Like a sailor

I got work in the morning..

Just finished ironing my kitchen whites..

I find it very relaxing ironing my clothes the night before work.

I dont really know what I’m doing and take way too long but if I dont try I will never learn..

There are around seventy prisoners in my unit and they like to constantly make noise, whether it’s shouting at each other across the table, whistling or swearing at women on the telly, from nine in the morning to eleven at night there is a wave of noise that rises and falls depending on whats on the spanish tv. Around seven things die down a bit and because of this, I do my ironing..

Try to do my ironing..

As this is prison the bloody thing is chained to the wall and as the chain is very small things are not ideal, but I do my best,

More often than not the bastard got no water in it and untold burnt plastic on the bottom,

but again,

I try to make it work..

Why go through all this effort sweating it out under the spanish tv, trying to ignore the thunderous applause each time a chick with a dick is on caso cerado?

Even though im burning holes in paper thin bootleg tshirts that turn yellow after one wash, it’s still nice to take some time out to try do something that will make me feel good.

Same reason I get a haircut every two weeks and occasionaly cook up some bull shit with my Russian friend..

It’s cool though.

Spending time on my own, thinking about how I used to stuff my clothes under my mattress to iron them!

That was some bullshit!

Especially considering the mattress in MCC were about a thousand years old with bare dusty knives hidden inside them! 

Real talk!

One freind of mine from Newburgh found a big bone crusher banger in his bed,

got rid of it and the mattress,

then found some hench knitting needle of a knife in his next one!

Well..

To be fair..

Considering each time this guy found a banger in his bed his cellie was not shocked in any way shape or form there was a bit more to the story than just a magic mattress..

But still..

That I am in a position where I do not have to stuff my sunday best under a soiled mattress to poorly imitate the appearance of ironed clothing is a step in the right direction..

Pretending to read

- The individual who explores his psyche can, and should, be committed to and guided by his god as well as continuing his active role in the physical world.

- Individual conscious

- Personal consciousness

- Collective unconscious

- Intimate contact with the material world

- Intimate contact with the spirit

- Conscience of the presence of divinity

- Psyche
  Spirit
  Divine source

- Metaphysical structure

- Three degrees

- Faith for the apprentice who is ignorant of the nature of the thing to which he aspires

- Hope for the fellow craft who can glimpse enough of the nature of the goal to cause him to yearn for it

- Charity for the master who has achieved his goal and is able to nurture those junior to him

- By extending one’s awareness, one has the capacity to be conscious of the presence of the deity itself

- If one makes a real effort to understand one’s self, one’s motivations and one’s behaviour, the deity (or its agents) will provide the experiences which will facilitate that learning

- Observe what is happening in life, interpret it in the context of symbolism, learn from the experience

Notes in February

It’s about nine oclock on a Friday night, they are giving out the clean laundry by the door but my bunkie is picking mine up for me,

Timothy is sat on his bunk on this valentines day, surrounded by papers, sweatpants and my jean jacket that i use for a blanket,

flicking through book pages for references and occassionaly glancing up at the spanish telly..

I got work in the morning and as i slept two hours last night it's best if i try get some kip soon..

I'm wondering,

I've gone through my adult life with an idea of what i want to do,
a vague collection of interests woven together in a picturesque circumstance that, as i have not been able to put together, perhaps i'd be better off scrapping?

Not in a defeatist way but more, i guess, i keep thinking of my old bunkies expression,

that repeating the same thing expecting different results is crazy?

Now i'm not exactly planning on a repetition of my previous day to day hustle, but perhaps scrapping what i thought i wanted for most my adult life is good for me,

opening the horizons, 

less limitating?

I'm not going to be denying myself things i am passionate about,

it's more about breaking down the initial mental picture ive had of what i perceive an ideal life to be,
taking the core principles behind it and applying it to alternative, more obtainable and realistic circumstances...

This is where i'm at right now..