Breeze

I can't sleep for shit..

Man's clinging onto the cross hatched bars
of the window, hoping that the cold steel
might cool me down.

It's not.

Finger tips an toes are curled around
the metal rivets poking out the wall
an corners of the window.

That ain't doin' shit either..

There's a faint glow
coming from the street.

Layin' on my side, I'm lookin' up at my arm.

All these pushups on my knuckles have had
a definite visual impact on my body,
the veins lining my forearms are looking hench,
backlit by the golden glow of street lights below..

I'm conscious of each an every
individual bead of sweat leaving my body.

Each one slowly rolling down,
til i wipe it away with my only clean t-shirt..

I'm eyeballin' a makeshift washing line.

It's a couple inches in front of my bonce.

I had to rock it when the dryer packed up
on me a few weeks back..

A couple strands from it have unravelled,
an i find it capturing my attention..

Even though my breaths are short,
each time i exhale this little piece of cotton
sways from side to side, asif there is
a breeze in the room..

Bar me talking breeze,
there ain't shit..

Air sometimes sneaks through the cracks in the window,
but not tonight.

My fingers are pressed against the glass,
but don't feel a thing.

None of the leaves on the trees are moving.

Everything is still.

The jail is pretty silent.

Still, I can't sleep.

My window is dirty as hell,
I really should pay someone to clean it..

..I've got a spare tuna under my bed..

Might as well put it to good use instead
of turning it into 'smoked salmon'.

Times like now are difficult for me..

I ask a lot of questions..

I ask MYSELF a lot of questions..

Especially when i don't see something as being
fair, equal or i don't have a proper understanding
of how something has come to be.

At times like now,
i find myself questioning things that at this time of night,
are simply better off left the FUCK alone..

It's too hot..

I'm sweating..

I'm tired..

And i still can't sleep...

just like the constant beads of sweat running down my forehead,
the questions come cascading down..

I can't actually focus on one subject..

With so many floating around,
it's impossible to give my full concentration to anything,
let alone come to some kind of
meaningful, intelligent solution..

Everything and anything is up for critique
in this early morning  sleep deprived exercise in self evaluation..

Wanna know something i think about a lot?

Fatherhood.

I'd like to think i'd make a good dad someday..

But before that familiar road goes any further,
i'm'a knock that shit on the head.

Fast..

Some things are better off left alone.

At least until tomorrow..