Friday, 26 August 2011

Complete piece of shit..

There's some NEXT old Puerto Rican dude on the unit.

Man's in his sixties,
walks with a cane an speaks
next to no English..

Yet has quickly built up
a reputation as being a
complete piece of shit..

I don't get it.

I got no problems with
the old codger.

Ever since he came in the unit,
i help him carry his chair up an
down the stairs,
 in turn, nearly every day he comes
to my cell, with a mouth of pure gums
an no teeth, an calls out,

"JIM!"

An busts me a handful of sweetener packets
to help feed my habit of chain-guzzling ultra
sweet mugs of coffee..

Late last night,
he couldn't find his chair..

A regular situation..

You're surrounded by thieves,
stealing your chair is a fucking MINOR!

SO...

Gramps is goin' from cell to cell looking
for this dusty old chair..

Despite reassurance from me and my cellie
that we WILL get him another chair,
this dude is on a mission to find that
motherfucker..

He fails..

Now he's PISSED..

For whatever reason,
he awakes today, convinced that our new neighbour,
some young Spanish dude, is the culprit.

Why?

I do not know.

Dude has no chair.

He doesn't watch tv.

An he's a cool guy,
don't cause NO problems..

Gramps ain't hearin' that shit..

He spends most of today continually
berating this poor kid for his clearly
non-existant role in the great chair
heist..

Dude snaps..

Our man spits a 16 bar Spanish cypher
that has the whole tier crying with laughter..

One of the older dudes translated it for the
non Spanish speaking audience..

"I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR FUCKIN' CHAIR OLD MAN,
MAKE SURE YOU FIND IT YOU WRITE COCKSUCKER ON THE BACK,
MOTHER FUCKER!"





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