Saturday, 4 June 2011

Happy Mothers Day

Everybody has their own hustle in jail.

Whether it's making garments,
fixing radios, constructing shelves, loan sharking, playing cards, loaning out porn,
cutting hair, washing clothes, cleaning cells, cooking/preparing food, making cards,
writing letters, typing emails, the list is endless..

Some people are incredibly talented at their chosen craft,
creating masterpieces of work, the like of which the world
hath never seen..

..On the other hand,
some people clearly used to smoke a lot of crack in the street,
and it has left them burnt the FUCK out.
 Crack and 'angeldust', which i was kindly informed is apparently 'embalming fluid',
used to stop dead bodies from decomposing.

These people smoke it.

a couple weeks back i was scavenging around the baron post apocalyptic wasteland
known as F tier for some sweetener, and i bump into a mysterious fortune teller dressed in rags..well,
not really. He was dressed in some extremely shabby garms, but he weren't no fortune teller.

It was my buddy Cash Money

This extremely burnt out individual is about five foot tall, and looks and sounds like a
Jamaican version of Yoda.

He usually shouts my name whenever i am in his vicinity.

Not my real name.

Timboktwo, B, Timclaat, Teem, Tim Daggy dag etc..

He has made astronomically accurate statements concerning
ones appearance and demeanor.

One can only marvel in the presence of such inbridled intelligence and
eye for detail this humorous individual has been blessed with..

"timdag ain't no pussyclaat whiteboy"

Everytime he sees me after i've had a shower and combed my hair,

"Yo B, you look like Hitler! "

Not so sure about the second statement..


I ask him for some sugar, and my pattwa spitting bredren happily

..but before he hands it over, lets me in on a secret of biblically epic proportions..

"Yo B, you seen ma cards mon?"

"Nah man"

"Come to da lab !"

This was his mothers day card.

I bought it on the spot.

Two batteries and a stamp.

To my mother,
Happy belated mothers day!
even though you are a pain in the ass and drive me up the fucking wall,
i'm sure i'm an even bigger one, and the insane situations i get myself into (they don't really get much more fucked that this)
are always down to my own actions and behaviour, not yours.
 I love you dearly,
i know i can act like a complete idiot at times and have problems accepting fault, but i'm only human. Not only that, i'm a turkish human, and we all know how stubborn they can be (DAD)
 Despite my many flaws, you did a beautiful job raising me.
I love you and dad very dearly, you are the best
parents i could ever have dreamed of being blessed with,
and i wouldn't change you for the world.
Your idiot son

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