essolu essek

It's a little after midnight and i just brushed
my teeth and turned the light out.

Finding it a little difficult to sleep tonight.

I'm not tired..

Sat cross legged on an ever-more uneven slab of dust/dead skin..

My last piece of crumpled paper resting on top of a black book..

I'm trying my best to take my mind off things.

:/

I can't see out the window..

For the last few nights i've had a really bad cough,
so to stop it from getting worse, there's a piece of cardboard
wedged over the vent to stop the cold air from coming in,
because of this the whole window is steamed up..

I remember when i had a visitor outside once i had to
frantically poke fingers through the gaps in the metal grating
to wipe it clean with a tissue so i could see them, it worked,
but only for about five minutes as my bunkie got some hot-ass
breath and he was looking out the window too..

I'm too tired for that shit right now anyway.

A couple of mangled Turkish finger tips rubbing on a matchbox sized piece of glass will do,
i can just about see outside and, unsurprisingly, there ain't much poppin' outside a jail in the
middle of Manhattan at one in the morning..

Sitting cross-legged in a pitch black room, staring out a tiny piece of window
into an empty street, in jail, isn't the funniest of things to do either and I'm beginning
to feel pretty crappy and prang out about my sentencing, so i should probably knock this
on the head soon and try to get some kip..

Having one eye open really wide next to a cold window is giving me a headache too..

I keep on thinking about my sentencing and what's going to happen afterwards.

Where I'm going to go..

How long i might get..

What will the worst case scenario be..

:/

Considering it's unlikely that I'm going to get any new information
on my plight at one in the morning i know it doesn't make much sense
sitting here in the dark pranging out..

But shit.

It's almost time to go!!

Thirty fucking months..

It's absolutely ridiculous when i think about it..

Still I'm not getting sentenced in the next couple of hours so i think
it's best for everyone concerned, which would be me,

If i just try to lay down and think about some good things
that might help me get some sleep..

I think tomorrow morning I'm going to give my dad a call.

It costs a lot but i like speaking to him now and then over the phone,
emails are nice but it's not as good as hearing someone's voice and seeing
that they're ok..

I try to remind myself of that pretty often.

As long as my family are ok I'm be just fine..