That is my life.
Each new one is a chance to do it all again..
Give it another try..
See if i can do it better..
my days were to be cut short.
If i only had a certain amount left..
What would i do with them?
Whatever answer i come up with it usually
has something to do with connecting with people
and making sure i don't leave any loose ends.
Given the ample amount of time i have to
sit around in here and twiddle my thumbs..
I end up asking myself why I'm not doing it today?
If it's that important and would take precedence over
everything else in my life if my days were numbed,
why do i not make the effort to get it done anyway?
Why does the threat of death have to loom over
my head in order for me to do the important things in life?
A good guess would be that i am ignorant as to how much time
i have to get these things done.
Apologies are made..
A hand is reached out..
I'll try to open up the lines of communication,
sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but it's about
the effort not the outcome.
I usually get the idea from a dream or a thought that pops into my head,
someone i haven't seen or spoken to in a very long time will appear in some
kind of vague image or form and it will be enough to remind me exactly why
i used to fuck with them in the first place..
In the instance of this evening?
It's coming from my being very tired..
I worked out for three hours earlier today.
My bunkie cleaned the cell a few days ago but didn't bother
washing the floor or cleaning the shitty toilet so i took care of
that shit too..
Then to make matters worse i decided to have a hench mug
of regular coffee instead of decaf because there's some nice
tunes on the radio tonight.
But WHATEVER the reason..
Sometimes when i sit alone in this prison i think about the people
i haven't spoken to or that i wish i could speak to again and whether i
would be at peace if something happened.
It really isn't that hard.
I just have to grab my nuts.
I know this much..
whether they write me a short letter or send me an email,
the last thing i am concerned with is what has happened in the past,
how long it has been since we last spoke or the reasoning for how
we drifted apart in the first place.
I'm just happy to hear from you.