Sunday

I was supposed to get sentenced on Monday and up until
Friday i still thought this was the case.

No one had told me any differently..

Something came over me though and suggested
that i should make a couple of moves to check
what the fuck was going on and low and behold..

My sentence has been adjourned.

Again.

The concept that my jailhouse days were numbered
and that i may well be leaving this prison in the next
week or so..

Whether it be to serve some more time in another facility
or be handed into the custody of Immigration officials to
await deportation back to the Big Smoke..

The feeling was fucking surreal!!

Like was this shit REALLY happening?

Everyone seemed to be sure.

Apart from me..

:/

All my friends kept talking about "When Tim dog leaves" and day
by day i was starting to get more and more optimistic and actually
BELIEVE that the prospect of me moving forward with my life was
actually coming to fruition and that my constant fight with these
people would finally be over..

Then Friday came..

I'm doing my best attempt to walk to the phone with a fake limp like I've
been shot or stabbed so i can call my friend Alex, who's Skype number is
crudely scrawled on a crumbly piece of paper that's screwed up into a ball
in my left palm..

Something told me i should call someone else
and make sure i am crystal clear on what the fuck
is happening this week as up until now i have been
kept completely in the dark..

Then i get the news.

Adjourned.

My sentencing has been adjourned.

Again.

Without warning..

:(

About a weeks worth of excitement, positive energy,
enthusiasm and excrement quickly trickled down my
Turkish frame.

Ever since then I've been treading water trying
to keep my head above ground and stop myself
from bugging the fuck out in here..

I mean i only really have myself to blame for getting this pissed off.

Albeit foolishly..

I have been imagining what might happen this week,
especially in the best case scenario that my judge sees fit
to grant me no further jail time and send me on my way into
immigration custody..

For example..

One of my people is coming to visit me at the jail this week.

An Instead of seeing me here..

I was imagining she might come see me in immigration..

Before your departure onto the plane home you can have a family
or friend drop off a bag of clothes for you at the Immigration prison.

You're being put on a commercial flight after all,
so to avoid any lames pranging the fuck out at the sight
of a hairy henched out jailbird they give you the opportunity
to change clothes before boarding your flight home.

I daydream about doing this all the time you know..

When they tell me it's time to take this shit off
and put on some real clothes..

To return back to the normal world..

An this week it felt like that dream just might have become
a reality and that i just might, in the following weeks, find myself sitting
in a chair on a plane, looking down at the disappearing tarmac, finally seeing
an end to all this ridiculousness and knowing it's all finished..

No more fighting..

It's done.

Time to start again..

Well that ain't happening now.

At least not in the timeframe i was hoping it to anyway!!

Me sitting around here brewing like shit isn't going to do
me any good either so it's time to get back on the horse
an just start grinding again.

I just have to get on with it..

My head has been in the streets way too much recently anyway,
making all kinds of plans and putting together ideas for a reality that
is still out of my grips for an unknown amount of time and instead of
contemplating how long that amount of time will be it seems like a better
idea to just shut the fuck up and get on with things again..

Distancing myself from things works well for me anyway,
it gives me the chance to re-evaluate my thoughts and what is
and what isn't working for me at the moment, when i take a step
back and take a breather everything starts to look black and white
and way easier to break down and deal with..

I get too attached to things.

People..

Places

Plans for the future..