There been no sugar in 3 weeks

On one table,
four burly men are playing
a game of Risk.

Each man sits..

Brooding..

With his arms folded,
impatiently, talking NEXT reckless shit to the other players,
until it's his turn to scoop up the little red dice..

This is followed by a vulgar display,
obnoxiously shaking the dice for a COMPLETELY
unnecessary amount of time..

Popping even MORE shit..

Then dashing the dice with a pointless twist of the wrist
into the lid of the Risk box, while simultaneously clicking
fingers to symbolise they have rolled the dice with 'skill'..

:/

One of the players is wearing a four XL t-shirt.

He has a very large scar across his temple.

An a very nice custom-made Yankees coffee mug
that just HAD some coffee with five sugars in it..

During the game there was a public relations incident.

Someone got their country invaded,
under less than commendable
circumstances..

He was SUPPOSED to be in what is known as an 'alliance' with another player,
this basically means they have agreed prior to the game that they will not
attack each other and will take out all the other players first..

But as always..

Shit didn't go to plan..

An one of the guys decided to purely violate
the other motherfucker an take him out the game..

"wid da fader"

Whatever the fuck that means..

This act of treason didn't go down well.

But the guy who got violated didn't actually retaliate.

He just bounced..

The other dude sat there with his arms crossed,
smiling ear to ear with his eyes barely open,
an just burst out the woo-woo-woo an kee-kee-kee's
in some NEXT high-pitched gravely voice..

It was pretty funny.

I didn't laugh though..

While laughing he raised both arms in the air
like a toddler waiting to be picked up..

An in the process..

He knocked over his coffee cup..

"There is much to be known, life is short,
and life is not life without knowledge. It is therefore an excellent device
to acquire knowledge from everybody. Thus, by the sweat of another's brow,
you win the reputation of being an oracle" - Baltazar Gracian

THAT n****r BUILT like that son

There is no hot water at the moment.

Most people are using this as an excuse not to wash.

I ain't goin' out like that!!

Soon as the di-zor popped this morning..

After cursing out some fuckin' TRAMP for
stunk out the room..

I firmly grabbed my Turkish balls..

-Soap

-Shampoo

-Sweatpants an draws

Then marched my ass** into the shower..

No point putting a foot or a hand under the water or an OTHER sucker shit..

Jus' G-up an run into the motherfucker!!

:D

It's no problemo..

A minute of frantically spreading ice water everywhere,
quickly step out, get your breath back so you don't have a heart attack..

Then soap up that cock an balls!!

Using that bit of floor waxer/buffer that someone DIDN'T bus' you,
scrub all body parts, not forgetting to take extra care on nipples an dickhead
as you're using something that is primarily designed to scrape shit off
the floor..

Jump back under the water an rinse all that shit off..

Put some shampoo in your hair..

Step back in..

Wash all that shit off..

An you're good to go!!

:)

The harrowing ordeal of an ice cold shower in freezing conditions is dead an gone.

You MIGHT come out the motherfucker looking like someone slapped fire out of you..

But at least you're clean!!

**

"That n****r got the Mork n Mindy ass!!"

"Silly n****r runnin' round with a CHIA pet in his ass!!"

"Nah..Nah..my n****r Timdog look like Harry an the Hendersons when
that n****r be sittin' on the toilet!! Word!!"

"He got the weekend at Bernies ass!!"

"YO that film had me DYIN' son!! They was walkin' round VIOLATIN' n****rs with that dead motherfucker!!"

Idiots.

Some went on the floor

Hello.

:D

Things are great.

-No hot water

-Only ham an cheese sandwiches to eat

-Twenty four hour lockdown

-No phone

-No email

-No mail

Incase you're wondering why things are so great,
last night New York City was hit by hurricane Sandy.

This resulted a major blackout.

Not just for the people in the real world..

But also for me..

For the first time in two YEARS i was in complete darkness.

This might sound like fuck all but i have literally always
had some kind of light source for the whole time I've been
in here, it's never been pitch black, an being so used to there
always being something on it was fucking jarring to suddenly
have nothing!!

A VERY surreal experience!!

No light from the corridor,
everything in the room wasn't working,
all of the buildings outside the window had
completely blacked out..

Even the street lamps where out!!

It was deep!!

There was a momentary panik from some of my peers,
moronic screaming's of the apocalypse, limbs hitting surfaces,
a lot of stupidly humorous tomfoolery that I've come to expect,
it didn't last for long though..

A few minutes and everything had settled
into a very deep resounding silence..

The only slight noise you could occasionally
make out was people turning door hands,
followed by footsteps and a very jittery
pair of keys..

I don't blame him for being prang!!

Bad enough being an INMATE when there's a power cut..

What did i do?

I mostly stood by the door staring out
into the darkness, trying to see what other
motherfuckers where doing, then after my eyes
had adjusted to the dark an i could see everyone
was just standing around looking as stupid as i did..

I went by the window and enjoyed the view,
seemed like i might as well soak it in while it's here
as there probably won't be another moment like this
in my life..

At least not in this setting..

Well i HOPE there won't that's for sure!!

There was never any moment that i was worried as
to what might happen, being in such a strange predicament
as this, as i have already made peace with my place in this society
and the likelihood and if anything apocalyptic WAS to happen that
i would have any chance of survival.

I remember when there was an earthquake..

THAT shit was crazy,
watching people literally running out of the building
as it's shaking and being locked in here, people everywhere
are doing everything to get out of here and i was stuck here
completely helpless, if the motherfucker came down,
it was game over and there was fuck all i could do
about it..

So yeah..

after that happened,
i had a pretty crystal clear picture of the value
that has currently been placed on my head and
how much my life is worth while in this situation..

I took an extremely cautious piss..

Brushed my teeth..

Layed back..

An enjoying this little splash of variety
in an otherwise highly boring November
evening incarcerated in New York City..

Before i forget,
If i ever needed any re-assurance
that we were going nowhere fast..

The sight of someone big enough to pick you up with one hand
holding what looked like that grenade launcher the Terminator uses
to escape the Cyber dyne building in Terminator 2..

You know..

That fuckin' DIRTY smoke grenade launcher?

Imagine that but with rubber bullets.

Good times.

:D

the money team

Right now..

I'm back on my bullshit..

Tonight i put on the suit..

An in the space of an hour and twenty minutes..

Knocked out 1200 calories on the step machine.

:D

I got a new technique to get my cardio/breathing up to scratch,
each time i hit 250 calories i suck (SHUT up you MUG) on one of
them Jolly Ranger sweets (NOT candy) as then I'm only breathing
out my nose and although extremely difficult..

I've been TOLD this is supposed to be good.

Anyways that was earlier..

When i finished i cleaned the machine (I'm the only one that does)
an after wiping the machine down i got in line for the shower..

Someone was already in there so i did the usual..

"YO Lemme get AFTER you"

"WHO DAT!? TIMDIZZLE!?"

"YEAH! LEMME GET AFTER YOU!!"

"YOU AIN'T GOTTA WAIT MA N****R!! COME THE FUCK IN!!"

:/

"AIGHT!! YOU BETTER FUCKIN' FACE THE WALL AN BRACE YOURSELF!!
MOTHERFUCKIN' RETARD!!"

"AAA-HAHA!!"

Idiot.

As i walked away..

Some elderly Spanish dude come waddling out of his room,
in just a pair of draws an in his shaky hand is a bar of soap,
with his other hand he performs the commonly known gesture of,

'You are after me'

**Using both index fingers and rotating them in a circular motion,
one way for saying you are after them another for they are after you**

He was never in line for the shower..

:/

But despite me being soaking wet with sweat..

I KNOW he's either not going to understand me if i explain
or he's going to pretend not to understand what I'm saying..

Plus he's REAL old..

So i just give him a thumbs up.

An he in return gives me a big toothless grin..

I go make an apple fruit salad while i wait..

While I'm doing so..

I hear a big stomping sound and notice
a huge pair of feet coming down the stairs..

Now i have company..

"Yo my n****r i be so BORED up in this BITCH!!"

I stop peeling and stare at him for a few moments..

"How long you been down?"

He looks up to the ceiling and lops his head to one side..

"Shit..erm..FUCK..EIGHT MONTHS!!"

I DON'T pick up a plastic knife as i DON'T own one..

:/

An continue peeling my apples..

"Imagine how bored you're gonna feel after twenty five months.."

I was tempted to tell him he still smelt like pussy.

This is a common jailhouse expression for people
who have either just come in from the street..

Or an individual that don't have 'that much' time in..

I chose not to.

Not only was the dude big enough to EASILY,
say if he either didn't find my joke funny or didn't understand it's meaning,
wash me the FUCK UP an smack me of EVERY surface in the immediate area..

But..

He ain't actually ON pussy.

He's on dick..

AN ball's..

Before you start worrying though..

He doesn't like White meat.

So we're all good..

Go upside his head with the A-yo

Is it a blessing or a curse to be visited in your
dreams by someone who is out of reach?

Someone who you have not seen
in a very long time and that you are
highly unlikely to see again?

Is being given some time to spend
with this individual..

Albeit in the form of a dream..

Well..

Is this healthy?

Being given the opportunity to say
things i never really got to express..

All those nagging little pieces lines of information
that plague the aftermath of a past connection between
two people that didn't quite work out how i'd planned..

Is this good?

Are these dreams an expression of me letting go?

Getting all these things out of my system
once and for all?

Or is all this a sign of deep rooted attachment..

Not being able to let go of a person and a time
and place in my life that i didn't quite make the most out of?

One that i'm still..

After all these years..

Unwilling to shake.

:/

I don't know.

My dreams have always been full of the type
of stereotypical imagery that i have been told
many times is SUPPOSED to be symbolic..

-Teeth falling out my mouth

-Walking around with my nob out

Things like this..

I've heard these things are supposed
to have certain meanings behind them.

But the dreams i'm currently
reffering to are very different..

I'm engaging in in-depth conversations,
getting answers to a lot of the questions
that i put forward..

These are two-way conversations.

New ground is being covered.

All the while this is happening..

i am actually AWARE that i am only in a dream
and this reunion is not entirely legitimate.

**I should point out that sometimes dreams that i know are dreams seem to spiral
into perverted sex acts very quickly or superhero type dreams but this is not the case,
no fucking occurs nor do i fly or climb walls or run up walls or aquire any type of alien weaponry**

So yeah..

Anyway..

When i wake up from all this talking bollocks,
it doesn't leave me with a feeling of longing for more
or disappointment at the dream ending.

Which is very suprising.

:)

So the question remains..

Are these re-occuring dreams I'm having good or bad for me?

Is this something i should just appreciate
and take it at face value..

As in it being just a dream and nothing more..

Not something i should be spending time over-analizing..

Or is it a sign?

One that i am still heavily attached
to individuals that left my life many years ago..

It's crazy when thought is put to the issue.

As in it's highly likely the image i am projecting
of this individual doesn't represent them in the slighest,
i doubt they behave how i remember them to and it's a safe
bet to say they don't LOOK how i remember them to either..

At least i doubt it anyway.

So with that in mind,
this ghostly snapshot i'm mentally holding onto
isn't one of someone who is even here anymore,
it doesn't represent an actual individual who is out
there walking around..

So what is the point?

If it is just my brain's way of giving me a little relief
from the monotonous existence i lead at the moment..

Then i guess it's a pretty harmless thing to be indulging in.

It might even be GOOD for me.

If it's just reminding me of good times in my life
with someone who i miss..

If on the other hand..

If this is a sign that i am seriously emotionally stunted
and am unable to move forward, which would be a possibly
explanation for me replaying connections shared from my youth
with people that have not been in my life for a considerable
amount of time..

Perhaps i should start seeing the Psychologist again.

You can imagine what it's like being in a place like this,
when your opportunities to meet new people are completely
out of your hands..

The only way i can meet new people
is when they write letters to me.

An being as this is the age of email/Facebook/Youtube/RedTube
YouPorn/Pinkworld.com/Thumbzilla.com/BangBros.com/Empornium.US
CumFiesta.com/Dogfart.com/Shitcity.com/Ruffnecksmagazine.com
Blacksonblondes.com/Bigtitscurvyasses.com/Frankwank.com/Gloryhole.com
Milfhunters.com/Kingchile.com/Goatse.de people have other shit to be
doing than checking for some dude in jail..

So couple that with the amount of time
i have on my hands to think about prior events
that have happened in my life and the people that
have come and gone over the years..

It's not surprising that all this might
have an effect my subconscious an then in turn
pour over into my dreams and the people who frequent them.

But when it's the same person..

In a re-occuring role..

I can't help to wonder why.

I hope that perhaps it's something
more than just a dream.

Things like this are what keep me going..

"That where i be leavin' n****rs"

"Well... Basically...
The name is Highway.
That's my name. It's got everything I like, which is weed, N bitches an a little bit of danger every now an then :) Thas the grenade!
It helps to explain my name Highway, cos I like to get high. I love to get high. You can never go wrong with a dutch!"

That how you gonna carry me Dog

For some reason..

All the streetlamps across the road are out..

A little bit of a change of scenery
for me on this Sunday night in
New York City..

I'm slowly drinking a cup of coffee..

The place is pretty quiet tonight..

I like it.

:)

Took a nice hot shower before locking in..

Washed all my clothes..

An now i'm settling in for the evening..

I can feel a cool breeze blowing through
the vent that's opposite my bed.

I'm a little tired but i feel pretty content right now,
hence me putting pen to paper.

My eyes are tired and sore from all the soap,
last time i looked in the mirror they was kinda
red too..

With the hat i bought him for his birthday cocked to one side,
my bunkie is brushing his teeth..

Every so often leaning to one side to spit
mouthfulls of minty toothpaste into the steel toilet..

You never spit in the sink in prison..

"Cos' it's nasty..toothpaste stains..all kinda nasty ass shit..y'know what i mean"

(I don't know what he means but still you don't do it so i don't do it..)

He raises a big sweatshirt-clad arm an clicks the light on..

I ask what he's doing..

A second later..

I see a stream of liquid erupt from his face onto the mirror..

A few insults get hurled..

An he just laughs..

:/

After cleaning the mirror,
he finally clicks the light off an stands in
the middle of the room holding a piece of
tissue on his face..

Then walks over to my bed,
resting his hands and chin on
my mattress..

"You see when it bust?"

More insults are hurled..

Which prompts him to un-ravel
the piece of tissue and hold it above his head..

"Look dog look"

I'm not looking..

:(

Before he climbs down onto his bed for the evening,
i ask him if he has ever seen that movie..

"What movie?"

I fart..

More insults..

An another day is down..

My coffee tastes really good by the way.

:)

I been rockin' it with a couple scoops of hot chocolate in it,
an busting a couple of mints in it too..

"Yo what the fuck IS that Timmy? Hot chocolate?"

I explain.

"Timmy always be makin' some DUMB SHIT yo!"

:(

"NAH but hold UP! Word to my MOTHER i be tryin' some'a
that shit TImmy be makin', that shit be a'IGHT son!!

I've got to find SOME way to give my life a little bit of variety..

More often than not..

It is found in putting 'dumb shit' together..

:/

But you probably knew that already..