A better choice.

Early on into my incarceration i was still an individual who's behaviour
and reactions where highly influenced by my emotional state and i would
allow this to dictate how i interpreted the world and what was happening.

Being in a situation where you are buried up to your neck and attempting
to dig yourself out with BOTH hands tied behind your back is one that requires
a change in tactics to your usual operating system and this came in the form of
conducting myself in a manner that was very calm, emotionless, factual and almost
robotic and was shaped not only by the guidance of my big brother Sha but in the
trial and error efforts of running through five lawyers.

Initial conversing with these people was based heavily on my frustration with the situation i had ended up in but also on my rage at how little anyone seemed to be listening to me which, combined, did not form the most productive way to actually get me OUT of this mess and i noticed that the representation i had relished the reaction and were able to manipulate me and held an upper hand over me,

so over time i understood that this reactionary method was doing me no good,

my most comprehensive explanation that i would remind myself was that of being in a classroom taking a test and the likelihood of passing said test if in the emotional state of being angry or upset compared with a calm demeanour and efficient preparation..

Going from an angry young man, bearded and smelling of cigarettes, who would scream, throw paperwork, hurl insults and generally be on the constant brink of leaping over the table and strangling them with a tie to a composed, clean shaven, well groomed inmate wearing an ironed jumpsuit, glasses, sitting upright in my chair speaking in a monotone voice, responding to incorrect information with direct references to legal motions and statutory facts was something that had quite a direct effect on my representation..

One of them actually quit.

But that's not the point..

The point is that this change of getting things done and dealing with a challenging situation had a huge impact on the movement of my case, my own self of well being and feeling of power over my life, it was a radical step for me and one that no one really witnessed while i was inside apart from other inmates who just happen to be on a legal visit, their usual reaction being, when seeing me calmly breaking down an attorneys attempts at convincing me to do something that was of no benefit to me in any way shape or form and the usual conclusion of THEM now getting infuriated and storming out the room,

They respected me for how i conducted my business.

Although i am now, thankfully, not fighting any kind of legal proceedings
or having to deal with men in suits representing government bodies i think
this is an important reminder for me, of this period of my life and how i dealt
with a stressful situation that i did not like, in how i go about my dealings in
the outside world and the people i come into contact within the future..

-17th July 2014-

-14th January 2012-

-----------------
Focus.

So easy to get distracted and fall off track..

So easy to be led away from healthy thoughts..

Habits,

Conclusions and behaviors,

Remember,

It is all a game created to break you,

Control you,

This is something that you are aware of
just stick to your guns Timmyboy..

Each day it is upto you and you alone
whether you win or lose,

Not them,

Disintigrating into a state of doubt,

worry and misery is a win for the wankers..

A day spent smiling, exercising,
listening to others, making people smile,
creating, learning, being true to yourself,

Is a loss for those cunts,

They KNOW this..

You have made it this far,

Things have only got better and better,

Have faith..

Don't judge others,

particularly your attorney and *********,

and also ***** ****,

These people know NO better,

It is NOT personal..

It is not a reflection of you timothy,

please remember this..

You can only ever do what you know,
expecting people to do anything else is wrong!

You do what you know,

or you try and learn how to be better,

You!!

An as you know..

You are (despite the conspiracy law) only responsible
for yourself, so be the best you can be, then fall back,
as there's no reason to sweat after that..

It is in the hand of god,

an he is considerably more capable at making
decisions than Timothy Ozer Guvercin..

You feel me?..

 ---------------

Refreshment

It is a swelteringly hot Thursday afternoon,
crickets outside in the bushes are hissing away
like there's no tomorrow as sweat constantly runs
down my forehead,

I am pirched on a light coloured wooden stool
wearing a black pair of shorts that are covered in cat hair
and a pair of ankle length dark grey socks that are
coated with a thick layer of dust from the recent sand
storm we had a couple weeks back,

There are a few swimming pools here but i don't like to swim.

I feel stupid doing it.

Don't ask why..

As i'm writing this half of my weekly fast is almost done,
before i hop on my little japanese moped to go find some batteries
for an amplifyer that a good freind of mine from South London lent me,
 I want to share something with you..

so here goes..



Recently i managed to pick up some paperwork that i had
sent back before i left my prison in Manhattan and stumbled
upon a few choice words that struck a chord.





---------

YOUR PRIORITIES

1 - Keeping calm, patient and professional
when dealing with your case

2 - Workout out, watching your diet,
getting rid of your belly

3 - Creating, writing in your books,
drawing, expanding your talents

4 - Mentally evolving,
becoming a better person,
learning, listening to others,
meditating, sharpening your
concentration

5 - Staying true to yourself,
having strength in your convictions

That is all.

------

Mal Negocio

High up in the Pennsylvania mountains,
nestled in between a scarcely populated mostly racist Caucasian community,
at the end of a winding, privately owned road framed with friendly looking trees
lays the Moshannon Valley Correctional facility..

Inside two high fences packed to the top
with thick coils of razor wire and bird feathers
is just under two thousand prisoners from every
corner of the globe,

from your average piss poor drug runner without a pot
to piss in or a window to throw it at to Columbian dealers worth
literally hundreds of millions of dollars to elderly men that got caught
sneaking across the desert border to be with their wives and children,

You can see individuals that are happy to work for 7 cents an hour
in their mandatory kitchen employment, silver haired Cuban's that
lose thousands of dollars in REAL money every week in one of the
many prison casino's,

this is a place like no other,

A hill top brimming with human beings that have been incarcerated
en masse, costing the American tax payer fifty thousand dollars a year
for each prisoner, who will never actually have a chance to step on American
soil after they have served their time nor will be in any way shape or form
rehabilitated due to being held in a private prison..

Private prison?

A prison run by a company..

Not the government..

A prison that is run for profit..

Rumor has it this company was started by three investors..

-An Attorney

-A Judge

-A Prosecutor

Now.

Tell me if i'm bugging out..

But could it not be a conflict of interests?

-Your job is to defend people facing deportation,
you get paid by the people you are supposed to be
fighting and have taken an oath to be loyal to them..

-Your job is to decide whether an individual should be sent
to prison, how long and also whether they have been
wrongfully convicted..

-Your job is to build/fabricate a case with the intention
of giving someone as much time in prison as possible on
the behalf of the United States of America..

And you choose to invest in an company that confines
convicted felon's, for profit, that coincidently has an
exclusive contract with the American government who
is ALSO your official employer?

Perhaps i am bugging out..