Saturday, 25 May 2013

The clock was already here

Believe it or not i am still not in possession of anything remotely resembling a pillow.

So far through trial and error the best i have come up with consists of a pair of sweatpants folded long ways with two white thermal long sleeve t-shirts side by side like slightly overlapping squares and i rest my tired neck somewhere in the middle.

It doesn't really work though and my neck is in pretty bad shape at the moment. Each time i turn it from side to side it feels like  it's creaking and splintering which doesn't feel very good.


Never mind..

As long as i can get a few hours sleep, tomorrow we are continuing the new workout regime which starts with the hundred burpees/squat thrusts at seven in the morning followed by some stomach exercises and a nice hot shower.

At that time of the morning most people are asleep so me and my bunkie get a bit of peace and quiet outside on the rec yard and the water afterwards is always hot so it's a nice way to start the day, i feel amazing afterwards, especially if my clothes are clean too..

Just got to get to sleep..

I know what to do..

I have to ignore my surroundings, forget about the events of the day, all the new faces that appeared in the unit, stop re-playing the big-ass fight that had us locked down all day, pay no mind to the insanely loud air trying to force its way out of the vent that has been cleverly plugged with a paper plate someone decorated to look like a very primitive and crude clock..

Those industrial noises are NOT toilets flushing and the occasional high pitched bleeping noise isn't a new 'custee' who has mistaken the panic alarm for the button to flush the toilet..

That hourly rattle of nobbed-metal, jangle of swollen fingers deliberately shaking keys, brief flashes of INSANELY bright light on your face and stomach-churning smelling cheap whisky and beef jerky are NOT the man doing his rounds, turning the door handle, checking to see if the two people he locked in a concrete and steel cell with no way out have miraculously managed to escape..

I have to use my imagination!!

Think back on my life..

I need to concentrate..

On nights like these i can easily go to sleep if i can just picture myself somewhere else in a different scenario.

I like to think back to streets i used to walk down, good times i shared with people in certain places and what it would feel like to be back in those places again, on my own, whether i would feel the same..

Would anyone remember me?

Would anyone actually recognize me?

Sometimes i think about those places and what has happened since i left, where the people are now and whether they still think of me, i look back on my time here and think about how big the city is, individuals i met, where their lives may have taken them, all kinds of stupid shit that doesn't bare thinking about at almost two in the morning when you have to get up in less than four hours!!

To get to sleep?

I just need to be a little creative..

Turning the sound of a blocked up vent into the deep hum of a British Airways plane flying me the FUCK back to England?


Imagining my heavily soiled mattress is an outdoor sun bed somewhere in Turkey or perhaps further afield?



ANYTHING but concentrating on where i ACTUALLY am..

Anyways i don't have that much longer to go..

I just need to figure out where I'm going to go do it all again..

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