It's pretty late.
My back is a little sore.
The thought of it enthusiastically bouncing off every
surface ain't too appealing, at least not tonight,
so as soon as the order was given to cut the light out,
the choice was pretty simple..
Even for me.
Followed by many hours of Darkness..
I'm lyin' on my back coolin my swollen toes on the ceiling..
I did an extra hundred pushups on my knuckles earlier,
they're voicing their displeasure in the form of horrendous
bruising and uncontrollable shaking, so they're getting
mildly subdued by the dirt-cold steel on the window..
I'm gazing out the window..
Just a purple sky.
I've only got a little bit of sky to look at,
dotted between various buildings around my
current temporary residence, BUT, some people
don't even have this much so i definitely
Sheathed in a sock that's sporting a vast array
of rather questionable stains, my toes are tapping
away on the ceiling to some purely BATE basura that's
playing on the radio.
Who is playing?
I'm confident that if i told you,
external forces would manifest into some kind of ultra
violent entity hellbent on retribution for my serious lapse
in audio preferences.
I think i have enough problems.
Utterly shit music aside,
even though it's deathly silent an pitch black and
my hands feel like they've been chewed on,
i'm in suprisingly good spirits..
Shifting my focal point from one meaningless object to the next,
i think about people i know and i imagine they're here with me..
Cotching at the end of my bed..
Lying next to me on my prayer rug..
Sitting in the chair..
Even pirched on the shitter..
What would we talk about?
Would things still be the same?
..or has too much changed?
I read some interesting shit a while back,
it said that your relationship with someone is experienced
mostly internaally, mentally, rather than physically in the flesh..
That someone can't be with you twenty four hours a day,
they don't see what you see and you don't know their exact thought process,
so your relationship is based on your own mental projection of that person,
a characature of that individual..
In essence you carry this image around with you wherever you go,
and how you mentally project that person is what forms your relationship,
your opinion regarding the validity and importance of that person
and your connection to them..
"To avoid anxiety, overload, we construct perceptual defence mechanisms
to either limit or distort our percetions of reality" - Bryan Key Wilson
I just got the sudden urge to rip all the pages out this book,
an dash the empty carcass onto the floor..
The sky is starting to lose it's appeal..
I think it might be time to put my tired eyes,
sore joints, shaky wrists and blue
Turkish balls to rest..
Time to stretch..
Time to relax and think..
Think about the present moment..
Think about the warm bed i am in..
Time to think about the people i have love for,
to pray that they are all safe, healthy and happy..
To acknowledge how blessed i am to have been given the
life i have, the experiences i have had and everything i
have learnt up until this point of my life..
"Don't follow past thoughts, don't anticipate the future and don't follow illusory thoughts
that arise in the present ; but turning within, observe your own true nature and maintain
awareness of your natural mind, just as it is, beyond the conceptual limitations of
past, present and future" - Garab Dorje