Now i am very sick.
There's nothing you can do except for slumping in a corner
with no shirt on and a wet towel wrapped around your head.
This shit is crazy..
So given the chance to go up to the roof for an hour of fresh air and sunlight?
Baring in mind it's actually January in New York City so it's supposed to be cold?
I make a quick coffee..
Put a sweatshirt over my shoulders Carlton Banks style..
An go line up at the door for the roof guy..
cotching in recently.
I fold up a jacket and put it on the floor for a pillow..
Peel the lid off my coffee..
An star at one of the adjacent sky scrapers that tower
over the caged ceiling of my view of the world..
There's a nice cold breeze that blows from underneath
the door ever now and then.
It feels good..
As I'm sitting here people keep passing me by,
either guys running after basketballs, older Spanish gentleman
who are pacing the yard or just dudes walking around pump faking
rapping along to whatever bollocks is playing on hot97..
A lot of people ask me if I'm Ok.
I guess they're used to seeing me running around,
knocking out sets on the pull up bar or just generally
doing something, so when they see me sitting still
and not talking to anyone it must be something
out of the ordinary..
It's nice when they enquire.
Especially when i don't know them.
"tu estas bien?"
I'm just enjoying a bit of calm before going back downstairs..
My friend Buju sat with me today..
He IS Jamaican and instead of calling him Jamaica which is the typical
handle people give you when you're from somewhere out of the States..
People call him Buju.
Today he is wearing an extremely large sweatshirt and a grey hat,
because of him having a very tiny head it looks funny.
We used to play football together..
Now there are too many people that play basketball and I'm NOT
gonna be the only person who is arguing with them on 'soccer day'
as that shit gets long, everyone gets pissed with ME and if the other
people that wanna play football ain't gonna say shit..
Then fuck it!!
We ain't gonna play!!
Me and B-star have never really spoken before.
If he sees me he usually shouts my name really loudly.
Not for any particular reason..
Thing is though, you'd be surprised how motivational it can be
having someone you don't particularly know scream your name
in a crowded place for no particular reason..
So he joined me on my stoop.
He spoke about religion for quite a while.
I listened to him explaining his Christian viewpoints and
the things that help him, reading the bible, certain passages of text,
for the most part i just listened and spoke when there where specific
points he brought up that i agreed with.
It's much better having conversations that way.
What is the point in me telling him i don't agree with something
that helps him?
Why does he need to know?
I don't think it will help the conversation or in fact help that man
in any way shape or form..
If anything it'll just piss him off or make him feel distant from me..
(Not everything needs to be discussed)
After a while we started to exchange stories about our lives
prior to being incarcerated and the things we used to get up to.
We compared our lives outside and what we used to get up to
to the routines we have made for ourselves in here, then naturally
got to the point where we started asking questions about how life
would be outside if the same prison routines were applied..
It got me thinking about my life..
Often this is cancelled.
For no reason..
So sometimes we go at least a week
without ever being in direct contact with
the sun or with the air outside..
when i would not leave my house for days on end.
Would just move from room to room without little care of
what the hell i was doing or what i COULD be doing..
Now the highlight of my week is spending an hour outside.
I look forward to it for DAYS..
Just to breath in some un-recycled air and feel the sun warming my skin,
to be able to stand outside and with the wind blowing, to look up at the sky,
it's what has kept me going for the last couple of years, it's all i look forward to,
just spending a little bit of time out there..
When i look back i have to laugh.
You live and you learn..
One thing I'm DEFINITELY thankful for?