They got thick bitches over there?

My sleep patterns have changed again.

I'm staying up late sketching..

Writing..

Reading..

Staring at the ceiling..

All the while accompanied by ultra
depressive musical accompaniment.

Anxiety at my upcoming sentencing?

That would be a good guess.

:/

The idea of movement and a definitive time frame
on my captivity IS something i am positive about..

Don't get it fucked up..

But i guess it's the uncertainty the situation.

Or maybe even a fear of change?

I mean..

We are SUPPOSED to be beings of habit.

Right?

As in we find comfort in our routines and schedules.

We become familiar with our surroundings..

An again don't get it fucked up,
i don't like being in prison and i am not
in a state of mind where i want to stay here
for even a second longer than i have to..

But i am pretty nervous at the moment.

Although what's coming might actually involve me being
freed from captivity and let back out into the world..

Coming back to the human race
after years of being held as a hostage..

......

It also might not.

:(

Which brings a whole ASS hole full of bullshit
that you can probably imagine asking yourself
if you were in my (fake Nike) shoes..

-How MUCH longer am i going to be held?

-WHERE am i going to be sent next?

-What will it actually be like in this next yard?

And so on and so forth..

I try my best NOT to address
these questions whenever possible.

It's a waste of time..

Instead of imagining the worst that could happen,
i try to flip it and instead imagine myself in another jail
doing even better that i am now.

Picturing nightmare situations doesn't prepare me for anything..

Except being next level prang.

An if i wanted to do that
I'd still be Bunning sour.

Which i am not!!

I have an asshole full of clean piss-tests to prove it..

:)

When i DO stare at the ceiling an bug out,
i try to direct my thoughts onto something that
is going to inspire me and keep me going throughout
the day instead of crippling my motivation.

I have many future plans..

An i flick between them..

They're images i have cut and pasted in my brain.

Different (currently) fictional scenarios..

I've spent years putting them together..

Many nights and days have been spent staring
at the (almost) blank canvas above my bed,
shaping ideas and dreams that keep me going
whenever i start to lose focus and think that my
life is destined to be spent in shackles an blues.

People and places..

Different faces..

Sometimes i end up falling asleep
and waking up outside surrounded
by people i know who tell me they've
missed me and that everything is
going to be ok..

Eventually it will yes.

:)

These dreams and thoughts of what i can do with myself
when i get out help to point my nose in the right direction.

After two years of..

Well..

A very solitary uphill battle against..

Erm..

Now i actually have a (rough and likely to change) date
which COULD mean me being finally released from
captivity and returning to the human realm..

Or possibly doing another seven fucking years in prison..

:(

It's only natural for me to be..

Erm..

Concerned about my predicament..

So this is how I'm dealing with things.

One day at a time.