Friday, 31 May 2013


I think I'm coming down with something..

Since i woke up my nose has been mad cold.

I put our make-shift clock over the vent to stop all the air coming out but i still feel like I'm hanging out my fucking asshole..

My throat is real..

All my joints hurt when i try to stretch..

It's to the point where i didn't join my bunkie earlier to workout which is UNHEARD OF as it's ALWAYS some next macho competitive bullshit in here and i never miss an opportunity to workout..

Which says a lot about how I'm feeling right now!!

I DID try to make a couple'a moves so things might improve, just before the copper screamed recall i went an made a hench bowl of toast, which might not SOUND like a lot but when you bare in mind the last prison i was in didn't even HAVE a toaster..

I haven't actually eaten toast in years two and a half years!!

So for me peanut butter on toast with a cup of tea is quite a special occasion..

Playing football last night didn't help the situation..

On a good friends advice i decided to rock my new sneakers out to the rec yard, my old one's been giving me the asshole an a shitload of blisters on toes on my right foot.

But the NEW one just turned the entire base of both feet into two insanely hench blisters instead..


Thanks to some kind friends and family members who treated me  with a little somethin' somethin' I've had new sneakers for about a month  and a half now but would only rock them after a shower when I'm wearing  clean clothes.

I saving them..

Only to be worn for flossing..

NOT to be mashed up playing football/working out..

Paying a lot of attention to my appearance in here helps me stay positive.

I feel good when i think i look nice..

Even if it's just putting on some clean clothes that fit me, shaving my neck and cheeks (on my face you fucking tramp) and putting some gel in my hair..

It's nice to have some pride in my appearance!!

Even if I'm the only one that notices..

It's INCREDIBLY rare for me to successfully get a visit, the super mega BUMS I'm surrounded by in here certainly do not contribute to my self esteem whatsoever and the other individuals that are in here..

I couldn't give a toss about..

I remember this one guy in MCC..

Dude was a fucking BEAST, had spent the last five years getting in INSANELY good shape while on remand for some murder an mayhem shit that I'm STILL too prang to talk about on here..

He explained to me that the key to doing time is making sure you preserve yourself physically and mentally while you are in here..

Remember that you have a goal..

It'll reach you eventually whether you sit around and eat cake all day or put the time to good use working on yourself..

I also remember what my first bunkie told me..

Right around the time i was sitting in the cell all day, in the dark, wearing an XXXL wripped up jumpsuit with shower shoes DESPITE the fact that i had been SPECIFICALLY warned not to do this incase someone attacks me in the jail..

My hair had reached my eyebrows at the front and was starting to curl at the back, i was scootching my feet around on the floor..

Only leaving my cell to go get hot water, check the computer for confirmation that i STILL had no emails or any bloody money in my account, murmuring a soft-spoken overly-polite whimper to anyone daring enough to engage me in conversation..

"This silly n****r here.."


"You remember when Vito Corleone bitch'slap that silly n****r at the begginin' of Godfather?"


"He said to that n****r WA'S DA MADDA WID YOU!! PULL YO'SELF TOGEDDA!!"


"Someone need t'slap YOU like that"


I am now blessed to be cell mates with a good Muslim brother who not only is the Imam of the prison but is our unit's jailhouse barber.

He's never formally trained at cutting hair but according to him he has had a full grown beard since he was ten years old..

He's very good..

Apart from when i first came into MDC Brooklyn on the medical unit and was bunkies with a very nice guy called C**** who had been sentenced to twelve years for growing weed, when he had agreed to a sentence of seven, i have been the 'M-m-m-m-Maybach Muslim's bunkie for the last two months and counting.

He should be home VERY soon (insallah) but while he is still cooped up in this dump, every three days we have a routine of just before we lock in for the evening, one of us goes to get a couple of new disposable razors, the other makes sure we got to big cups of boiling hot water..

Then we go lock in..

After an hour we make some coffee, i put some music on my radio and he gives me a cutthroat shave and a shape up..

It's pretty cool..

I have to pick up all the sweaty clothes left on the two blue chairs by the door, wipe the chairs down, place one on top of the other as THEY are not very tall and I'm tall ENOUGH thank you very much..


Then put some ice cold water on my face, neck and on the back of my head..

Perched on the tip of my dome are my headphones, i put some kind of agreeable music on that is not going to bother my brother as i am not only aware that our music tastes are quite different but it's pretty evident that the Imam is not going to be a fan of Deicide either..

Whatever i find that he doesn't mind too much, i turn it up as loud as it my shitty headphones can manage, casually sip on some coffee and relax while he gets his bits and bobs together..

After he chastises me as i shaved my own face to days ago and did not wait for him to shape it up, he picks up the razor in his right hand and using his little finger for stabilization..

"You should probably tell them how to get the blade out of the razor"

Ok then..

-Place the disposable orange razor face down on a flat surface.

-With one hand hold onto the handle applying slight downward pressure, insuring that the head of the razor is flat on the surface.

-At the rear of the head you will notice in the middle a 'trapezoidal' figure attaching the handle to the head of the disposable razor.

-To the right and left of this support you will notice two protruding plastic pegs on either side.

-Using a toenail clipper, clip off the protruding plastic surrounding these pegs, which will allow you easy access to snip off the plastic pegs that are holding the disposable razor's head together.

-After snipping off all four pegs, use the top metal bit of the fingernail clipper and wedge it between the plastic front guard of the razor and the head.

-Turn the fingernail clipper in a counter clockwise motion and this SHOULD successfully pop off the front of the razor so you can extract the internal blade that, as long as it has not been used, be sharp enough to cut a Turkish beard."

We start this whole thing at about midnight..

No need to rush..

We sip coffee..

Talk about all the stupid things that happened in the past twenty four hours..

Exchange stories from our time incarcerated..

"Tim dog you know why we are not supposed to have spray bottles in the cell?"

I do not.

"Incase someone fills it up with urine or feces and decides to go spray the cee-oh with it."

Don't get me wrong..

I'm not a fool nor do i deem my life or my bunkies lives as being well spent sitting in this or ANY prison.

Neither of us are under any kind of delusion that this is ok and that we should be in here, neither of us have done anything REMOTELY close to deserve being confined with terrorists, murderers and all the other people New York City and further afield have decided are unfit to be in society..

But having little routines like getting a haircut, making each other some food, laughing and sharing memories brings some kind of normalcy to an existence that is based in an insanely abnormal set of circumstances.

Looking at everything in here with the same pair of eyes that you would use to justify and rationalize life outside in the street, you'd constantly be annoyed, upset, angry, furious, life would be very difficult to deal with while being held captive.

I do NOT meekly accept that i should be in here or that this is a normal or acceptable place for me to be living, surrounded by the people i am confined with, but that has been established for a long time now and focusing on it won't help with the task of waking up in here every day and having to deal  with life as it stand for me right now..

So what do i do?

I drink coffee..

Try to make my bunkie laugh and remind him that his is only temporary..

We take it in turns to make each other food and clean the cell..

Little things that make life a bit more bearable i guess.

If that doesn't work..

I think back to where i used to be..

How it felt to be there..

Where i am now..


It reminds me that life always gets better..

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