Early on into my incarceration i was still an individual who's behaviour
and reactions where highly influenced by my emotional state and i would
allow this to dictate how i interpreted the world and what was happening.
Being in a situation where you are buried up to your neck and attempting
to dig yourself out with BOTH hands tied behind your back is one that requires
a change in tactics to your usual operating system and this came in the form of
conducting myself in a manner that was very calm, emotionless, factual and almost
robotic and was shaped not only by the guidance of my big brother Sha but in the
trial and error efforts of running through five lawyers.
Initial conversing with these people was based heavily on my frustration with the situation i had ended up in but also on my rage at how little anyone seemed to be listening to me which, combined, did not form the most productive way to actually get me OUT of this mess and i noticed that the representation i had relished the reaction and were able to manipulate me and held an upper hand over me,
so over time i understood that this reactionary method was doing me no good,
my most comprehensive explanation that i would remind myself was that of being in a classroom taking a test and the likelihood of passing said test if in the emotional state of being angry or upset compared with a calm demeanour and efficient preparation..
Going from an angry young man, bearded and smelling of cigarettes, who would scream, throw paperwork, hurl insults and generally be on the constant brink of leaping over the table and strangling them with a tie to a composed, clean shaven, well groomed inmate wearing an ironed jumpsuit, glasses, sitting upright in my chair speaking in a monotone voice, responding to incorrect information with direct references to legal motions and statutory facts was something that had quite a direct effect on my representation..
One of them actually quit.
But that's not the point..
The point is that this change of getting things done and dealing with a challenging situation had a huge impact on the movement of my case, my own self of well being and feeling of power over my life, it was a radical step for me and one that no one really witnessed while i was inside apart from other inmates who just happen to be on a legal visit, their usual reaction being, when seeing me calmly breaking down an attorneys attempts at convincing me to do something that was of no benefit to me in any way shape or form and the usual conclusion of THEM now getting infuriated and storming out the room,
They respected me for how i conducted my business.
Although i am now, thankfully, not fighting any kind of legal proceedings
or having to deal with men in suits representing government bodies i think
this is an important reminder for me, of this period of my life and how i dealt
with a stressful situation that i did not like, in how i go about my dealings in
the outside world and the people i come into contact within the future..