Friday, 11 January 2013

..An then we made love

This is the first day fasting in almost two weeks.

I get easily side-tracked at the moment and keep bunning it off with shitty excuses,
like that i should be eating more so i have more energy or that i need the rest,
which is bollocks I'm just getting lazy or too comfortable,
so today I'm doing something about it.

Plus it gives me feel a feeling of control in my life.

I know it's only food but fasting reminds me that i am in control of things,
that if i put my mind to it i can do whatever it is i desire, fasting for twenty four
hours isn't exactly an Olympian task but it's good enough to give me confidence in
my own abilities and strength of mind.

As always i had a little bowl of cereal with some cake smushed in it for breakfast,
with a few chopped up apples in for good measure, then nothing for about twenty six hours,
an it's done the trick, after breaking my fast this morning with a bowl of oatmeal,
i feel very good mentally and physically and also in control of what the fuck
is going in in my life right now.

Wanna know somethin' bugged?

I don't like looking in the mirror much when I'm fasting.

I look really gaunt, like, my veins stick out,
bags under my eyes, skin looks mad pale,
it's not a good look at all..

Imagine what a very naive 25 year old moustache wearing
idiot would look like after spending 28 months in a New York City
prison an you're probably not far off the mark..

I assure you i don't look that bad.

Not most days..

I have my hair cut very nicely, it's very short an combed back,
my weight is up, in fact i checked today and it's 167 pounds,
I've got my beard to it's longest it's ever been and it's shaped
and combed so looks pretty deep..

The past twenty four hours has passed very easily.

Been shifting through all the mail I've been sent since i came in here,
making a list of everyone who's been kind enough to write to me and STILL write to me,
would like to do something with it someday to show you how helpful it's been and how much
I've appreciated you doing so..

I tried to do a little creative writing yesterday but it didn't really go to plan,
the tier was too loud, people were shouting and rapping and screaming and arguing
over a game of poker because they're missing a card,

Even after about a year of playing with the same deck
no one has clocked why they keep losing their money..

At the same time there was a some Justin Bieber dubstep tune on the radio yesterday.

It made me feel overwhelmingly out of touch with the world..

At least enough to make me throw on my open toed sneakers
and scooch my ass over to the computer and do a little bit of typing,
reply to some nice emails i got sent, type up some random things on my mind,
and just generally waste a few of the pounds that people have kindly donated
to the Timothy Guvercin's Prison Comissary fund as it costs me like two dollars
for every forty minutes on this piece of shit..

Thankfully my parents sent me a few quid so I'm good for the next couple of weeks,
hopefully i won't be in here for the much longer.

If I'm home that'll be nice.

If I'm not then at least it'll be somewhere better..

Or at least different..

But anyway.

Today is our day to go to the store.

An i had bills to pay..

He only asked for a lady deodorant and a couple of soaps.

Considering that costs about three dollars and the man gives me
the best haircut I've ever had in my entire life i can't really complain!!

Especially considering i haven't seen a pair of scissors in years..

Or a knife and fork..

Or a glass..


We get plastic mugs.

I'm at the point where i just assume the whole world lives in a child-proof environment like this,
where everything is rubber and anything remotely sharp is contraband.

It's easier that way.

My cup is looking a little ashy i must admit..

I put all these scratches on it so people know it's mine. If i didn't people would steal it. Then mark it and either pretend they don't know English or after it's been marked claim that it is theirs and I'm doing them a great disrespect for asking them for my shit back.

Which is when it gets long..

Speaking of cups i really need to drink more water,
i mostly just have huge mugs of coffee, don't get me wrong I've
cut down to about 2-3 a day but still i don't drink nearly enough water
and that's what got me in really good shape a few years back,
religiously drinking it all day..

My lame excuse is because it tastes bad in here.

Someone said that they put extra calcium in the water and that's why it tastes disgusting,
which it does, but I'm not sure if that's actually correct or just one of the many conspiracy theories
spinning around this place, i know that it fucks your skin up if you stay underneath the shower too long,
so perhaps they're onto something who knows..

An who the fuck cares..

I just want to leave this place.


Anyway before i jump out the window here's some
tunes i heard recently that i thought you might like..

They're scrawled in front of me on a piece of paper
in a really shitty imitation of the Slayer logo..

I hope you like them.

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