd98uaAZ3A1YqISG5AEqp9LBl4JfFClYYIpY7ZXpjESY4aClwe_0fOWMcdFq7GRFF2SN0hkEE6CjxSVUSRt6lFDw/s4032/IMG_E4299.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9basvM9_SVFvU6Ap1m5J9m1v-Zp9i_-rShj6uAsTQEgqzeS0s8OMOyymWp0GybguyAwRD0GEtyrMfbqhzl42Domc9kcDOBWSrOqQd98uaAZ3A1YqISG5AEqp9LBl4JfFClYYIpY7ZXpjESY4aClwe_0fOWMcdFq7GRFF2SN0hkEE6CjxSVUSRt6lFDw/s320/IMG_E4299.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p></div>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-78914587336606126352022-09-24T04:57:00.001-07:002022-09-24T04:57:43.527-07:00Yeni<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">Accomplishment.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">An occasionally rare, however welcome feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">This past year on the earth has involved a lot of staring into the abyss.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">It has been taxing for me.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Uprooting from a comfortable (but ultimately unfulfilling) life to seek..something..has been fraught with many trials and tribulations.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Doubts, fears, insecurities and stress have accompanied along this path, like an ever-present transluscent spectre that finds infinite joy at periodically extending its foot in front of me.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqs95cSdskhwL_XC5rtIk3rWXlGR-aawq1Dmk1x_8jJam0Lep5gLY9UMaGPhEa6-rCJYvbDXHJXAh5_qsG_nFhOPe5gVTlPwCIGncrU1UwdHFHJ0G9MSo00sTj-umIvXq7R5TtjlDKwY1_5bqI_aURwVOs23Sssj2D3VO4_gREi9WmJQOUvNk3MX7p9Q/s320/fallen.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="180" data-original-width="320" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqs95cSdskhwL_XC5rtIk3rWXlGR-aawq1Dmk1x_8jJam0Lep5gLY9UMaGPhEa6-rCJYvbDXHJXAh5_qsG_nFhOPe5gVTlPwCIGncrU1UwdHFHJ0G9MSo00sTj-umIvXq7R5TtjlDKwY1_5bqI_aURwVOs23Sssj2D3VO4_gREi9WmJQOUvNk3MX7p9Q/s1600/fallen.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">It is to be expected though.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">An unexpected destination, perhaps even a lack of a <b>defined</b> destination, whether that be metaphorical or geographical, will entail some navigational challenges.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">You just have to crack on..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">or I should say <b>I </b>just need to crack on..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">and, I<b> am</b>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/r6FVk2k4qsM" width="320" youtube-src-id="r6FVk2k4qsM"></iframe></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">I sit here.. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Leaning forward, in a perpetually damaging spinal posture, I am surveying my surroundings..</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">It can be quite peaceful being in a country that you do not speak the language.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">You are free to observe..</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">And what do I observe at this sparsely populated beachfront bar?</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Quite a lot.</p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx9ehVY9dEs6kNk3aMFZbYtD4RiIs7y3Ult5Q5CELQabRAOZ9NtYRLi-YmL2UmUj1Xt7bos3YE-Rqjhf64apgfA1E9nraX_PVS-uBH1S8HyVdxVcEaP04Fv96Gu2s14rxMUwiF8ZAVr9NAxNNvNpvN59z8zePFcz0JTRrQYwjVx-LhO09yD7NKYK8l2g/s3603/D5108D61-63A6-4807-855B-BAA49CC5E356.JPG" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3603" data-original-width="2883" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx9ehVY9dEs6kNk3aMFZbYtD4RiIs7y3Ult5Q5CELQabRAOZ9NtYRLi-YmL2UmUj1Xt7bos3YE-Rqjhf64apgfA1E9nraX_PVS-uBH1S8HyVdxVcEaP04Fv96Gu2s14rxMUwiF8ZAVr9NAxNNvNpvN59z8zePFcz0JTRrQYwjVx-LhO09yD7NKYK8l2g/s320/D5108D61-63A6-4807-855B-BAA49CC5E356.JPG" width="256" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">There is a large, black, aggressive dog tied to a bar stool..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">Every potential customer at this establishment is greeted with a display of dominance from this dog, it barks, growls and snarls, to the backdrop of early nineties techno (<b>techno techno techno</b>).</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9LPPJ6h2nQ8fefrTJQ9IGm8LIMkSQTDXsht9Df8BDGJPstOgY0P7V-U6BMvCNmiHF5M6prtb9VmK9fGo1UOD9T-UWuR6DmGlHk77dXQI6CgAhA7X5F9DJIiXm3XypU02EeQ9MhP4hB9lhreQOHs316LCkimuMcS2mkeYeyesC4rDGPzBBTup1zP164Q/s1280/IMG_7694.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9LPPJ6h2nQ8fefrTJQ9IGm8LIMkSQTDXsht9Df8BDGJPstOgY0P7V-U6BMvCNmiHF5M6prtb9VmK9fGo1UOD9T-UWuR6DmGlHk77dXQI6CgAhA7X5F9DJIiXm3XypU02EeQ9MhP4hB9lhreQOHs316LCkimuMcS2mkeYeyesC4rDGPzBBTup1zP164Q/s320/IMG_7694.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This year has been interesting..</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">When I think back to the winter, I was training.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">I wasn't sure what I was training for.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">But it kept me occupied..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS8jqQeGFAMFEtlT1JFD1yWMoXt1jAIMm-jiQJnRpzmY4vpHx7S8RjdE2FHz3zN3hobc2M8yZU7sVLCboWMd4LZ8dLKArZDNL6CfNl77hBCushRDd-4jAA5x0XdpbWnXw-JSZVbA8RVvG-dfB5_hjfu_o4hQcN5FReJQrpJcbqbDFNn1l4xFDLVMFuLQ/s1404/IMG_4590.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1404" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS8jqQeGFAMFEtlT1JFD1yWMoXt1jAIMm-jiQJnRpzmY4vpHx7S8RjdE2FHz3zN3hobc2M8yZU7sVLCboWMd4LZ8dLKArZDNL6CfNl77hBCushRDd-4jAA5x0XdpbWnXw-JSZVbA8RVvG-dfB5_hjfu_o4hQcN5FReJQrpJcbqbDFNn1l4xFDLVMFuLQ/s320/IMG_4590.jpg" width="283" /></a></div><br /><span lang="EN-US">Getting up at silly o'clock every morning to set up a tripod..</span><div><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div><div><span lang="EN-US">Noting down the exact time and position of the sunrise as it crept over the surrounding mountains..</span></div><div><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">It was a lot of work.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">However I finally arrived.. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">At <b>accomplishment</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pNy5v_WqC10" width="320" youtube-src-id="pNy5v_WqC10"></iframe></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">While in pursuit of my creative goal, I had some well needed progression,</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Economically.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">It was a great relief, after a year’s worth of seemingly never ending false starts, close calls and unclear avenues of opportunity..</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQ7hgsz_jnPOgUIBvwcbXw_aAaKAEGsQD7UfmSXJg0dILifJTTqcLKzWlIhCEjjdovY4drRyP-2sWyxJ8mjbE0MtqxluZ1WajDNXyi4ycH_hUYWGTVaM2It1E2WN_Ijmf9dHoGNAvPMBDE6f9co3RYSMXEprWmeP_pmXw5W7ckFRIrBMiL5dl_Novcw/s553/10407900_580874572048105_52710866851998552_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="410" data-original-width="553" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQ7hgsz_jnPOgUIBvwcbXw_aAaKAEGsQD7UfmSXJg0dILifJTTqcLKzWlIhCEjjdovY4drRyP-2sWyxJ8mjbE0MtqxluZ1WajDNXyi4ycH_hUYWGTVaM2It1E2WN_Ijmf9dHoGNAvPMBDE6f9co3RYSMXEprWmeP_pmXw5W7ckFRIrBMiL5dl_Novcw/s320/10407900_580874572048105_52710866851998552_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span lang="EN-US">The feedback I have received has been really positive. </span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">Thank you if you have taken the time to watch it..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/tNjZndIA6F8" width="320" youtube-src-id="tNjZndIA6F8"></iframe></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">Being where I am, it has taken and while, is still taking a while I should say, to readjust to my surroundings. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US">This isn't meant culturally (at least not in <b>this</b> instance) it is meant in terms of what I do.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">I now realise that it doesn't make sense to continue the same habits, especially if seeking different results. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">There is a time and place for everything and when it isn't the time or place, a lot of thought needs to go into where my attention lies and where it should be directed.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">It's not an easy question as it isn't something you can really ask advice for. No one knows what you should be doing, how you should spend your time or which activities speak to you.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">There are no magic words that can fix a situation,</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">So knowing this..</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">Where does one get the answers to questions of this nature?</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cSUN-brKpGnss7toxaezgui9kQj_CEL_icAirVIm9TAGkMkCRmaN88uQgmXjS60B-5zD_gtFHRHi-g7Isq9Ue_Wr7hnN9c_UuX2FY9XGrbvlbJJeBHovzM7a_C_2hrBKWpirVVmAElb1dps8BCysWKjLH4Esb7hrujG2qdiuPiVWVDX5AS-8QcPv2w/s1280/IMG_7693.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="852" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cSUN-brKpGnss7toxaezgui9kQj_CEL_icAirVIm9TAGkMkCRmaN88uQgmXjS60B-5zD_gtFHRHi-g7Isq9Ue_Wr7hnN9c_UuX2FY9XGrbvlbJJeBHovzM7a_C_2hrBKWpirVVmAElb1dps8BCysWKjLH4Esb7hrujG2qdiuPiVWVDX5AS-8QcPv2w/s320/IMG_7693.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p></div>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-64731613373899921162022-04-10T03:42:00.003-07:002022-04-10T05:25:56.040-07:00Vatan<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pNy5v_WqC10" width="320" youtube-src-id="pNy5v_WqC10"></iframe></div><div><br /></div>From <a href="#">Ottoman Turkish</a> <a href="#">وطن</a> (vatan, “home; homeland; stable, coop”)<div>from <a href="#">Arabic</a> <a href="#">وَطَن</a> (waṭan).</div>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-2924776403969664592022-02-11T01:05:00.000-08:002022-02-11T01:05:09.866-08:00şöyle böyle <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Well that was certainly a good start.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fighting the bitter Aegean winter temperatures with a brisk jog around the local lagoon. The water is a shimmering shade of turquoise, the track is dust, and it’s scattered with a jagged array of sharp antagonistic pebbles..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I fell off two months ago.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As in, from my routine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">I was visiting this place twice a day, sun up and sun down, pull-ups push-ups and dips in the morning, seven </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">kilo-meter</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> run in the evening. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgVKSLFOorOJXkt6vw2nYiKHR4ZXCPn8FY7ahZ9s9m2t1kbkC6Hg8Bxpe3eeRok7LwQ4u7B4ElTB9QEXXJ4svwgQ6fSXowuOUwRQgDF00QfesNOOhdCyAmL7ym6chvNJK7PvWi9WIAaGjNq-GeHzkCy3G8Hx0pyp5sk9r-CdkY_cRqeEA2QaZlvA3769w=s1768" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1768" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgVKSLFOorOJXkt6vw2nYiKHR4ZXCPn8FY7ahZ9s9m2t1kbkC6Hg8Bxpe3eeRok7LwQ4u7B4ElTB9QEXXJ4svwgQ6fSXowuOUwRQgDF00QfesNOOhdCyAmL7ym6chvNJK7PvWi9WIAaGjNq-GeHzkCy3G8Hx0pyp5sk9r-CdkY_cRqeEA2QaZlvA3769w=s320" width="225" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Motivation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It comes, and it goes..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I recall being given the advice that you should build yourself up during the winter, so you’re fresh for the summer. That might actually be DJ Khalid line. Doesn’t matter, sometimes I forget who told me what, it all kind of collides together into a low budget episode of Oz..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Regardless, I find the advice amusing right now, as it is cold.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No not England cold, but it’s still cold..<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mustering up the willpower to duck out the door and run the gauntlet of very bored and very excitable stray dogs that live outside my house, when my breath is visible, is taking some getting used to. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgx4C3kSR47A-l-rHllrVJC4deRJw_B7pqOI5kEtK2L4pSi7sUm9rntm9hqWVg5H3RPTh7RkbwqDV2AfPRrVevmqHRFbMpPSQ0QAmLYEQnILqky5MhUvOARcJPT-Sdf-Nb-rOaEwyt6IFLsZ3nH-N3b-rbQY9W1nGa9XpJdnaAeu1EkVRflSe-Tkh3XbQ=s3808" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2817" data-original-width="3808" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgx4C3kSR47A-l-rHllrVJC4deRJw_B7pqOI5kEtK2L4pSi7sUm9rntm9hqWVg5H3RPTh7RkbwqDV2AfPRrVevmqHRFbMpPSQ0QAmLYEQnILqky5MhUvOARcJPT-Sdf-Nb-rOaEwyt6IFLsZ3nH-N3b-rbQY9W1nGa9XpJdnaAeu1EkVRflSe-Tkh3XbQ=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 10pt;">But it’s happening.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />I'm back on it.</span></span></p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QrDXdBItYv4" width="320" youtube-src-id="QrDXdBItYv4"></iframe></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I gave myself a motto years ago, which was, roughly, “as long as you <b>exercise</b>, <b>create</b> and <b>write</b>, things will work out”. I actually carved it into the ceiling of my cell. It had more back then, such as the crudely scrawled “eat a dick” by a smelly gold teethed prat down the tier, however the three I have mentioned still stand.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Upon arriving here </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 10pt;">I </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 10pt;">have</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 10pt;"> put them into play.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Has it worked?</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEif-dCuA6JTN1srnKI8AQ-zoUwXSnZ1ZXt4UZ3bSIR1PSqvFyOG__NvxQ5-Uj0pNNizkNlGgMMymJiKmXmNugaVFjUxCUk0HLf7ZUoJDperVilN-8nB9VroqRPYmMDN_DU17GaheIpHe11nMqfKrAZhP9hMZXVqa0fiQTT9wpp56RtU77atDp9fY-dkww=s3895" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2291" data-original-width="3895" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEif-dCuA6JTN1srnKI8AQ-zoUwXSnZ1ZXt4UZ3bSIR1PSqvFyOG__NvxQ5-Uj0pNNizkNlGgMMymJiKmXmNugaVFjUxCUk0HLf7ZUoJDperVilN-8nB9VroqRPYmMDN_DU17GaheIpHe11nMqfKrAZhP9hMZXVqa0fiQTT9wpp56RtU77atDp9fY-dkww=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></p><br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-8413174667530222642022-01-24T01:21:00.004-08:002022-01-24T01:30:32.150-08:00Birak<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m tired. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgxh-T2CO79lBvcParZaK0uA_N58jpkBglOPWk8vVsws3UYCapXB1KABnu79mLrrcHf1QfNFJGPBkMofsXEa11rkAWjP_lPRW7X1QRzKR6UQhsG7q-kC0DufYf2ZFEQMMaEyhXrMrsUpBMDgxWfdCl8DPVbYnnb-Ozgi7PVshxSH1NjrTm_q3xfCK4rhw=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgxh-T2CO79lBvcParZaK0uA_N58jpkBglOPWk8vVsws3UYCapXB1KABnu79mLrrcHf1QfNFJGPBkMofsXEa11rkAWjP_lPRW7X1QRzKR6UQhsG7q-kC0DufYf2ZFEQMMaEyhXrMrsUpBMDgxWfdCl8DPVbYnnb-Ozgi7PVshxSH1NjrTm_q3xfCK4rhw=s320" width="320" /></a></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The age-old feeling of being inadequate, incapable, that my sand is escaping down the doomsday hourglass without being put to any meaningful or worthwhile use..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Therefore translating my <b>present</b> life and its composites, as teflon-wrapped, ironclad, proof of said inferiority, because I have yet to blossom into a brand new, glamorous career, teeming with financial security, quarterly growth and parental pride..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Whatever it is that I AM spending my time doing..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As it is not visible to the outside world nor baring any immediate currency shaped fruit..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">It is conclusive proof, </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">that, </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I <b>am</b>,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhqDpVCv6H0oJB3KqMBo9OxOiME0m1uLXTc81QmZYeeuX631IAISVNVdgB2rMio8S2rcKeuze5WC3emBmElaQaaS6_VI1aMR9OJlz0VjZe60CfxwgUiC0kaPbCug1PsQ7uLUcezClmXCTt3YopNahJ1ZWPhNZTZjmXUM6W184Aov67JeNXWqCJqZm0_ZQ=s994" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="994" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhqDpVCv6H0oJB3KqMBo9OxOiME0m1uLXTc81QmZYeeuX631IAISVNVdgB2rMio8S2rcKeuze5WC3emBmElaQaaS6_VI1aMR9OJlz0VjZe60CfxwgUiC0kaPbCug1PsQ7uLUcezClmXCTt3YopNahJ1ZWPhNZTZjmXUM6W184Aov67JeNXWqCJqZm0_ZQ=s320" width="241" /></span></a></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">A <b>shithouse</b>.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">--</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Time for a cigarette..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZihtRTgYU4s" width="320" youtube-src-id="ZihtRTgYU4s"></iframe></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">You know..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I sway between writing personal things like this, a summarised venting of built up internal dialogue that more often than not gestates a day or so in draft format before being blasted through the recycle bin, and writing something that has a moral purpose or metaphor infused with a life experience, a bit of biography embedded with a jewel, to give something to whomever has taken the time out of their day, to read..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">However..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">The venting <b>is</b> also helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That's how this blog started, or, at least what it became, a procedure that extracted whatever topic or issue was causing me discomfort, stress or anxiety. A ritual of dissection, slowly down the tumble-dryer of spinning information and imaginative outcomes, an opportunity to pluck one topic at a time to be inspected, analysed and ultimately abandoned. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I think a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes I feel my brain is hard wired, to invest thought into vast, elaborate, intricate tapestries of imagined outcomes, the why's and why not’ of others choosing. I like to know how something has come to be, how behaviour is governed, patterns, root causes, ripple effects, however it is also a behavioral trait of mine that keeps me up at night and loses me an incalculable amount of sleep.. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Writing <b>is</b> a way to deal with this. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Once I write down whatever is bothering me, it tends to stay there. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t need to remind myself of anything, I don’t need to rerun the hypothetical possibilities of all these outcomes that have yet to be..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I don't even need to read what I have written..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">It’s there.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Here</b>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I can leave it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-55080543725149482742022-01-09T06:38:01.001-08:002022-01-11T07:12:19.857-08:00Not today.<p><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s <b>quite</b> a gloomy day today.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Waking up to the morning sun streaming through my window seems to be long gone, in its place are charcoal clouds, slowly tumbling down the mountains that surround my tiled, quite cold, temporary place of residence..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">I am not going for a run.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiv1f1Tp4Yl-WvygrxFtDHWhgHy99lu-hQ-W20KdYQwkS-LmpxnaxATy3CHdxiosqmS8jsaPrAGM49j23_lj54G9X2BeefaT8oOxocYfb5q6zCpolVqRKnZxQn2Y1VArflBqrCICvr3Wovd55kUa_r5xE_7-TI3-XnOTudpWE-rITKKbLR2q6VlIQMVcg=s480" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="480" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiv1f1Tp4Yl-WvygrxFtDHWhgHy99lu-hQ-W20KdYQwkS-LmpxnaxATy3CHdxiosqmS8jsaPrAGM49j23_lj54G9X2BeefaT8oOxocYfb5q6zCpolVqRKnZxQn2Y1VArflBqrCICvr3Wovd55kUa_r5xE_7-TI3-XnOTudpWE-rITKKbLR2q6VlIQMVcg=s320" width="320" /></span></a></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">No.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Today, I am grappling with the age old human dilemma of <b>purpose</b>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>My </b>purpose.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can, at least to make myself feel better/more connected, make somewhat of an educated guess and say that a notable proportion of people will, at some point in their life, feel this ominous question arise..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As I am laying foundations right now for my foreseeable future, it is proving <b>quite</b> the challenge.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">Seven years ago, however, it didn't seem quite so important.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;">My mind was elsewhere..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg8kZ0s4yHUnRWBmdqX1YHeXPxyLA1RR6VgNkBPC3H_-XzbDE0mblpH6n7ERIdSnvMnFEE39xlsEbhR3ZESwAK1hmxQrKELbL8lqy6polsY-uug_SLp9RyJFdra-_ZMB390y5oqTt2QDZTWVE_42-zbNQxj0ou4ueFjh4t1dQsyyXzxUsyDg-nCScdIrA=s3777" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2919" data-original-width="3777" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg8kZ0s4yHUnRWBmdqX1YHeXPxyLA1RR6VgNkBPC3H_-XzbDE0mblpH6n7ERIdSnvMnFEE39xlsEbhR3ZESwAK1hmxQrKELbL8lqy6polsY-uug_SLp9RyJFdra-_ZMB390y5oqTt2QDZTWVE_42-zbNQxj0ou4ueFjh4t1dQsyyXzxUsyDg-nCScdIrA=s320" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You see..</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cIMKJ43TFLs" width="320" youtube-src-id="cIMKJ43TFLs"></iframe></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><br /></span></div>After my compulsory forty-four month enclosure had come to its long-awaited expiration, it was, as is now, a time to regroup and rebuild. However, as I had been excluded from society (coupled with the forced insertion and detainment in another not so welcome one)I yearned to simply return to what I had lost.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The coping mechanism I had employed for the first few years inside, was mentally shutting myself off from everything exterior to my dwelling. From my point of view, what I saw in front of me was all there was. I didn't want to hear about what was happening beyond the concrete walls of the 9th floor of the Manhattan Correctional Center, as it didn't apply to me, I had no stake in it, so did not want to be tortured by stories of a world full of colours, sights, sounds and opportunities that I could not play a part in.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yet once sentencing had finally commenced (after thirty bloody months I might add) and a light had in fact been lit at what could only be described as, until now, a telescopic funhouse tunnel that seemed to stretch and skew depending on which clown-faced lawyer was sat opposite me on the fifth floor attorney conference section of the jail, I had a date..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Which changed everything.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I could now dream..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I could fantasise..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(not like <b>that</b> you <b>dirty</b> bastard)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I could actually start to paint a picture of what may lie for me, what my kind of future I was returning to and what I wanted from my upcoming return..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh_8nXOmLp9mFQ4C98fRmR_d1wvOVPJNlQNrxBAdtLzjq3Ifprl14jf-aNH1JLR6dQyt1xlXvhj9ztdI_gqpodbcsUHdGJF4Ic-Y8D634KcFdQ5t-ZC4T1YGKcDOqrCUY9UoeaA2iN2hS_9xlz34Iak87YSnKIrfDV_Z1-uNLXaglNjwFbhH1EtP749_w=s1922" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1162" data-original-width="1922" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh_8nXOmLp9mFQ4C98fRmR_d1wvOVPJNlQNrxBAdtLzjq3Ifprl14jf-aNH1JLR6dQyt1xlXvhj9ztdI_gqpodbcsUHdGJF4Ic-Y8D634KcFdQ5t-ZC4T1YGKcDOqrCUY9UoeaA2iN2hS_9xlz34Iak87YSnKIrfDV_Z1-uNLXaglNjwFbhH1EtP749_w=s320" width="320" /></span></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: left;">Unless you are in for some kind of heinous crime worthy of jailhouse retribution, it is unlikely you will spend whatever period of time you have been kindly sentenced to, alone, without company. Great hardship can be forged into unbreakable bonds between human beings, bringing us closer and allowing one another to share burden and alleviate each others suffering..</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjMB235KlmF9euryxryBJnTSGvQ28o48LaA3Q-RdFtDou5EwBW4afty-XFpheH1pin8m7E1N-12hRrRSEbBUIvB7goKRGICPBB_XbIBJYdux8gW53enPSOkcCe05s86bBskyB2v-2lpI1fAce3aEbBiaetSJ7zdwgI1FKb87UMxiV6p8j8cLQemJXsdQA=s1794" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1794" data-original-width="1194" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjMB235KlmF9euryxryBJnTSGvQ28o48LaA3Q-RdFtDou5EwBW4afty-XFpheH1pin8m7E1N-12hRrRSEbBUIvB7goKRGICPBB_XbIBJYdux8gW53enPSOkcCe05s86bBskyB2v-2lpI1fAce3aEbBiaetSJ7zdwgI1FKb87UMxiV6p8j8cLQemJXsdQA=s320" width="213" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Once the dial on my personal prison time had hit zero and I was whisked back to the shores of the United Kingdom, physically, I had left and it was time to start again..</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Besides the constant Sepia filtered scenes of <b>my</b> New York, repetitiously showing up in my dreams like an unobtainable internal montage more than likely distorted and exaggerated greatest hits, I was focused on what I wanted to do.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was time to move on..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>This</b> is what<b> </b>I wanted to do.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To move on..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjQyC6-Jx5n-DcppZKDTYhP3nGdUgqoWr5XUZJRHhJ5vOnukNDi9jKG8Lxl44YGM6VK52hepPHCNudrVd7gxBK7oSpAy0kXbcGlPMSZAUWe8tEJeF9VIcM6Fa_LOrkbyEbZG00hX21KxF39mtKMRbgvebGl2S8lRS-MsyEVUuKxr-r5cC-5jc4o4YA65A=s960" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjQyC6-Jx5n-DcppZKDTYhP3nGdUgqoWr5XUZJRHhJ5vOnukNDi9jKG8Lxl44YGM6VK52hepPHCNudrVd7gxBK7oSpAy0kXbcGlPMSZAUWe8tEJeF9VIcM6Fa_LOrkbyEbZG00hX21KxF39mtKMRbgvebGl2S8lRS-MsyEVUuKxr-r5cC-5jc4o4YA65A=s320" width="240" /></span></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And normality <b>was</b> my <b>answer</b>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I yearned for the <b>normality</b> of the life that I <b>assumed</b> was waiting for me.. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The life that I had spent thousands of hours mentally piecing together, like a patchwork quilt, made of memories, photos and highly likely upon reflection, fabricated (but well wished) assumptions of how I would feel upon my return.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">After all..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I</b> would be <b>back</b>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi_ljzh4li1btMDR2hzq0bKSSHPTMIZJ4j9LQvOXPjKqOdAMJnB49QC5Bj4Cbvs7P8RFdkmJM-L0dQsvYl3H7OQSPJ_ypvpXlFNx5GodUbIZ9nWPLYSYJvI1IowX57QvFML-6gzrJ-0HX0SyqCKubSYR8ZIj47nvmME1u6-J1qLSUd7-IITQLqMnad6wA=s1920" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi_ljzh4li1btMDR2hzq0bKSSHPTMIZJ4j9LQvOXPjKqOdAMJnB49QC5Bj4Cbvs7P8RFdkmJM-L0dQsvYl3H7OQSPJ_ypvpXlFNx5GodUbIZ9nWPLYSYJvI1IowX57QvFML-6gzrJ-0HX0SyqCKubSYR8ZIj47nvmME1u6-J1qLSUd7-IITQLqMnad6wA=s320" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Surely</b> that would be enough.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Even if it wasn't, if I managed to get through the previous four years, how hard could it be. Plus everyone <b>knows</b> that in society, you can <b>always</b> find people who have shared life experiences similar to your own, enabling you to find a sense of normality and belonging..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjMNhrqsNsIMHaIXLIy6XVqiByE8_oDS6EkLfJHAg7nLq6Kn1omUO52Yz6309p3bQANO3_Cj5bqwuS4v1MmMjup-S-RDRSVwRA-lLaJE938GX7bLIin8uDSEyyH3PUdtw3zmrL180tz7nQE8h0f2FAEb3TCc49xHCKMV6QV6sJZOYoShGwk-IwXvcgldQ=s1769" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1769" data-original-width="1221" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjMNhrqsNsIMHaIXLIy6XVqiByE8_oDS6EkLfJHAg7nLq6Kn1omUO52Yz6309p3bQANO3_Cj5bqwuS4v1MmMjup-S-RDRSVwRA-lLaJE938GX7bLIin8uDSEyyH3PUdtw3zmrL180tz7nQE8h0f2FAEb3TCc49xHCKMV6QV6sJZOYoShGwk-IwXvcgldQ=s320" width="221" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">--</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7YDzkjCnQA4" width="320" youtube-src-id="7YDzkjCnQA4"></iframe></span></div></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As i sit here..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On this dark, damp, soggy morning, peering out the window onto a khaki green coastal hillside..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>Speckled with white stones, nestled in-between a vast miss-matched assortment of weathered trees and pote</span><span>ntially paintable half-built, abandoned houses, serenaded by the traditional Turkish guitar or <span style="color: white;">"<span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36);">bağlama"..</span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span><span color="var(--ytd-video-primary-info-renderer-title-color,var(--yt-spec-text-primary))" style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: var(--ytd-video-primary-info-renderer-title-font-variant,inherit);"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-variant: var(--ytd-video-primary-info-renderer-title-font-variant,inherit);"><span><span color="var(--ytd-video-primary-info-renderer-title-color,var(--yt-spec-text-primary))">I am </span></span></span><span color="var(--ytd-video-primary-info-renderer-title-color,var(--yt-spec-text-primary))" style="font-variant: var(--ytd-video-primary-info-renderer-title-font-variant,inherit);">looking for answers.</span></span></p></div>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-42125245436992282662021-11-29T13:39:00.001-08:002021-11-29T13:43:14.249-08:00başlangıç<p>It has been a good week..</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ETj38k8-6ls" width="320" youtube-src-id="ETj38k8-6ls"></iframe></div><br />So.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwD0f8glCJ4tc24mLFJRcXwKCxfqU9ckgJFO5R5fiU0OFiclmHgeF4ojq0tDOHWf3xl6TdewqmmcxXXLq-RD3tKRC4AzQoTypQHv8RkkeNVu6Jla5fX9UYQ20BWiEkONHVF1nZjVgeforL/s2048/Beginning.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwD0f8glCJ4tc24mLFJRcXwKCxfqU9ckgJFO5R5fiU0OFiclmHgeF4ojq0tDOHWf3xl6TdewqmmcxXXLq-RD3tKRC4AzQoTypQHv8RkkeNVu6Jla5fX9UYQ20BWiEkONHVF1nZjVgeforL/s320/Beginning.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div><br /><p>After a week (or so) off the wagon, I ran for the last six days. It was only supposed to be five, but the weather spoke to me. Putting my trainers in the wash was my idea of forcing myself to take Saturday off, but the urge came (along with the ol' No Excuses mantra haunting my almost constant internal monologue) so I strapped on a pair of "gEnUiNe FaKe" Nike's that I acquired early on in my English Exodus, however, I'm now paying for it, in the form of huge blisters along the side of each foot..</p><p>What else..</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWbK6Y0dZpdH7SqcO8gfiVG2p4jBwQ-MtMQBi_iXgc2MDkCb30WgUZ_hvr0DDmgd-8XOdAUl8GUeW_iXCFMK29bD10w1EA4VB4bea_5sVdYhFaHcluCg6zrjNeyOxYcGo78we5hd0-8b-C/s4032/Summer.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWbK6Y0dZpdH7SqcO8gfiVG2p4jBwQ-MtMQBi_iXgc2MDkCb30WgUZ_hvr0DDmgd-8XOdAUl8GUeW_iXCFMK29bD10w1EA4VB4bea_5sVdYhFaHcluCg6zrjNeyOxYcGo78we5hd0-8b-C/s320/Summer.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Finally managed to sift through thousands of photos taken over the past five years or so, quite a few tasty gems in there if I do say so myself. Laptop isn't sharing the enthusiasm, flooding the screen with an almost constant cry of low disk space. Not much I can do about that m8.</p><p>Sketching..</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC2OoxeA0moxDCKjTDTXKmopxcJMbU_x5S8dTpFovTw3UADJ27T39_kWjVUPB6_D5HoxS_I-YUnhp_KEOPln6aZO2LOKZ2DLzBaVJXvvUPtU1X4hLbvNofijh5NdBgXau_A1Fch3IOXqVV/s2048/suleyman.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1175" data-original-width="2048" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC2OoxeA0moxDCKjTDTXKmopxcJMbU_x5S8dTpFovTw3UADJ27T39_kWjVUPB6_D5HoxS_I-YUnhp_KEOPln6aZO2LOKZ2DLzBaVJXvvUPtU1X4hLbvNofijh5NdBgXau_A1Fch3IOXqVV/s320/suleyman.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>With a limited fund, comes prioritisation. The days of getting paint on dizzy are long gone, so after about six months of almost exclusively sketching in cheap as chips highlighters, I have now decided to crack out the paint pens. Definitely cheaper than dropping X amount of foreign currency on "sprey boya", especially when I'm (or at least i'd like to think i'm) trying out new ideas, that have a high chance of flopping on a wall..</p><p>I think I'm also over the hump on today's 24 hour fast. </p><p>Yeah, I've started that again too..</p><p>Is this routine starting to sound familiar?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VrOnCDjwcEk" width="320" youtube-src-id="VrOnCDjwcEk"></iframe></div>It should.<br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-14337862659923440842021-08-20T07:43:00.001-07:002021-08-20T07:43:50.005-07:00Friday 20th August 2021<p><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14pt;">I am sat in an attic, eating a bowl of noobishly chopped watermelon, hiding from the blistering </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">(38 degree) </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14pt;">Mediterranean heat..</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsRTDAvXvWjgW8pZQg3MFU3oTCfScudnVvkH9YDV0rrEI4R-VHiMQ3Ou-kH-nuzk-HmWaAA2X92rWH0YgalvJO3jwKxw0LKtYFrGKO-El_rMuJhPmvg6M8ESNqwX0cGR2VEWVl2wg63dd/s2048/0b463ec096d4fa0ecdf9285a0f3a27fd.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1467" data-original-width="2048" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsRTDAvXvWjgW8pZQg3MFU3oTCfScudnVvkH9YDV0rrEI4R-VHiMQ3Ou-kH-nuzk-HmWaAA2X92rWH0YgalvJO3jwKxw0LKtYFrGKO-El_rMuJhPmvg6M8ESNqwX0cGR2VEWVl2wg63dd/s320/0b463ec096d4fa0ecdf9285a0f3a27fd.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p>I got up at six today.</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Admittedly, I DID go back to sleep for an hour, but never the less I managed to make it out the door and go for a decent workout before the sun becomes too unbearable.. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Not a bad start to the day at all. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">However I am now at the witching hour, the time of the afternoon when I am not quite sure what to do with myself, hence why I am writing this, to see if I can get some form of clarity or guidance on what’s going on in right now in my life..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">As this is an odd period for me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UWIIPX_5rbM" width="320" youtube-src-id="UWIIPX_5rbM"></iframe></div><br /><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">After seven years of being back in England, I made the decision that it was time for a new chapter. It didn’t happen overnight, a lot of different factors where in play, which led to me packing up and heading in a different direction. Since making that decision, which I do not regret, a lot has happened. Good and..not bad, per say, however I am definitely at a place that feels eerily similar to my former surroundings. That feeling of uncertainty, a lack of control, no clarity on what is ahead of me or what I can do to navigate these quite unclear waters I have dived into..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">There is a part of me that tells myself, look, you’ve been here before, do what you did then. That place was (FAR) worse, as was the challenges you faced, and you did just fine. However there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to have to revert back to that time anymore. I don’t want to have to bring that up every time things get hard in the outside world.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">It’s draining.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Time has passed and with it, so has my need to constantly remind myself of what I did under those circumstances and because I did, that I don’t have an excuse to feel a certain way when things get difficult, now that I’m back..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Anyway..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Shortly upon my arrival, I imagine as a reaction to my somewhat disheveled and quite exhausted appearance, my father imparted me with some advice as to how I should cope with the coming challenges ahead..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq6v-XpoBmS_a6kTgxr1jOz84vf0XDt0Uko21J7KKeNNyhBGd91BR8Vm7aL-Jmrj92fjlut_1NjfHOZImeYLNWfAnTrWEzXjsAFQ_NjLVeuxRGw9CVqo8tPZgvlqTkCJ4DN1O3suQmyFs1/s2048/gats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq6v-XpoBmS_a6kTgxr1jOz84vf0XDt0Uko21J7KKeNNyhBGd91BR8Vm7aL-Jmrj92fjlut_1NjfHOZImeYLNWfAnTrWEzXjsAFQ_NjLVeuxRGw9CVqo8tPZgvlqTkCJ4DN1O3suQmyFs1/s320/gats.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p>“In Italy, they say un passo alla volta”</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">What does that mean.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">“one step at a time..”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">It doesn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">But it's close enough..<o:p></o:p></span></p>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-5749859795337835292015-05-20T08:22:00.003-07:002015-05-21T06:05:00.271-07:00One year on..<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">On May the 6th 2014 I was released from federal custody. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">After a few days of working out, watching people tattoo each other with staples, accidentally going to a meeting of the Nation of Islam instead of Jummah, sketching and assuring people that the nine month maximum sentencing they where facing was really, really, not a big deal, i was tipped off that ICE (immigration and Customs Enforcement) where coming to put me on my plane home back to the United Kingdom.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I shaved, said my goodbyes, gave away the few remaining items of clothing, bags of coffee and sugar, changed into the pair of jeans, shirt and jacket i had kindly been sent to come home in and shackled, given a bottle of water and plonked in the back of a plastic coated squad car with a VERY hard plastic seat, to be whisked five hours through picturesque American countryside into the hustling busy streets of New York City..</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">During the drive i remember looking out the window and hearing the faint rustling on the radio of a Metallica tune playing in the distance. My two cuffed hands swiftly knocked on the plastic divider and asked the two incredibly unfriendly agents to turn the music up, which they did, to a deafening level, then refused to turn it down for the rest of the journey despite the fact that we had no reception and where listening to white noise.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nice..</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-oKqEWxia9Y/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-oKqEWxia9Y?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">At first it was really nice to just sit outside the airport, albeit cuffed in a squad car being looked at like a bloody murderer, just because i was actually, kind of, in the street in New York and could just see normal people walking around doing whatever normal people do everyday. Might seem a bit weird but considering i'd only been able to see the random passers by from my window in MCC for 3<span class="Apple-style-span">0 months, no one while in Brooklyn's MDC and rabbits and cows through the chain link double razor wire fence in MVCC, this was quite an experience for me.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Despite the unfavourable looks..</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Two hours in though i was started to get worried, especially as the ass hole agents in the front kept looking at their watches, tutting then asking each other what they should do. What started as me enjoying watching the world go by rapidly escalated to me praying that the other agents who had come to escort me to the plane would just hurry up and get me the fuck out of here as, if they didn't, i knew it would be another couple of days until the next flight and worse than that, five more hours sitting on a rock hard plastic car seat back to the county jail and back.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Luckily for me they showed up and in typical New York fashion (the agents in MY car where country folk) where sporting fitted caps, showing bubble gum and upon seeing me shackled and looking very tired, screamed at the two morons who drove me here for not taking off my hand cuffs or getting me anything to eat or drink. After my cuffs where begrudgingly taken off by the two idiots, i walked into the black people carrier and took a quick spin to the departures part of the airport where, after apologising for their colleagues behaviour and repeatedly calling them cock suckers and assholes, they escorted me past all security checks, shook my hand, wished me luck in the future and let me walk onto to the plane on my own to begin my journey home..</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Soon after finding my seat i was greeted by Marco the Italian lawyer and an American business man.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once we where up in the air i asked them to have a drink to celebrate a very special day, which they did, after an hour or so the business man asked what we where celebrating, which i didn't respond to but after a few questions of,</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"new job?"</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"getting married?"</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">He smiled, poured some more whisky out of his little plastic bottle and gave me another drink..</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"So YOU'RE the guy the ICE agents where waiting for.." </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I just smiled back.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Don't worry buddy it's not where you've been it's where you're going.."</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6W4gD90JMPjn9sfUwJ0xG4_dcyJi76UCxxsYEhz0DtqggJkOh6e7u9CSFKUa_-yZ_xeM-o-2rAzaf3_AIWC-qD9g53PVxKzU0g7ulcN_ib6E0QItjLhi8tC47RjWVKjWg1tKbYACTux2q/s1600/10408089_620648641404031_3595299419659795446_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6W4gD90JMPjn9sfUwJ0xG4_dcyJi76UCxxsYEhz0DtqggJkOh6e7u9CSFKUa_-yZ_xeM-o-2rAzaf3_AIWC-qD9g53PVxKzU0g7ulcN_ib6E0QItjLhi8tC47RjWVKjWg1tKbYACTux2q/s320/10408089_620648641404031_3595299419659795446_n.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Since then a lot has changed.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/y7mwZULsVcQ/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/y7mwZULsVcQ?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, lucida grande, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">After a few months resting, recuperating and thinking about where exactly i was in my life, what i wanted to do and the all important task of weening out the plans i had made over my years in prison that where not realistic and those that where in my grasp, or where realistically achievable, i was blessed with a couple hundred pounds and made my way back to London to start life again..</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie5EQIF9yPVauUErkoknT4zCRjZe6dYiHwPrL6she3axRLj2Rxc0hFi6XcuHPPaoEWA5eVw3_TSxbn968-_OMnmYPOLxIlBObB2-MAj1VC2O3gPzvpnrmzzbFRvdfcf7mY2gGivhj9uwL9/s1600/11312854_620648441404051_7806225187880770791_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie5EQIF9yPVauUErkoknT4zCRjZe6dYiHwPrL6she3axRLj2Rxc0hFi6XcuHPPaoEWA5eVw3_TSxbn968-_OMnmYPOLxIlBObB2-MAj1VC2O3gPzvpnrmzzbFRvdfcf7mY2gGivhj9uwL9/s320/11312854_620648441404051_7806225187880770791_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">A lot has changed since then..</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm currently at the end of my first year studying, have moved to a new city, live in my own apartment and </span>with a lot of hard work and planning the vast majority of goals have been reached and new experiences seem to come every day, but the experiences I had in America haven't been as easy to move on from as I had hoped. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Due to it being a year to the day of my release, I had taken some time to think about the past twelve months, what I had hoped to achieve and whether I am happy having now achieved it and just how well i am in general being back, outside, doing the things i had wished to do over the forty four months i was incarcerated.</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQstAMl4pU5wourTP5k-NHoECE7dX04b-V4WrsdZZ7DSssK7ha9uwqEjkwY_ibOSeYdyyU_7o0Wu2y_PYZ8iUumcXTEXenv-HW505jCFfyHiZLv5h8Ai1DVgDdn-T-RDw7oTrLLhca8pF/s1600/11245373_617924928343069_767527309_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQstAMl4pU5wourTP5k-NHoECE7dX04b-V4WrsdZZ7DSssK7ha9uwqEjkwY_ibOSeYdyyU_7o0Wu2y_PYZ8iUumcXTEXenv-HW505jCFfyHiZLv5h8Ai1DVgDdn-T-RDw7oTrLLhca8pF/s320/11245373_617924928343069_767527309_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">My experiences in America, the behavior i witnessed, what i had to do mentally and physically to get through that part of my life is not something that i have really had time to deal with. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I often think about not only my treatment by the government but also others experiences, how easily their lives where destroyed by people that knew exactly what these people had done or, more importantly, not done. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It troubles me. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">A lot..</span></span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd98ybpLQpBdCYBH6NDO94ZsPu9Ftab830dY4czNcfs39X1U6lyUGUSFsakirlGQwZhqVRK3SClKgSS70UPEyFqt8yakTHn3Mdx_ZulZ8uyHan10a_ZpQWGYsoHI2ArjMJzCrcChYdZ7cF/s1600/11334036_620648488070713_6067586945214430452_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd98ybpLQpBdCYBH6NDO94ZsPu9Ftab830dY4czNcfs39X1U6lyUGUSFsakirlGQwZhqVRK3SClKgSS70UPEyFqt8yakTHn3Mdx_ZulZ8uyHan10a_ZpQWGYsoHI2ArjMJzCrcChYdZ7cF/s320/11334036_620648488070713_6067586945214430452_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's not as easy as you might think. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can't just keep busy, leave it all behind you and pretend it all doesn't matter anymore just because you're home.</span></span></span></span>New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-62332136564937801252014-09-18T14:46:00.000-07:002014-09-21T04:19:34.693-07:00Text<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's good that as you grow up you progressively come to understand and accept your individuality. I've seen and learnt over the years the important, soul enriching parts of life cannot be rushed or sought out. They come. You do and they come. You do what you know is right for you. Everything else falls into place as and when it should. Having comfort in abilities is also key. You know deep down what you are good at and which qualities you have at your core, each pursuit that enriches your life. Follow them. Ignore external pressure to conform. There is no better feeling than following your own personal path through life and reflecting on the inevitable progress that comes with focussing on you and your own inner peace.<br />
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<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-34708074520080988602014-07-22T01:01:00.000-07:002014-07-22T01:01:06.754-07:00A better choice.<br /><br /><br />Early on into my incarceration i was still an individual who's behaviour<br />and reactions where highly influenced by my emotional state and i would<br />allow this to dictate how i interpreted the world and what was happening.<br /><br />Being in a situation where you are buried up to your neck and attempting<br />to dig yourself out with BOTH hands tied behind your back is one that requires<br />a change in tactics to your usual operating system and this came in the form of<br />conducting myself in a manner that was very calm, emotionless, factual and almost<br />robotic and was shaped not only by the guidance of my big brother Sha but in the<br />trial and error efforts of running through five lawyers.<br /><br />Initial conversing with these people was based heavily on my frustration with the situation i had ended up in but also on my rage at how little anyone seemed to be listening to me which, combined, did not form the most productive way to actually get me OUT of this mess and i noticed that the representation i had relished the reaction and were able to manipulate me and held an upper hand over me,<br /><br />so over time i understood that this reactionary method was doing me no good,<br /><br />my most comprehensive explanation that i would remind myself was that of being in a classroom taking a test and the likelihood of passing said test if in the emotional state of being angry or upset compared with a calm demeanour and efficient preparation..<br /><br />Going from an angry young man, bearded and smelling of cigarettes, who would scream, throw paperwork, hurl insults and generally be on the constant brink of leaping over the table and strangling them with a tie to a composed, clean shaven, well groomed inmate wearing an ironed jumpsuit, glasses, sitting upright in my chair speaking in a monotone voice, responding to incorrect information with direct references to legal motions and statutory facts was something that had quite a direct effect on my representation..<br /><br />One of them actually quit.<br /><br />But that's not the point..<br />
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<br /><br />The point is that this change of getting things done and dealing with a challenging situation had a huge impact on the movement of my case, my own self of well being and feeling of power over my life, it was a radical step for me and one that no one really witnessed while i was inside apart from other inmates who just happen to be on a legal visit, their usual reaction being, when seeing me calmly breaking down an attorneys attempts at convincing me to do something that was of no benefit to me in any way shape or form and the usual conclusion of THEM now getting infuriated and storming out the room,<br /><br />They respected me for how i conducted my business.<br /><br />Although i am now, thankfully, not fighting any kind of legal proceedings<br />or having to deal with men in suits representing government bodies i think<br />this is an important reminder for me, of this period of my life and how i dealt<br />with a stressful situation that i did not like, in how i go about my dealings in<br />the outside world and the people i come into contact within the future..New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-377259221128335022014-07-17T06:23:00.003-07:002014-07-17T06:23:50.841-07:00-17th July 2014-<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-74115152534019709462014-07-14T04:48:00.000-07:002014-07-17T06:21:23.242-07:00-14th January 2012-<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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-----------------<br />
Focus.<br />
<br />
So easy to get distracted and fall off track..</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
So easy to be led away from healthy thoughts..<br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Habits,<br />
<br />
Conclusions and behaviors,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
Remember,<br />
<br />
It is all a game created to break you,<br />
<br />
Control you,<br />
<br />
This is something that you are aware of<br />
just stick to your guns Timmyboy..<br />
<br />
Each day it is upto you and you alone<br />
whether you win or lose,<br />
<br />
Not them,<br />
<br />
Disintigrating into a state of doubt,<br />
<br />
worry and misery is a win for the wankers..<br />
<br />
A day spent smiling, exercising,<br />
listening to others, making people smile,<br />
creating, learning, being true to yourself,<br />
<br />
Is a loss for those cunts,<br />
<br />
They KNOW this..<br />
<br />
You have made it this far,<br />
<br />
Things have only got better and better,<br />
<br />
Have faith..<br />
<br />
Don't judge others,<br />
<br />
particularly your attorney and *********,<br />
<br />
and also ***** ****,<br />
<br />
These people know NO better,<br />
<br />
It is NOT personal..<br />
<br />
It is not a reflection of you timothy,<br />
<br />
please remember this..<br />
<br />
You can only ever do what you know,<br />
expecting people to do anything else is wrong!<br />
<br />
You do what you know,<br />
<br />
or you try and learn how to be better,<br />
<br />
You!!<br />
<br />
An as you know..<br />
<br />
You are (despite the conspiracy law) only responsible<br />
for yourself, so be the best you can be, then fall back,<br />
as there's no reason to sweat after that..<br />
<br />
It is in the hand of god,<br />
<br />
an he is considerably more capable at making <br />
decisions than Timothy Ozer Guvercin..<br />
<br />
You feel me?..</div>
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<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-3927725962288424992014-07-13T03:28:00.000-07:002014-07-13T03:28:40.952-07:00RefreshmentIt is a swelteringly hot Thursday afternoon,<br />crickets outside in the bushes are hissing away<br />like there's no tomorrow as sweat constantly runs<br />
down my forehead,<br />
<br />
I am pirched on a light coloured wooden stool<br />
wearing a black pair of shorts that are covered in cat hair<br />
and a pair of ankle length dark grey socks that are<br />
coated with a thick layer of dust from the recent sand<br />
storm we had a couple weeks back,<br />
<br />
There are a few swimming pools here but i don't like to swim.<br /><br />I feel stupid doing it.<br />
<br />Don't ask why..<br />
<br />As i'm writing this half of my weekly fast is almost done,<br />
before i hop on my little japanese moped to go find some batteries<br />
for an amplifyer that a good freind of mine from South London lent me,<br />
I want to share something with you..<br />
<br />so here goes..<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/NGGRi2CEFu8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /><br />Recently i managed to pick up some paperwork that i had<br />sent back before i left my prison in Manhattan and stumbled<br />upon a few choice words that struck a chord.<br />
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPNub4jmlkDIS_iX80oH0R5JFUkVio9BM9j15AUVSUeRk3mFlSstnR0eE4iL0qHWguZomhui5mP03U4dFejdAj7MpFy2uXzUG4SK9IyAeoXAajZw0ozubRQey9_h1whqWn1czRPbbj6rzK/s1600/pagetwo.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPNub4jmlkDIS_iX80oH0R5JFUkVio9BM9j15AUVSUeRk3mFlSstnR0eE4iL0qHWguZomhui5mP03U4dFejdAj7MpFy2uXzUG4SK9IyAeoXAajZw0ozubRQey9_h1whqWn1czRPbbj6rzK/s1600/pagetwo.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><br />
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<br />
<br />---------<br /><br />YOUR PRIORITIES<br /><br />1 - Keeping calm, patient and professional<br />when dealing with your case<br /><br />2 - Workout out, watching your diet,<br />getting rid of your belly<br /><br />3 - Creating, writing in your books,<br />drawing, expanding your talents<br /><br />4 - Mentally evolving,<br />becoming a better person, <br />learning, listening to others,<br />meditating, sharpening your<br />concentration<br /><br />5 - Staying true to yourself,<br />having strength in your convictions<br /><br />That is all.<br /><br />------<br /><br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-71555806863711424812014-07-02T07:59:00.000-07:002014-07-02T08:23:47.030-07:00Mal Negocio<br />
High up in the Pennsylvania mountains,<br />
nestled in between a scarcely populated mostly racist Caucasian community,<br />
at the end of a winding, privately owned road framed with friendly looking trees<br />
lays the Moshannon Valley Correctional facility..<br />
<br />
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<br />
Inside two high fences packed to the top<br />
with thick coils of razor wire and bird feathers<br />
is just under two thousand prisoners from every<br />
corner of the globe,<br />
<br />
from your average piss poor drug runner without a pot<br />
to piss in or a window to throw it at to Columbian dealers worth <br />
literally hundreds of millions of dollars to elderly men that got caught<br />
sneaking across the desert border to be with their wives and children,<br />
<br />
You can see individuals that are happy to work for 7 cents an hour<br />
in their mandatory kitchen employment, silver haired Cuban's that<br />
lose thousands of dollars in REAL money every week in one of the<br />
many prison casino's,<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmO6NczlPcXAOJIHNhavR4G8U0XPyvhaWzSjoHr6tmv6VIbUHas28wXwWRrrKqUWKVD49Row20IE8S2cTMjF1RX-xGjB1Ngi7JHfT3bUkfwaYV7xvr17Ng2GQxTjj80INHF8j6v3Sy8fJN/s1600/8_mod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmO6NczlPcXAOJIHNhavR4G8U0XPyvhaWzSjoHr6tmv6VIbUHas28wXwWRrrKqUWKVD49Row20IE8S2cTMjF1RX-xGjB1Ngi7JHfT3bUkfwaYV7xvr17Ng2GQxTjj80INHF8j6v3Sy8fJN/s1600/8_mod.jpg" height="220" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
this is a place like no other,<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTjMKBycs3IXljlmd4pTHCE0RPgzej7cUyCoy-u_HprqB_jyvRUyu5A6wt11VEeOrcvWHqrisIb1AxbI2M_f99QmvAHihltuTI8lwfnkY-j6JHga1drq_3mkCH5vimL7AtqXs_vCZ-WnIS/s1600/6_mod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTjMKBycs3IXljlmd4pTHCE0RPgzej7cUyCoy-u_HprqB_jyvRUyu5A6wt11VEeOrcvWHqrisIb1AxbI2M_f99QmvAHihltuTI8lwfnkY-j6JHga1drq_3mkCH5vimL7AtqXs_vCZ-WnIS/s1600/6_mod.jpg" height="201" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
A hill top brimming with human beings that have been incarcerated<br />
en masse, costing the American tax payer fifty thousand dollars a year<br />
for each prisoner, who will never actually have a chance to step on American<br />
soil after they have served their time nor will be in any way shape or form<br />
rehabilitated due to being held in a private prison..<br />
<br />
Private prison?<br />
<br />
A prison run by a company..<br />
<br />
Not the government..<br />
<br />
A prison that is run for profit..<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6z1VSFfCo0IoDZIjk_OUbmO880fwRltGaSTJlx2nLeNwaYudGkhhQSaRdfAqCsfhXW3xhT41UEQpbUv8o7l17coTrXEVcYbHQF11Pztf3gE87wvKlCuug9OfzCwXlgkL_mnO6dMXtDeJ0/s1600/517367Blackmeninprison.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6z1VSFfCo0IoDZIjk_OUbmO880fwRltGaSTJlx2nLeNwaYudGkhhQSaRdfAqCsfhXW3xhT41UEQpbUv8o7l17coTrXEVcYbHQF11Pztf3gE87wvKlCuug9OfzCwXlgkL_mnO6dMXtDeJ0/s1600/517367Blackmeninprison.jpg" height="222" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Rumor has it this company was started by three investors..<br />
<br />
-An Attorney<br />
<br />
-A Judge<br />
<br />
-A Prosecutor<br />
<br />
Now.<br />
<br />
Tell me if i'm bugging out..<br />
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<a href="http://buelahman.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/the_great_satan.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://buelahman.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/the_great_satan.png" height="320" width="216" /></a></div>
But could it not be a conflict of interests?<br />
<br />
-Your job is to defend people facing deportation,<br />
you get paid by the people you are supposed to be<br />
fighting and have taken an oath to be loyal to them..<br />
<br />
-Your job is to decide whether an individual should be sent<br />
to prison, how long and also whether they have been<br />
wrongfully convicted..<br />
<br />
-Your job is to build/fabricate a case with the intention<br />
of giving someone as much time in prison as possible on<br />
the behalf of the United States of America..<br />
<br />
And you choose to invest in an company that confines<br />
convicted felon's, for profit, that coincidently has an<br />
exclusive contract with the American government who<br />
is ALSO your official employer?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNje76dVUDDgEFaOZ5FFvBJtcmMj2Jg1EQub5mLheXDb8GxGKOI87Pnb4H5858KerT6VcnT0jiryrqA0wJXiuJkWVgHQ0B2BkX-_EtygFpHvEUqk9_1uHtTXhKFl6nB12B-sHsW4978OJs/s1600/Geo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNje76dVUDDgEFaOZ5FFvBJtcmMj2Jg1EQub5mLheXDb8GxGKOI87Pnb4H5858KerT6VcnT0jiryrqA0wJXiuJkWVgHQ0B2BkX-_EtygFpHvEUqk9_1uHtTXhKFl6nB12B-sHsW4978OJs/s1600/Geo.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Perhaps i am bugging out.. <br />
<br />
<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-9450324580901863182014-06-27T07:32:00.000-07:002014-06-27T07:32:09.712-07:00Affirmation<span class="_5yl5" data-reactid=".mo.$mid=11403877600657=26786b46eb4607c7918.2:0.0.0.0.0"><span class="null">“A
fight is going on inside me," said an old man to his son. "It is a
terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is
good. he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same
fight is going on inside you."
The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf will
win?"
The old man replied simply, "The one you feed.” - Wendy Mass</span></span><br />
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New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-28882568579226329542014-06-22T00:29:00.000-07:002014-06-22T00:29:46.869-07:00-Paisano-<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh17ak012IAaoP34ENSaLPunHYzffDRsCtwK69AFARNWRguWtZXob2t0sYWGNCK2oqKe8UtwIhfOnYKYqJQKw2qZUPGfxxCZvLbYknt4MeXl1Uxt9vQoMTdGL2XHsy_9ifVLrXlYGqkFxeq/s1600/5_mod2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh17ak012IAaoP34ENSaLPunHYzffDRsCtwK69AFARNWRguWtZXob2t0sYWGNCK2oqKe8UtwIhfOnYKYqJQKw2qZUPGfxxCZvLbYknt4MeXl1Uxt9vQoMTdGL2XHsy_9ifVLrXlYGqkFxeq/s1600/5_mod2.jpg" height="210" width="320" /></a></div>
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New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-18107631572066143382014-06-21T10:50:00.000-07:002014-06-21T10:50:14.497-07:00Workout Music<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-36906611433311337782014-06-20T01:24:00.003-07:002014-06-20T01:24:42.630-07:00peace<br />
<br />
<br />
What's up..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br /><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />It's taken me a while to get myself together<br />since i've been out.<br />
<br />
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<br />I assumed the adjustment period would comprise<br />of getting used to metal utensils, the absence of an<br />underlying threat of being sent to solitary confinement<br />for standing too close to a woman, not having to use<br />two batteries and a snapped razor to light a cigarette,<br />being able to lock a door, use fire to cook food instead<br />of radioactive microwaves, being around animals and<br />small children, <br /><br />But it's been a little bit more than that..<br />
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<br />Adjusting to my own changes and how they<br />correlate with the outside world has been a huge task.<br />
<br />Although I don't see myself as being damaged from what<br />i've been through it has undoubtedly changed my perception<br />
of people and this has caused many issues since i've been out.<br />
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Once again i am in a completely new environment,<br />
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weighing up what i can and can't control,<br />
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what is best for me,<br />
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how i can go about putting these things<br />
into practice in the present moment,<br />
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Life can be as hard or as easy as i want it to be.<br /><br />
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<br />
The same applies to you.<br />
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<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-91538231786802778122014-06-16T00:29:00.001-07:002014-06-16T01:32:10.337-07:00The parable of the prodigal son<span class="text Luke-15-11"><span class="woj">There was a man who had two sons..</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-12" id="en-NIV-25601"><span class="woj">The younger one said to his father, </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-12" id="en-NIV-25601"><span class="woj">"Father, give me my share of the estate" </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-12" id="en-NIV-25601"><span class="woj">So he divided his property between them..</span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-12" id="en-NIV-25601"><span class="woj"> </span></span> <br />
<span class="text Luke-15-13" id="en-NIV-25602"><span class="woj">Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, </span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-13" id="en-NIV-25602"><span class="woj">set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-14" id="en-NIV-25603"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-14" id="en-NIV-25603"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-14" id="en-NIV-25603"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, </span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-14" id="en-NIV-25603"><span class="woj">and he began to be in need.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-15" id="en-NIV-25604"><span class="woj"><sup></sup>So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, </span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-15" id="en-NIV-25604"><span class="woj">who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-16" id="en-NIV-25605"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs </span></span><span class="text Luke-15-16" id="en-NIV-25605"><span class="woj">were eating, but no one gave him anything.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-16" id="en-NIV-25605"><span class="woj"> </span></span><span class="text Luke-15-16" id="en-NIV-25605"><span class="woj"> </span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-17" id="en-NIV-25606"><span class="woj">When
he came to his senses, he said, </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-17" id="en-NIV-25606"><span class="woj">"How many of my father’s hired servants
have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-18" id="en-NIV-25607"><span class="woj">I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-19" id="en-NIV-25608"><span class="woj"><sup></sup>I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’</span></span><span class="text Luke-15-20" id="en-NIV-25609"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>So he got up and went to his father.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-20"><span class="woj">But
while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled
with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him
and kissed him.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-21" id="en-NIV-25610"><span class="woj">The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy </span></span><span class="text Luke-15-21" id="en-NIV-25610"><span class="woj">to be called your son.’</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-22" id="en-NIV-25611"><span class="woj">But the father said to his servants, </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-22" id="en-NIV-25611"><span class="woj">"Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger</span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-22" id="en-NIV-25611"><span class="woj">and sandals </span></span><span class="text Luke-15-22" id="en-NIV-25611"><span class="woj">on his feet"</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-22" id="en-NIV-25611"><span class="woj"><sup>"</sup></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-23" id="en-NIV-25612"><span class="woj">Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate<sup>."</sup></span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-23" id="en-NIV-25612"><span class="woj"><sup> </sup></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-23" id="en-NIV-25612"><span class="woj"><sup> </sup></span></span><br />
<br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-23" id="en-NIV-25612"><span class="woj"><sup>" </sup></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-24" id="en-NIV-25613"><span class="woj">For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-24" id="en-NIV-25613"><span class="woj">So they began to celebrate..</span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-24" id="en-NIV-25613"><span class="woj"> </span></span><span class="text Luke-15-24" id="en-NIV-25613"><span class="woj"> </span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-25" id="en-NIV-25614"><span class="woj">Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-25" id="en-NIV-25614"><span class="woj">When he came near the house </span></span><span class="text Luke-15-25" id="en-NIV-25614"><span class="woj">he heard music and dancing,</span></span><span class="text Luke-15-26" id="en-NIV-25615"><span class="woj"><sup> </sup></span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-26" id="en-NIV-25615"><span class="woj">so he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on,</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-26" id="en-NIV-25615"><span class="woj"></span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-27" id="en-NIV-25616"><span class="woj">"Your brother has come" he replied, </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-27" id="en-NIV-25616"><span class="woj">"and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound."</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-28" id="en-NIV-25617"><span class="woj">The older brother became angry and refused to go in, </span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-28" id="en-NIV-25617"><span class="woj">so his father went out and pleaded with him<sup> </sup></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-29" id="en-NIV-25618"><span class="woj">but
he answered his father, </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-15-29" id="en-NIV-25618"><span class="woj">"Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for
you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young
goat so I could celebrate with my friends.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-30" id="en-NIV-25619"><span class="woj">But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!"</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-15-31" id="en-NIV-25620"><span class="woj"></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-31" id="en-NIV-25620"><span class="woj"></span></span><span class="text Luke-15-31" id="en-NIV-25620"><span class="woj">“‘My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-15-32" id="en-NIV-25621"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost</span></span><br />
<span class="text Luke-15-32" id="en-NIV-25621"><span class="woj">and is found.’”</span></span><br />
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New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-47063351325644852382014-06-01T06:13:00.000-07:002014-06-01T06:13:02.966-07:00via HURTYOUBAD<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-8075036713332044002014-05-22T15:30:00.001-07:002014-05-24T12:15:37.636-07:00--The beginning--<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcPe6rnPGVwa5JXteNXwOKzHKK2z95QkHH-iHLpoCI6gNc2JgJF46s0SZNdJpN2pIxg9OB0mN05hFTCgHQ7omEJUMpYIOH42K4gXBkQWFKq43uLCrtPPHcNQp8Uqc64J699iDpNflwo9h/s1600/IMG_0656.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcPe6rnPGVwa5JXteNXwOKzHKK2z95QkHH-iHLpoCI6gNc2JgJF46s0SZNdJpN2pIxg9OB0mN05hFTCgHQ7omEJUMpYIOH42K4gXBkQWFKq43uLCrtPPHcNQp8Uqc64J699iDpNflwo9h/s1600/IMG_0656.jpg" height="263" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
The sharp metallic hands on my white-faced wrist watch have just passed midnight.<br />
<br />
I'm resting my back on a large striped cushion squinting into an endless black mass of rippling water with a real cigarette drooping out the left side of my mouth swirling a small glass of scotch in my hand..<br />
<br />
There are no artificial flood lights illuminating my living quarters,<br />
<br />
only a dim white beam of light coming directly down from a full moon, giving me just enough clarity to make out the tiny little carvings of people's names, fishes, diamonds and references to my incarceration that are scattered across a long wooden table..<br />
<br />
It is a little bit cold.<br />
<br />
I have a nice jacket that one of my freinds in Greece sent me<br />
draped across the chair next to me but i'll be okay for now..<br />
<br />
As soon as i spark this lighter up i'll probably forget about the cold..<br />
<br />
....<br />
<br />
It's taken me a while to put these words together.<br />
<br />
I've been unsure of where to start..<br />
<br />
In fact i'm STILL unsure of where to start..<br />
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It will come to me..</div>
New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-79743983472785786502014-05-14T10:39:00.000-07:002014-05-24T12:19:48.205-07:00Give me a minute<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-63922357434759747852014-05-08T04:58:00.001-07:002014-05-08T04:58:15.802-07:00Wisdom of Life"The wise man will, above all, strive after freedom from pain and annoyance,<br />
quiet and leisure, consequently a tranquil, modest life, with as few encounters<br />as may be; and so, after a little experience of his so-called fellowmen,<br />
he will elect to live in retirement, or even, if he is a man of great intellect,<br />
in solitude.<br />
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For the more a man has in himself, the less he will want from other people-<br />
the less, indeed, other people can be to him. This is why a high degree of intellect<br />tends to make a man unsocial. True, if quality of intellect could be made up for by quantity,<br />
it might be worth while to live even in the great world; but unfortunately,<br />
a hundred fools together will not make one wise man."<br />
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-Arthur SchopenhauerNew York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938434199884932957.post-79161784453647035932014-04-30T13:20:00.002-07:002014-05-23T06:18:31.539-07:001339 Days<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"In times, long past "myself" was said to be a certain person.<br />
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But now, on the contrary, I believe that person was someone else.<br />
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Thus, i don't know - the person i am today i may consider to be someone else in the future."<br />
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- Yao Fu<br />
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New York Prisoner 63906054http://www.blogger.com/profile/12984601253596630452noreply@blogger.com0