The Angry Arab Routine

"..Because i'm an Arab and i work out the best when i'm angry.."

PREPARATION

"Before working out i suggest you drink a tablespoon of instant coffee
mixed with no more than a thimble of water. Like a super thick Turkish coffee"

"Then you must squat."

"..medical research has shown that using the bathroom with your knees
at the same level or lower than your anus is very unhealthy.."

"..treat the toilet as if it's a hole..like..imagine the top of the toilet at ground level
and get naked and stand on the toilet with each foot on the toilet bowl then squat down
so that your ass cheeks are resting on the back of your heels.."

WORKOUT

-Ten sets of eight pull-ups. Do the first three sets with your arms as wide apart
as you can with your palms facing out and the next three with your palms facing
towards you before changing to shoulder length with your palms facing towards
you and finishing with two sets of close gripped pull-ups where your wrists are
basically touching.

-Ten sets of fifteen dips. Do the first ten regularly then the last five try to
come down as low as possible so you get a better pump going.

-Ten sets of fifteen pushups. Standing up find some kind of ledge or metal pole
that is around knee height and slightly bend your legs, stick your ass in the air
and put both hands on the bar/pole. You're aiming to do a pushup motion but
the bar is going to be going behind your head and doing this works your back
very well.

-Eight sets of ten reps. Use the towel to loop through the knot at the top of the pillowcase
so you have something to grip hold of (a 'rope' grip) and for the first four sets hold the towel
with your palms facing upwards. Make sure to slightly bend your knees so as not to put too
much strain on your back. Your last four sets are done with your palms facing downwards
and you may want to take your shirt off for the last set just to gas yourself up.

-Eight sets of ten diamond pushups.

POST-WORKOUT

"I like to eat either a tuna sandwich or a soup mixed with
all the meats off the trays of the day. That'll satisfy your salt
cravings, everything, the crack head soup is the carbs and
in the evening you can have your peanut butter and banana
sandwich for the sugar before you sleep"

"What are you doing with two bagels?"

"..Just tell me what to do..you want me to put it back or throw it in the trash?"

"huh?"

"I'm NOT gonna have a conversation with you about this!! you're a COP an you're policing BREAD!!"

"I'm NOT gonna have a conversation with you about BREAD at SIX in the morning.."