Fingers curled around grey criss-cross thatched metal bars..
My thoughts turn to what it must be like outside..
Huddled in the corner of a long cell-lined corridor
does not guarantee you silence from your co-inhabitants..
Quarrels..
Arguments..
Bargains..
Mastering of ceremonies..
filth ladened comments on passers by..
It never stops.
Tiny grains of white hale bounce off the old brown glass
and little corners of ice are growing on the other side of
the glass.
Nose pressed upon the dirt..
A small high-pitched whistling from outside..
Down below pea coats and North Faces are speed-walking
across the black shiny pavement, scuttling towards subway
stations, enclosed spaces, no attention is payed to the falling
white pieces of dust above and the white sky behind it..
But i guess it's to be expected.
It's busy out there..
In my immediate vicinity there are two factions of Spaniard caught in
a war of the words concerning one parties statement that an individual
to my right was consummated during his mother was on baking soda infused
cocaine.
Making him a 'Crack Baby'.
A subtraction of the comment was made
but there was too little effort to stir up any believable conviction..
They're probably gonna pop.
I'm tired..
An I'm looking forward to being locked in my little toilet..
"Celebrating the turn of the year is an ancient custom. The Romans celebrated the Saturnalia, the festival of Saturn, God of harvest, between December 17 and 23. It was the most cheerful festival of the year. All work and commerce stopped, and the streets were filled with crowds and a carnival atmosphere. Slaves were temporarily freed, and the houses were decorated with laurel branches. People visited one another, bringing gifts of wax candles and little clay figurines. Long before the birth of Christ, the Jews celebrated an eight-day Festival of Lights [at the same season], and it is believed that the Germanic peoples held a great festival not only at midsummer but also at the winter solstice, when they celebrated the rebirth of the sun and honored the great fertility gods Wotan and Freyja, Donar (Thor) and Freyr. Even after the Emperor Constantine (A.D. 306-337) declared Christianity to be Rome's official imperial religion, the evocation of light and fertility as an important component of pre-Christian midwinter celebrations could not be entirely suppressed. In the year 274 the Roman Emperor Aurelian (A.D 214-275) had established an official cult of the sun-god Mithras, declaring his birthday, December 25, a national holiday. The cult of Mithras, the Aryan god of light, had spread from Persia through Asia Minor to Greece, Rome, and as far as the Germanic lands and Britain. Numerous ruins of his shrines still testify to the high regard in which this God was held, especially by the Roman legions, as a bringer of fertility, peace and victory. So it was a clever move when, in the year A.D 354, the Christian church under Pope Liberius (352-366) co-opted the birthday of Mithras and declared December 25 to be the birthday of Jesus Christ"
- NEUE ZURCHER ZEITUNG, Anne-Susanne Rischke, December 25, 1983
My body feels very sore
and is trying to tell me that it wants
me to replace burnt calories.
This is the hardest part of my day..
I've finished working out,
which consisted of about an hour and a half
on this step machine wearing two t-shirts,
thermal underwear and some sweatpants so
i sweat my balls off..
Sprayed the machine down with cleaning fluid
and cleaned it then washed all my clothes
in the shower..
Made a cup of coffee..
An am now locked in my cell for the
rest of the evening.
I'm sitting here cross legged on my prayer rug
trying my best to resist my bodies cravings for sugar.
The last thing i ate..
Made me violently spray white-hot
liquid metal out my pink asshole..
In front of me sits a bowl of milk-less cinnamon
toast crunch mixed with a pack of this chocolate
rice cereal.
"It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out,
nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle,
than to initiate a new order of things" - Niccolo Machiavelli
Despite the somewhat disappointing news that
my sentencing has been pushed back to late January
i really haven't had any reason to complain.
I have been fitting more activities into
each day, some creative projects I've been
working on have started to come together,
people have been sending me letters and
Christmas cards through the mail..
-THEO
-SL <send me a return address mate>
-JENIFFER
-SYKES
-LISA & ROB
-ALEX N
-PRISONERS ABROAD
-REVEKKA
-KATHERINE J
-MAUREEN AND JOHN
-KEELY
-FRANK
-DAVE
Thank you to the people who are checking for me
at the moment.
I always love to hear from you and you should
be receiving something in the mail soon..
Life isn't too bad at all.
I'm in relatively good shape, staying productive
and trying to still use my creative talents here and there,
my parents and loved ones are healthy and not unnecessarily
worrying about me..
Time is passing well.
I still get bi-weekly periods where my energy levels
get low and whatever i have been using to keep me inspired
starts to seem a little distant and out of reach..
But it's expected.
After all..
Life would get pretty boring if everything went to plan no?
If every single day was spent in complete comfort
with nothing to work towards, no goals, however decadent
your lifestyle might be it would inevitably get mundane and
boring or at the least you would grow unappreciative of
what you have at hand each day..
A little test to see how you deal with a difficult circumstance
can only lead to a better knowledge of your own capabilities.
I've found it very productive to, instead of seeking relief,
trying to focus on what i can do today to make sure whatever
is bothering me is not about tomorrow and if i can't do anything,
then i need to keep my mind occupied until the feeling passes.
A little period of difficulty is good.
At times when i am feeling low or un-motivated i can stop for
a moment, take some time to reflect on my life and the things
i take for granted, think about the people around me in worse
off situations than me, what they would give to swap their
problems for mine..
"In fact i think you're a bozo..NOW GO FIND Y'SELF SOMETHIN'
TO DO BEFORE I REACH OVER THIS TABLE AN SMACK THE
SHIT OUTTA YOU"
"I do not pretend to be a divine man, but i do
believe in divine guidance, divine power and divine prophecy.
I am not educated, nor am i an expert in any particular field - but i am sincere
and my sincerity is my credentials." - Malcolm X
Even though I've been using gloves and grips
my hands and fingers are covered in blisters
from the pull-up bar.
Every Friday i've been doing fifty sets with this Jamaican dude
but i missed it last time to go on the roof, so instead i knocked
them out yesterday and today is supposed to be my day off.
But as always i get bored and if i walk past
some people that are working out they usually
ask me why i'm not working out and then i do
in fact end up working out.
So yeah..
That's what happened today.
No need to get moody about it though,
at least out of all the bullshit i COULD be doing in here
it's something that can only result in something good right?
I didn't go mental either we only did about twenty sets
and some pushups..
A few dips..
:)
It's just about coming upto the third
winter i've been in this facility. I don't look
at this part of year as being any different from
the rest. I know there's a few dates on the calendar
but let's be real they ain't anything that i actually can
fully participate in so why pay them any mind and
now i'm used to just getting on with it anyway..
Gotta be said though my first winter
in jail fucking SUCKED!!
I didn't know WHAT the fuck was going on,
had no idea of the actuality of my situation and
was still holding onto whispy hopes that i might
get bailed out of here and have a fighting chance
with all this..
Back then the idea of spending Christmas or
New Years or any kind of 'festive' holiday in prison
was pretty grim. With time you get used to it and
adapt so now i don't even acknowldge dates like
that on the calendar. If i'm going to get pissed about
being in here i might aswell be pissed PERIOD instead
of just on Christmas and New Years but no that is
not a good look..
Not for me..
I guess ONE thing to look forward to is the fuck-off hench
bag we get a week or two before Santa Comes up in this
motherfucker, it's got all kinds of munch and tea and bullshit
in there but most importantly these little pouches of peach
body scrub that i bust out whenever i need to clean my sneakers..
Or feel like scrubbin' up for a visit..
I'd like some clarification of whether
peanut butter sandwhiches is bad for you?
Like as in if you eat them really late?
It's widely known that the majority of advice
that's dribbled out in here concerning diets and
exercise regimes is pure shit and i've asked this
question many times with many various responses..
Considering i eat them all the time
i'd like to know if it's bad or not.
For example..
I have a couple of sandwhiches in front of me in a small
bowl with a crack on the bottom.
I didn't make the crack someone else did,
then claimed they didn't do it, going as far as shouting,
"WORD TO MOTHER"
Asif that is some kind of lie detector test or proof
that he isn't talking pure shit..
But yeah there's two of them sitting there, slightly microwaved,
next to a cup of coffee i have balanced on top of a Best of Style File,
there's no jam or 'jelly' in them just straight up raw dog peanut butter
on brown bread.
Ever since i was little i used to eat my sandwhiches like this,
my mother would make them the exact same way ever day for
school in my pack lunch and i never got bored of them.
When i'm tired or feeling a little shitty it always
puts me in a better mood..
