**Malparido**

**Malparido**

(My first recipe)

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*Ingredients*

-Sausages/Franks from the line
-Vegetables from the line
-A Bird
-Garlic
-Sazon
-Equal Sweetener
-Chicken soup seasoning
-Mustard
-Ketchup
-Honey
-Rice

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-Slice Frank into small piece while dodging a barrage of retarded penis references. Place onto
some brown paper, dash a little salt an pepper on the top.

-Chop up a load of garlic. Just like they do in Goodfellas. Be careful though.

-Find plaster for cut finger, if you fail in doing so, do as i do an fashion one from a piece
of tissue paper and a sticky label from some deodorant or whatever you have near the scene.

-Take meat off bone (shut up) an place piece in a bowl. Fill up the bowl with hot water an wash
the pieces of chicken. Remove greasy water, add two packs of mustard, one pack of ketchup,
a pack of Sazon seasoning and an equal sweetener. Throw some of the chopped up bloody
garlic in with a little water, stir profusely.

-Snuff your way to the front of the microwave line.

"Hijo de puta.."

-Nuke franks for about two minutes, until they start poppin' an hissin'.

-Add boiling water to bag of pre-cooked rice, pour in a pack of sazon seasoning,
chicken soup seasoning pack and the rest of the garlic. Let it sit. When rice is done,
put it in a bowl and mix in the vegetables, the heat from the rice will warm them,
throw in 'fried' franks, nuke for two minutes.

-Have huge argument that almost erupts into a fight with an elderly man who
took your bowl out of the microwave. Even though the food had finished cooking,
in jail this is a HUGE violation..

"Callate, marica! No debes esta en la cocina!"

-Find interpreter for Spanish individual who up until two minutes ago could fluently
speak English but now doesn't understand anything you say.

"Sus amigos con el negro grande no los molestes.."

-Squash retarded beef.

"Maricon!"

-Add a little salt and pepper to rice an whack your bird into the bowl,
for a finishing touch put a little honey into the rice.

-Pray..

-Eat..

-Vow never to use the microwave again.

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