Things have been pretty quiet as of late. I'm in a new spot in Brooklyn which i THINK is in Sunnyside where all the Turks live in New York City and i have been spending my time recently getting myself together. Been putting together a new routine and meeting keeping myself busy staying away from all the 'dick washers' in here. MDC Brooklyn as a whole is a BIG improvement on MCC Manhattan as it's a shitload bigger and i get to go outside anytime i am not locked in my cell. Even the cell is painted an off-coloured peach which is a welcome change to the sludge-white of the rooms at my last spot.
I'm only here temporarily. Not being a citizen of the United States i do not qualify to be 'cadre' which basically means i have to get shipped in a dog-van to a proper bum-rapey prison in the next month or so. I have heard through the grapevine that it'll most likely be in Ohio or Pennsylvania but according to this SUPER fucking rude Dominican dude who told a Spanish dude in front of me in the exact situation i am in that he's "definitely going to Moshannon Valley (Pennsylvania)" that i could be going to any jail in the country. Even the dude who asked him the question was like "i just ask him same question as you" so i don't quite know what to make of that other than that the man was a pure dick smoker..
From what i have gathered i will be going to an INS low security jail (no bum raping-I hope). Although getting legally married to a citizen as i did not apply for my papers and am now a convicted felon (hi mum hi dad) i can expect deportation at the completion of my incarceration. They used to have mugs like me serve their time then go to an immigration holding facility but 90 per cent of people would make bail, so to combat that, they now have immigration prisons where you serve your Federal jail time and at the same time get to 'fight' your immigration case. So by the end of your bid you know whether you're staying or getting squidged back into the dog-van and going back to your country of origin.
Recently I've been looking after myself. Most my time recently has been spent going back to a lot of the books and texts that helped me during very stressful periods of my incarceration. You'd think that now i am sentenced things would be a lot easier right? Well they are and they also are not. For example every now and then i get very agitated and annoyed when i think about what happened at my sentencing. A lot of information was purposely withheld from me concerning the arguments the prosecution had made behind closed doors which were not repeated in my presence at sentencing nor was the information given to me so i was not even remotely prepared for what happened. Thinking about this makes me fucking pissed you know. Thinking about how my sentencing may have gone had i have known all the details and had been properly prepared for it all. I know it's not good thinking like this. Replaying moments like that in life. It's done and all that should be concentrated on is the present and my day to day life. I did the best i could given what i had. But it still leaves a nasty-ass taste of purely pubed-out tramps piss in my mouth and that's something which, at least i hope, will fade in time. Like my old bunkie Sha used to say when i would bore him to death with 'what if' questions about my life and what was happening, he would say,
"if my auntie had a pair of balls she would be my uncle. But she doesn't"
There was some advice i read in a book which has helped me recently. I read it a long time ago and i think it was in a Wayne Dier book but i am not sure. It basically spoke about giving yourself a pat on the back each time you consciously acknowledge that you are thinking negatively and should think about something else, do something else, spend your time on something more productive. I've been doing this when thinking about my sentencing and case as a whole, like for example, if i start getting agitated thinking about the details of what happened i will tell myself "Timothy that is finished and thinking about it is a waste of time" and then a couple moments letter telling myself "You did well, you did the right thing, keep it up" and i feel a lot better and that i actually achieved something today.
I have a new bunkie who is from Palestine and cooks me nice spinach and 'macarella' curry. I get along with him very well and we talk a lot. I know that as I'm in 'transit' I'm not going to be here long so it's been really nice that I've managed to spend some time with him and get to know him a little better as we actually know each other from another spot we were at. God willing (inshallah) he should be going home soon and being reunited with his family and i know that he is going to be a blessing to them. I admire him a lot for the way he lives his life and the choices he has made. It makes me wonder sometimes where i might have been at this point of my life had i not have made the decisions i did over the years but also I'm grateful for the life i HAVE lived and the lessons it HAS given me along the way as we all have our own paths through life we make and comparisons are never a good thing.
As there's a big ass line for the computer at the moment and i can feel some next un-brushed hot-ass breath on my neck from absolute fucking retards that don't understand you're NOT SUPPOSED TO STAND BEHIND PEOPLE WHEN THEY'RE USING THE LAPTOP i should probably wrap this up pretty sharpish..
Thank you to all the people who are picking up shirts. It was only supposed to be a very small run so the response has been much appreciated. Also a big thank you to HurtYouBad and Upmost for the support in spreading the word about them too. I got sent my first letters in MDC Brooklyn this week too from my friends Revekka, Dave, Keely and from someone in Bratislava but the address on the letter had been crossed out and I'm not sure whether that was done by the sender or a passive aggressive staff member so if you're reading this and that address is cool to reply to let me know as soon as possible. My new address should be posted somewhere on here if anyone feels like writing to me and telling me a bit about themselves. Receiving letters from people while i am doing time has been one of the biggest things that has got me through the last thirty one months I've been
incarcerated and i hope that people will continue to do.