About a year and a half ago my brother gave me a photo album..
i think the crappy plastic coating around the
motherfucker is supposed to resemble leather
or some shit.
I got a load of stickers covering the front and back,
on one side there is a couple Not Guilty stickers,
a black and pink Frontline Magazine sticker and a
label that was stuck on a book i got sent that's got
my name and number on it..
The other side has a couple of these big, over-sized
stamps that come with every stamp book we get in here,
apparently if you wack 'em on a letter and the person at
the post office has a sense of humour, your shit might
It hasn't come to that.
I've been broke,
infact i'm in a perpetual state of brokeness,
but i'm just about clinging onto enough dignity not to
resort to tricking the mailman just to get some shit in
Not saying it's never gonna happen..
Perhaps in the near future i might try it,
A big white 'King of Paint' joint that came with some
books from Graff City if i remember correctly, also a
breathtakingly original 'Hello my name is' sticker and
lastly a round black an white sticker from
Over the past 21 months people have been extremely
kind in sending me many photos, whether that's flicks
of mine that i took in New York over my 18 month
run of stupidity, photos of pieces people done since
my imprisonment, shots of the individuals out there
who still remember me and are checking for me,
photos of the outside world, little reminders of the
things waiting for me when they finally let me go..
Visuals of the shit i've experienced in life and the
people who i shared them with..
All kinds of shit..
Every so often i'll go through the motherfucker,
adding photos, removing others, replacing some
with better ones..
It's nice to show people things sometimes too,
a little glimpse of the life you used to lead,
what kind of bullshit you was into in the town.
I can sit here and stare at my old photos for hours sometimes,
sipping on a cup of coffee, listening to some tunes,
letting my imagination go for a spin..
Early on into this bid i'd look at photos longingly,
wishing to be back at certain times and places,
in the company of specific people.
Not so much..
Some photos, yes, yes i would like to be there,
i would like to be with my parents, spending some time
with my dad breezing around his Turkish ends, enjoying some
of my mothers boss cooking while sipping on some Raki,
oter other times in my life, do not hold the same appeal,
at least not anymore anyways.
When i look at certain pictures,
don't get me wrong, they still and always will hold a special place
for me deep down, i wouldn't take them back, but at the same time
i wouldn't do them all over again..
When i look at them, i see a young man who was very confused
as to what he wanted in life and exactly how to get it,
someone that was very naive as to how the world works
and what it is i'm supposed to be doing in it, what my purpose
is and how i can best go about achieving it on a daily basis..
I wouldn't say i have figured all of this out, i don't have all
the answers as to why i'm here and how i should proceed,
but i would say at the least i'm a little wiser as to how i
should conduct my affairs an behaviour in the future..
I'm heading in the right direction?