an to make matters worse it's actually the radio that
is buggered an that shit costs forty bucks!!
It's not really worth forking out for a new one either,
considering it's quite a lot of money and..I doubt it's even worth me buying a new one..
I do not have the funds to spend on
that kind of shit right now!!
my coming sentence has been adjourned.
Absolutely amazing news!!
My new sentencing date is..
Best not to look directly at it right now,
staring at something unpleasant isn't a good idea
and i think it would be best to replay the positives
to be taken from this predicament, which would be
that i will have a little more time in under my belt
when i finally DO go under the hammer!!
The prospect of spending another Christmas and
New Years incarcerated in a maximum security
jail is not one that any sane individual would enjoy
but it is the only cards I'm holding right now..
By the time i do get to being sentenced,
i should have around twenty eight months in.
Or something equally as ridiculous..
Which is good.
For the time being,
it's all about keepin' on..
What else am i going to do!!
All in all I'm keeping busy at the moment,
sticking to the routines that I've carved out for myself,
I'm still praying every day and fasting once a week,
things are plodding along..
The hot water konked out earlier last week,
which put a bit of a dampener on my daily workout
as the thought of washing clothes under ice cold water
in extremely cold temperatures didn't really do anything
for me, if anything just THINKING about doing something
so stupid made my dick react very violently..
So yeah I've knocked the working out on the head
for the last couple of days, at least until we get some
hot water or my dick decides to cooperate with the program,
right now it's all about attempting to eat hot meals and drinking
hot liquid (shut the fuck up) even if it's just a teabag with a
slice of orange and a couple packets of jailhouse Kool-Aid!!
I've noticed that things have changed recently,
or should i say that i have somewhat changed
in the last six months. Some of the changes I'm
choosing to label as good and some of them are
things that i know i need to work on.
As i said before I'm still paying a good amount of time on
my spiritual practices, morning and evenings prayers,
when things get very difficult i still take time out to meditate
and get my head back on track, but as a whole it's not as extreme
as it was a while ago.
I'm just sticking to what i know works,
instead of constantly seeking something new,
which i think is good.
There was a time when i most of my day and everything
i did was somehow linked to my spiritual practice,
although i did enjoy this and found this very helpful
in my day to day life, connecting most actions like
this gave a lot of purpose to my life and how i was
living, i felt more worth in my existence in here and
this is why i definitely enjoyed this part of my incarceration,
But i don't feel the need to live like that anymore..
Perhaps it was a little extreme?
It was very enjoyable,
from eating to walking to listening to people talk,
the closest thing i can say to explaining how it felt was,
well it was like i felt very present in everything i was doing,
which i guess is the whole point..
In some ways i miss it.
My mornings where spent alone eating my breakfast in
empty corners, concentrating on each breath that was taken,
acknowledging all the little blessings that had come together
in order for me to be eating my little bowl of oatmeal..
It was cool :)
But perhaps a little extreme..
Perhaps my change in routine signifies progression?
Maybe I'm just fighting change right now,
but there is a part of me that thinks that I'm slipping at the moment,
the fact that practices that i found very important to my day to day existence
are receding and I'm finding myself behaving in less than admirable traits,
for example getting into completely pointless arguments with people over
subjects so fucking retard it's not even worth verbalizing..
Maybe it's down to a shift of focus,
back then i was so concentrated on simply the present day and
everything that came with it, where as now there is a date i have,
there is something on the horizon was signifies the end of my ordeal,
whether that's home or not it's still the beginning of the end and perhaps
that is why I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on these daily practices,
a shift of priorities?
Or a lack of patience.
That might be closer to the mark..
This kind of all came to light recently after i kept growing
progressively more agitated with the people around me.
I'm allowing things to grate on me.
This in turn has had me snapping at people for the stupidest of actions,
things i normally would pay absolutely no mind to, I'd shrug it off, ignore it,
but right now I'm replying to it..
Perhaps even CULTIVATING the stupidity!!
Being enclosed with individuals who constantly take and feel that
they should be doing this because they are owed something..
It can get annoying.
If you let it..
A couple of months ago i had no problem ignoring this kind of shit,
brushing it off and just getting on with my day as per usual..
But right now?
I am not.
It doesn't help that we haven't been given ANY sweetener in a month..