5/11/2013 [2]

I work four days a week.

 

Two on and two off.
Rarely do I ever have any time to myself at the moment, as I am always running from one building to the next…

Today was no different…

My body is used to early starts so even on a day off I wake up around six, piss out a bladder’s worth of coffee, brush some yellow teeth, wash minty-green foam out my beard, stare at the dimly-lit reflection in the mirror…

After getting bored in Brooklyn an buzzing it all off, well, SCRAPING it all off with a razor blade, my hair is finally, somewhat growing back. Not QUITE as thick as I would have HOPED but at least it’s something! Bags under my eyes are starting to fade too…

I don’t really have anything to stress about anymore. My life is dramatically different than in my last couple of prisons and I am very grateful to be here, grateful to have moved on, I am in a new chapter in my life and one that is very basic…

I have little to no time to dwindle on thinking or worrying about things past, present or alternate circumstances that do not have any relevance.

Today is all about enjoying life and doing things better than I did yesterday.

Like what I bring to people’s lives and try to fill my day with things that are good.

Exercise, creating, sharing time with people, recreational or educational depending on who they are and what they bring to the table…

As always if somebody doesn’t know me their actions can’t ever be taken as personal, therefore if somebody’s actions are not personal then there is no need to take offense. If somebody acts a certain way towards me it is, to me, a projection of themselves and as an impartial observer it is something I should learn from, not take a certain way… That’s how I chop my days up anyway.

Yesterday’s band practice went well. Shit is starting to somewhat come together. The songs are not to my taste but I’m working on it…

You should see it, one of the guitarists is a DEAD ringer for that kid in the goonies with all the booby traps.

 

Anyway…

After lunch we had a little fuck around to make sure I don’t super-flop Friday’s gig.

On the YARD.

I’m getting there…

It shouldn’t be TOO painful…

Besides it’s good to challenge myself every so often, do something out of my comfort zone,

Most of the songs are pretty basic/rubbish, but it’s the act of playing to a large audience after so long that I’m finding difficulty with. I know my time is better spent focusing on my OWN enjoyment rather than on the approval of others, especially a bunch of bums, but I struggle with this at times…

I’ll get there in the end…

Standing at the back of a square field, metres away from the dirty edges of a “softball” pitch, flunked either side by some big nosed Turks,

today my last minutes before sundown were spent looking up at ribbons of clouds blaring shades of red, pink and purple, lightening at the edges as they receded into the mountains lining the Moshannon complex horizon, sometimes I am in disbelief at how much my life has changed.

My dreams are still a place where I can expect visits from the past but today they’re either digested as some form of guidance or the by-product of my wavering dietary regime…

My days are now full of movement and interaction, I meet new people, do things that I enjoy…

Memories I have of what I went through before I got there are just that. A memory.

(thankfully)